Welcome to Narcotics Anonymous
Chapter One
"Where the fuck is this room?" I mutter to myself angrily as I walk down a hallway. It looks exactly the same as every other godforsaken hallway in this building. Stark, unfriendly and beige. Very beige. You'd think a community center would have a more welcoming décor. Perhaps signs to get you to where you're supposed to go would also be a useful addition- I just know I've been down this hallway before. I check my phone. 8:40 it says. Great, now I'm late. Not that being on time would really matter, it's a meeting for drug addicts after all. Yes that's right. That's me. Naomi Campbell. Heroin addict. But more about that later, right now I need to stop running around these hallways like a mad woman and find room 1 oh fucking 7.
After another five minutes, I see a girl walk out of a doorway. She has long dark brown hair and seems unnaturally skinny. Then she turns her petite frame towards me, and our eyes lock. Holy shit. Those eyes. It's like she can see through my skin into the depths of my soul. I stop walking, totally caught off guard by the striking blue eyed woman. It's only when she gives me a knowing smirk that I snap out of it, and realize that I should probably ask her to help me find the room, but before I can begin rambling, she points to me.
"Hey you. Looking for 107?" She calls out.
My luck has finally turned. "Yes actually. For the past half hour." I offer an embarrassed smile, and she laughs.
"Great, I was just checking for any last stragglers, there's always a few." She smiles, and extends an inviting arm into the room.
"Welcome to narcotics anonymous."
Inside was pretty much what I had expected. There were about 25 plastic folding chairs, arranged in rows, facing a podium, and a few tables at the back of the room with coffee and some assorted baked goods. Just like the movies.
I ignore the snacks however, and beeline for a chair at the back row, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. I'm planning to go heavy on the anonymous part of this group. I'm here to stay clean, not to make friends.
The skinny girl from the hallway heads right up to the front. She must be the leader or something. Hah. The leader of the junkies. What an honourable title.
"Welcome everyone. Now, before I get started I should probably introduce myself, since it looks like we have a new member joining us today," when she says this half the room turns and looks at me. Great. This is exactly what I didn't want. I slide down in my seat a bit, and the girl chuckles.
"My name is Effy, I started using when I was fifteen, stealing my brother's pain medication, until I was twenty four, by then, a full blown heroin addict. I have now been clean for four years. However, four years ago when I began getting clean, there was no NA. There was hardly any support, really. But with the help of my counsellor, I started this program. To help people like me." Someone in the front cheers, making the group laugh. Christ, she's actually pretty cool.
"Now, would anyone else like to come up here, introduce themselves to the new girl? Or perhaps the new girl would like to come up here herself?" She sends me an encouraging smile, to which I just shake my head. I don't care how cool she is, there is no way I'm getting up on that podium and telling twenty five people my deepest darkest secrets. Thankfully, a guy a few rows in front of me stands up.
"Alright I'll go." He walks up to the front and takes the podium. He has short, sandy blond hair and a wide crooked smile.
"My name's James Cook, but most people just call Cook. I'm a meth addict, no shame in it. Used for over three years, and I've been clean for bout' a year now. That's all I've got to say for now, but Blondie, if you want to know more about me, on a personal level you know, we can arrange a private meeting." He flashes me a mischievous grin and wiggles his eyebrows. Some guy whistles and the group roars with laughter again. I can feel my face go red. Ew. No way would I ever even go near a guy like him.
"Okay, okay. That's enough." Effy calls out to the group, not looking too pleased. "We don't want to scare her off now, do we? Someone else want to introduce themselves, in a polite and orderly fashion? Remember, you only have to reveal your identity if you want to."
One by one, almost half the group walks up and recounts a short addiction bio. None are too personal, only the basics. There's Freddie, who was a prescription medication junkie. Also, kind of a stoner. Thomas, an alcoholic. A very polite and courteous alcoholic it seems. Panda, who I'm not entirely certain is actually off drugs, was into opium.
As about fifteen people go up, I count about seven heroin addicts, like myself, and five methamphetamine addicts. It's not hard to spot the hard core users anyways. Even after years of being clean, they still have a look about them. There's a light that's missing in their eyes. I wonder how I look to these people. Almost everyone here has been clean for at least six months, whereas I've only been clean for a few weeks. There are a few older people in the group too. I find it too hard to listen to them though. It makes my chest hurt.
"Anyone else?" Effy asks the group. I check my phone, and it's a quarter after nine. Only 45 minutes left. That's not bad. Then I can go home and sleep. Maybe take a shower first, and eat some leftover—
"I guess I'll go." Says a husky voice, interrupting my train of thought. The voice goes straight to my stomach, making me squirm. I look up and see a small red headed girl walking up to the front of the room. When she gets behind the podium, I can see just barely beyond her shoulders. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. She's the cutest thing I've ever seen. My heart begins to beat heavily. I hope to god no one can hear that. This is not good. Not good at all.
"Hi, my name is Emily." She looks to me with the deepest brown eyes I've ever seen, and I can feel my resolve for not making any friends fading rapidly.
"I used OxyContin from the time I was seventeen till twenty one. I've been clean now for four years. I was one of the first members of this group." She smiles gently at me.
"And I hope to get to know you, and help you on your journey." I watch her head back to her seat. It hits me that it's going to be very hard to focus on recovery at these meeting from now on. Fuck. This is so bad. This is the farthest thing from what I wanted. I can't let her steer me off track, I have to stay away from her at all costs.
"Okay, now that we've introduced ourselves, maybe the new girl would extend to us the same courtesy?" Effy says, having taken Emily's place at the podium. Her eyes plead with me.
"Sorry, maybe next time?" I say, trying to be polite. I feel bad, but I just don't think I can open up to a group of strangers.
"You don't have to say anything personal. You don't even have to say your name. Just tell us why you're here." She responds, already moving out of the way so I can go up.
I sigh, debating it in my head. They have been very welcoming, and I wouldn't want people thinking I'm rude, so I guess a few sentences couldn't hurt anyone.
I make my way to the podium, feeling everyone's eyes on my back. I feel like I'm back in school and I'm about to give a big presentation about the life cycle of frogs. There's the same butterflies in my stomach now then there was then.
I stand behind the podium and scan the group. There's a guy near the back who looks half asleep. Or at least I hope he's sleeping. A few girls are on their phones, playing candy crush or texting their boyfriends. Most people are giving me encouraging looks however. Effy is in the front row, that is reassuring. If anything goes wrong, she can take over. And Emily sits in the row behind her, looking at me intently. My heart speeds up again. Christ, how is she doing this to me. I shake myself out of her trace. Come on, focus. Where to start? With my name? Maybe just my first.
"Hi, I'm Naomi." I say tentatively, glancing at Effy, she gives me a thumbs up. Great, that part's over. Now for the juicy bits.
"I am a heroin addict. Used steadily for five years, on and off for the past three. And I've been clean for three and a half weeks." I can see a few eyebrows raise. Shit, did I go too far? Maybe I should've given them the sugar coated version. I chance a look at Emily again, but she doesn't look surprised. Just curious. Okay, so maybe I didn't totally fuck up. Wait. Fuck what up? I should cut things off right here.
"So yeah, that's it for me I guess." I give a curt smile, and quickly walk back to my seat, without looking at Emily. Effy goes back to the podium.
"Thank you Naomi. The first time talking to the group is the hardest. It's all uphill from here. Now, at the end of Monday's session we began a discussion about temptation. Let's keep going with that. Does anyone have anything they would like to share?"
The group goes into discussion, I try for a bit to focus. But there's just too much on my mind right now. This was supposed to be simple, you know? Show up to meetings, get clean, and continue on with my life. Things just seem way more complicated now. Maybe this was a bad idea. I don't know if I can get clean on my own, it didn't work out too great the last time. But there are too many distractions here. Or just one big distraction.
I look at Emily. She's talking animatedly about something, I don't listen to what she's saying though. I only pay attention to the movement of her lips, the way her eyebrows raise on certain words, the graceful gestures of her hands. I don't know how she has this effect on me, I haven't even spoken to her yet.
I sigh and look away from her. This is just another item on my growing list of things I have to deal with.
After what seems like forever, I hear the conversation begin to putter out.
"Okay, thanks for a great session guys. I'll see you guys later. Remember we meet on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, try to show up to at least one a week, it really helps. And to those who have recently quit, showing up to every session, would be the absolute best thing for you." Effy announces, looking pointedly at me when she says the last bit. Can this chick read minds or something?
I make my way to the door, trying to avoid any parting conversations with people.
"Naomi, wait up!" I hear Effy call from behind me. No such luck then. The skinny girl catches up to me, looking me up and down. I can tell what she's thinking, what a mess, and I really don't need it right now. Just as I'm about to turn away she speaks.
"Hey, I know this is hard okay? The first few weeks are the absolute roughest. But I meant what I said, it's uphill. Every day, it gets better." She smiles understandingly at me.
"Thanks," I say, and I mean it. "But I really just want to get through these meetings without any hassle, yeah?" I really want her to understand.
"Naomi. The process won't work unless you participate. If you don't even listen at the meetings," she looks at me with an eyebrow raise. I look down in shame. "You won't get anything out of it. And you'll be right back where you were three and a half weeks ago."
My heart drops and I shake my head. "No, I can't, I won't let that happen." I say to her desperately.
"Give me your phone." She says quickly. What?
"Give me your phone." Effy demands.
"Okay fine." I hand her my phone. She types something into it and hands it back.
"That's my phone number. If you need anything. Call me. And I mean anything at all, ok?" She looks me directly in the eyes to get her point across. All I do is nod.
"See you on Friday, Naomi."
And with that she turns away, and I'm left speechless. I don't know why she cares so much, but honestly, I really do appreciate it. Most people don't help. They either judge me or pity me. It feels nice to have someone look out for me. I put my phone back in my pocket and go to leave, but I'm once again speechless. Leaning on the wall by the door is Emily. Oh god. How am I supposed to leave now? I look down. Maybe if I don't look her in the eye I can leave without any problems.
"Naomi."
Shit. Fuck. God, that voice is sexy. Almost involuntarily, I look up. There she is. In all her tiny red headed glory. Smiling at me. She's more beautiful than anything I've ever seen. I feel like I could be in front of the most beautiful sunset the earth has ever seen, and I would still only have eyes for her.
"Naomi?" She looks at me questioningly. Oh right, I'm staring. I look away, and oh right, breathe.
"Uh, sorry, yes?" I stammer. Could I be any more embarrassing?
"Just wanted to say that I look forward to seeing you around." She giggles.
"Right. Yes. You too" I say as she walks to where Effy is talking to some people at the front of the room. Before I go to leave, she turns around and smiles at me over her shoulder. I'm a puddle on the floor.
Thanks for reading. Any suggestions or general commentary would be greatly appreciated. The next chapter will be up shortly.
