It was my first day on the battlefield of the Europian Union Army. I was a clean shaven rookie, ready for whatever the world could throw at me. I was teleported onto the EU titan and I prepared myself for a hard day's work. Out of nowhere, a hovercarrier materialized out of nowhere. I dashed to the pilots chair and saw that someone was piloting it already! Throwing a loud fit of rage, I shot his head off and yanked his bleeding body out of the chair. Some people looked at me funny but then jumped inside to be taken on a flight in the chopper. The engines roared and the thrusters shoved us violently into the air. Suddenly, something on the ground piqued my interest, so I ejected through the top of the chopper. The sound of the air whooshing past my ears nearly drowned out the bloodcurdling cries of death as my squadmates plowed into the ground in their unpiloted hovercraft. Oops.
As I plummeted towards the ground in my pod, bullets sped past my face. One of them hit my tongue and all I could taste was blood. This would have been good if I was a vampire, but I wasn't, so I screamed like a girl. I screamed so loud that everyone on the ground exploded. So I floated down to an enemy missile silo and splashed into a pile of human guts and bones and brains. These were new shoes for christ's sake! As I sat next to the silo, someone materialized out of nowhere. I grabbed my knife and shanked him. He flinched but didn't die. I did it like three times and then pulled out my gun and shot him in the head. He still didn't die. Instead he was jumping around like some kind of ninja. Suddenly, 2 words flashed across my helmet visor. "CONNECTION PROBLEM."
I got dizzy as I was suddenly flying through walls and having an epileptic fit. Suddenly, for whatever reason, I just randomly appeared in a walker. I felt like a cool cat as I walked over people and heard their skulls pop like large pimples blemishing the face of the ground. I walked around for a while and suddenly a huge hovercarrier popped onto my radar and was flying right towards my head! I bailed out and some other fool jumped in and got instantly vaporized as the jet fuel pierced his skin and incinerated him from the inside out. My squadmate came by in a jeep and shouted "Get in!" I obeyed his command. Suddenly he exploded and his guts were on my face and in my mouth. What was going on!?
As I drove around like a pimp I ran over a ton of people but then ran into a tree because their bloody pulps and intestines made my tires slick. It was like I was back in 'Nam again. Except I wasn't alive back then. Maybe I was in my past life or something. What if I used to be Jesus!? I promptly ran towards the nearest body of water and tried to run on it. It didn't work and I sunk into the water and my electrical equipment colliding with the water made everybody explode again. The commander tried to call in reinforcements, but there was a thick coating of entrails encrusting his satellite dishes.
We blew up the enemy titan's ship and ran inside. We destroyed the 4 control nodes without a hitch and ran into the titan's hull. The enemies were there but they gave us massages and welcomed us into their hull as we blew it up. In retaliation, we shot them and made warpaint out of their blood. The commander sent us home and we got to look at our statistics that were gathered from the input of information from our helmets. It said I got 21 kills and didn't die. Well of course I didn't how the hell would I be reading it now!? I also got promoted to a general. I excitedly ran home to look at my stats online. When I got there, I went to the statistics page and to my surprise, NOTHING SHOWED UP. NOTHING AT ALL EVER ITS LIKE I DIDN'T EVEN JOIN THE ARMY. ALL MY POINTS AND KILLS WERE IN VAIN BECAUSE THE CRAPPY SERVER SCREWED UP. OMG WHY???????
