As a rule I don't do rewrites of movies or tv shows but on this I caved after a bit of convincing. This spoof all started with some kooky text messages based on t-shirt slogans I mixed with Star Wars to amuse my cousin Amanda who is a big Star Wars fan. It picks up somewhere after the end of Episode 3 movie but well before the parts that comes after it. I hope the story version lives up to the hilarious insanity that was those text messages.
Welcome To The Darkside We Have Cookies
"Would you like a cookie sir? Hot and fresh just out of the oven." The Cookietender looks up at the newcomer's face mask. "I could blend it up in a milkshake if you like."
Darth Vader looks at the girl behind the bar. "Since when do they serve cookies in Club Sith?"
"Always-Darth Sideous can't live without them. I see you're new here. Allow me to officially welcome you to the darkside-we have cookies."
Darth Sideous walks out from behind the curtain onto the stage. "Hey all you out there its karaoke night here at Club Sith. So whadda say lets get this party started?"
Darth Vader looks up at Darth Sideous then around the empty room save for himself and the cookie girl. As Darth Sideous picks a song and begins to sing. "Who's he talking to?"
"You and me. He used to let drones hang out here but he got sick of them calling each other Rodger all the time. He kinda didn't think through the whole only two Sith Lord's at a time thing before he built a members only establishment. You would think he would have at least named it something that wouldn't catch the attention of those bothersome Jedi. They try to crash the place from tome to time. Luckily I know a few mind tricks that works on Jedis."
"Why did he build this place?"
"This guy is a total party animal. Just wait till he kicks back a few plates of cookies and the party will really get started. I just hope you can sing. Between you and me-I think that's why Darth Maul got the ax."
"The ax?"
"Oh yeah. The guy couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and he wasn't much for parties. He was a pretty quiet guy. I don't trust them as rule-or anyone who can't hold his cookies for that matter and he couldn't do that either. Lets just say at the boss' orders Darth Maul wasn't at his best when he met his end at the hands of those Jedi's and let that be some advice to you if you catch my drift."
"Yeah I'll take one of those cookie milkshakes."
"The house speciality and cookie of the day are the boiled oatmeal chocolate peanutbutter cookies. We also have chocolate chip, peanutbutter, sugar cookies, coconut macaroons, snickerdoodles, and that is just to name a few." Motions down the long bar. "Can't find what you want name it and its yours in 30 minutes or less or its free."
"Surprise me."
"Anything you're allergic to I should know about?"
"No."
"Excellent. Take a seat and I'll bring something right out." The Cookietender watches as Darth Vader wanders over toward the stage as she goes to work on one of her crowd pleasing mint chocolate chip cookie milk shakes for starters. She pushes the button on a com device connecting to her favorite secret minion and speaks low. "Jar-Jar you're right he's the one. Prepare for phase two."
Cookie of the day: Boiled Oatmeal Chocolate Peanutbutter Cookies. Care for one or at least the Cookietender's recipe-if you wish to become a minion that is ;)
