A/N: Don't hate me please! It's been a very stressful year. Anyways, I wrote this last year, but didn't think it was worth posting. This year I figured, why not? I know lot's of people will do something like this, but I wanted to post my own little one shot for halloween. I'm not very good at angst, but I tried. Enjoy and Happy Halloween!

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling

The house was still. Not a sound was heard but the faint crackling of the dying fire. Soft orange light cast a glow that just reached the face of a man as he sat in his favored chair and stared blankly into the fire.

A dark haired man with glasses was laughing at him as he tried to wipe the flour out of his eyes. That's what he got, he supposed, for trying to bake a cake with the dark haired man. He should have listened to the others.

"James…" The man barely whispered. So deep was he in his memories, he didn't even flinch as thunder shook the small house.

A red headed woman smiled sweetly, as she gave him a kiss on the cheek and wished him luck. Despite the fact that she did that every time he left on one of his missions, he still blushed. The blush deepened slightly when the women laughed.

"Lily…" drops of water fell onto his hands and he vaguely wondered if his roof was leaking again. Then he realized it wasn't his roof… he was crying. The man's hand twitched as if to wipe the tears away, but before the thought even fully processed, he decided he just didn't care.

Today was a day that he felt had earned his tears, because today was the anniversary of the death of his family. October 31st. The day Lily and James Potter died. The day this man's whole life changed.

He hadn't even known about their deaths until a week after they happened.

He had been with a group of homeless werewolves, trying to sway them to work for the Order or to just escape to another country. He had cut himself off from the rest of the world in order to keep his cover. The moment he found out the war was over; Remus had left for the Potter's home. He wanted to celebrate with his best friends: his family. He had even bought a little sandy brown, stuffed wolf for Harry. Something Remus was sure James and Sirius would get a kick out of.

He'd wanted to apologize for the awful things he'd said. He'd had a fight with Sirius and James before he'd left this last time. Sirius had been trying to convince James that he, Remus, was the spy in the Order. James had thought it was preposterous, of course, he could never really believe ill of his friends, but Remus hadn't seen that at the time. It had been so close to the full moon. His temper had gotten the best of him.

Remus had been so sure they would get to put things right when he got back from his mission, but they never did…

Remus closed his eyes as the memories and thoughts taunted him so ruthlessly. Why? Why did he get to live? Useless, broken, Remus Lupin. The man who can't even face his best friend's son. The cowardly werewolf. Why did he get to live? Why did Sirius, the traitor, the liar, the murderer, get to live, but wonderful, kind, amazing, James and Lily Potter did not?

The thunder rumbled harshly through the sky above as the rain picked up, blocking out the choked sobs of a man who'd lost everything.