"Lily! Lily! Wake up! Lily you've got to get up or else we'll miss the exam."

"I'm up, I'm up," I said groggily.

"Lily you've got half an hour before the exam starts, you better get up now, and quickly, you've still got to have breakfast!"

This really did wake me up.

"What!"

"Like I said, you've got half an hour."

"But Mary, you know we have to wait outside for at least fifteen minutes while they clear breakfast away!"

"Exactly! You need to get up. I'm going down now; I'll leave you to get dressed. DON'T GO BACK TO SLEEP!"

Great, my exam was in half an hour and I was still lay in bed. Severus would be worried, Mary certainly was. I couldn't believe that I'd slept this long. I know I was up until midnight studying but ... thank god Mary had woke me up.

I got out of bed and started looking for my robes.

After I was dressed, I turned to the mirror; my hair was still in the plait I had put it in yesterday. I undid the plait and ran a brush through it until it was softly curling down my back. I was too late to do anything interesting with my hair so I left it.

I wished I looked like Mary, or somebody similar to her, with a fair complexion instead of deadly pale, blue eyes instead of almond shaped, emerald green, and dark brown wavy hair instead of auburn ringlets. Hair that looked good cut short or long, features that were beautiful in every light. Eyes which had a glint to them, like Professor Dumbledore's he always had a twinkle in his eyes. I wished I had all of that. But I didn't. Lost in thought I didn't realise where I was walking, until I walked into Remus.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry Remus."

"It's quite okay Lily. I can see that you're lost in your thoughts. Are you ready for the exam?"

Oh god! The exam, I had completely forgotten, I had been so caught up in my appearance that I had forgotten the exam. How shallow I was. I started going though all of my revision in my head.

"I think so, I'm just running very late, and I'm nervous."

"We all are Lily don't worry about it too much. They wouldn't have started without you."

I smiled. I liked Remus, he was kind, a prefect and loved to read. He and I were always sharing books. Out of all of his friends I liked Remus Lupin the most. He was a lot better than Peter Pettigrew, who basically was only in that group because he worshiped the others, Remus's intelligence, Sirius's good looks, James ... I don't know what he might see in James, there isn't really a good trait in him, apart from the fact he hates dark magic.

To be honest I hated the lot of them, they were cruel, arrogant and annoying. Only Remus wasn't that bad, I had a feeling that he just wanted to be accepted, I know Sev's theory on how Remus is secretly a werewolf, and he does disappear every month at the full moon ... I'm not sure myself but it seems to add up.

"Hey Remus, you ready to kill this paper?" James hadn't noticed me. Yet.

"Oh hey Evans. Do you reckon you'll pass? I do, I reckon I'll ace this paper."

"The only thing you can pass is the test for bigheaded people who think they're better than everyone else." Severus had come up behind me.

"Nobody asked you Snivellus." James retorted

"Come on Lily; let's leave these idiots alone, they only are there because James fancies you." Severus said easily audible to everybody in the vicinity.

"So what if I do Snivellus?" James shot at Severus.

He started to answer back but I cut across him.

"It's alright Sev, he'll never get me, I don't like arrogant toe rags." And I took his arm and pulled him away.

"Fifth years, line up please."

"Oh god, i've got to go to the front, I'm sixth in the whole year group, it sucks."

"It's better than me, I'm almost last." Sev whispered back.

"Good luck" I told him and walked to the front of the queue.

I only got half way when there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, and there stood Severus.

"What?"

He didn't say anything but he pulled me into a hug. This wasn't a new thing; it was just something we generally did when we were alone together. Which was admittedly most of the time.

Severus Snape was my best friend in the whole world, and it was him who told me I was a Witch. He told be all about Hogwarts. We knew everything about each other. It didn't matter that he was a Slytherin and I a Gryffindor, houses meant nothing to us or to me anyway. I didn't see why we couldn't be friends.

Other people had a problem with this. They just couldn't accept the fact that a Gryffindor and a Slytherin were friends. The two founders hated each other. Apparently.

The only thing that bugged me about Sev was that his friends were all very keen about the dark arts. And he seemed to know a lot about them too. I didn't ask about that side of him though. I didn't want to know.

"I'd get off of her if I were you." James commented.

"It's none of you business, he can hug me if he want to."

"Can I?" James quickly asked.

"No!"

"Well, if you're hugging dirt like this then your standards must be low. Just so you know you could do a lot better than Snivellus here."

"Who I hug is none of you business."

He was about to reply when professor McGonagall found us and chivvied me off to my place in the line.

I found my seat in the Great Hall. It was on the second row so I wasn't on the front which made me happy. I hated being the centre of attention.

"My god! That exam was so long. I was finished so early as well." Mary babbled.

"I know so was I. It was so easy I could have done it in my sleep." I replied not really that interested. Hanging out with girls annoyed me most of the time. They were far too dramatic about everything. It's why I liked Severus; he was quiet and thoughtful most of the time. He was somebody you could sit and talk to about anything, and he'd listen and then give you his true opinion. Not some story or lie, and honest opinion, no matter how harsh it was.

"You nearly did do it in your sleep."

I laughed along with the other girls around me and Mary. All of them shared our dormitory so I knew them all quite well. We wondered down to the lake to relax in the sunshine before lunch and our practical exam.

They were all sat gossiping about the exam and saying what they found easy and hard. I however stared out over the lake. The sun reflected off it and was making it twinkle, it was mesmerising. I zoned out completely lost in the winking water until...

"OH MY GOD!"

"What? What's ... oh my ..."

"What"

"What"

I looked in the direction they were all staring at. I was horrified by what I saw. Severus was hanging upside down his mouth streaming with soap and a huge crowd around him. And at the centre of that crowd stood none other than James Potter and Sirius Black.

I stood up and marched towards them. I shoved my way through the crowd.

"Leave him ALONE!"

James and Sirius both looked around for the source of the shouting. When James saw it was me, his hand immediately jumped to his hair, just to make sure it was messy. It was a habit he'd picked up recently, it was annoying to me. But every other girl seemed to love it.

"All right, Evans? James said to me, in that tone of voice which indicated that he was trying to be more mature and pleasant than he actually was. I knew that voice well. He used it every time he spoke to me.

"Leave him alone. What's he done to you?" I said staring at him with hatred. I hated when he cursed Severus. He was my best friend after all.

"Well ... It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean ..." the crowd laughed. Everyone except Remus who was reading a book.

"You think you're funny," I told him "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toe rag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you, if it was a choice between you and the Giant Squid."

"Bad luck Prongs." Sirius said, "Oi!"

Severus had broken free of the curse grabbed his wand and shot a spell straight at James. Blood squirted from his cheek. James whirled around and shot a curse back. Less than a second later Severus was upside-down in the air, his robes falling down revealing his skinny, pale legs and a pair of grey underpants.

I was half tempted to smile just at the sheer fact that Sev couldn't harm anybody at the moment in his anger, but then I remembered that he was being bullied and his actions were self defence.

"Let him down!" I told James.

"Certainly." James said in a voice which I immediately distrusted. But he let him down never the less. Severus started to get up when he was hit with a body bind curse.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I shouted as I drew my own wand now.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James

"Take the curse off then!"

He sighed theatrically and muttered the counter curse.

"There you go. You're lucky Evans was here Snivellus –"

"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!"

I widened my eyes and blinked in shock. He couldn't have just said that. Severus ... the boy who had been my best friend since I was nine years old. He'd never call me a Mudblood. It just wasn't something he'd do. Hate rocketed through me.

"Fine, I won't' bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you Snivellus."

"Apologise to Evans!" James roared at him, pointing his wand menacingly.

"I don't want to make him apologise." I turned on James as I said this. "You're as bad as he is."

"What! I'd never call you a – you know what!"

No I knew he'd never call me Mudblood. But he was close to the same level.

"Messing up your hair, because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off a broomstick, showing off with that stupid annoying snitch, walking down the corridor hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK." And I turned and ran before the tears spilled over my eyes. I heard James call after me but I didn't look back.

I made it as far as the lake before I started crying. I ran around to the other side of the lake to where a little hut lay. It was like the turret of a castle, a tall circular building completely surrounded by trees. I ran inside and up the spiral staircase until I was at the top of it where there was a small circular room. Overhead this room the roof of the building had been enchanted to be see-through like a piece of glass. It showed what was happening above me in the sky. The magic was clever though because when it was cold, the glass never froze over or was obscured by anything. The view through it was always crystal clear.

Today the sky was clear blue. Cloudless. Boring.

I was crying freely now. Nobody really knew about this place so nobody could bother me. I felt lost. My best friend had insulted me. Called me the worst thing in wizard terminology. How could he. How could I forgive him? I know he didn't mean to say it. He's never said it before. But if he said it under pressure then he was obviously thinking it all the time. And that was the worst part.

"Lily?"

"Go away."

"Lily ... I know how you feel."

"No. You don't."

"You feel like you're completely alone, you've been abandoned by everyone you love, and it's not even your fault."

I looked up and saw Remus Lupin stood at the top of the stairs.

"How, do you know?" I asked him curiously

"Because i've felt similarly, except that I was alone until I got to Hogwarts."

"Why Remus?"

"Because ..." he took a deep breath, "I'm a werewolf. My father had offended a werewolf called Fenrir Greyback, and in return he bit me. My Mother and Father found out what had happened, and were furious, but there was nothing to be done. There is no cure for a werewolf bite. They never were quite the same to me. It was only when I got into Hogwarts that I got real friends. I didn't tell them at first. Professor Dumbledore made me swear not to tell anybody, but James, Sirius and Peter worked it out. And they help me as much as they can."

"I guessed you were ... What do they do to help you, they can't be there when you transform surely, they'll get hurt!"

Remus laughed "Lily, they don't get hurt, because they're not human. They are animagi. They learnt what I was and learned how to become an animagus. I was shocked that they cared enough to do that for me."

"I guess they can be nice if they want to."

"Lily ... James is the way he is because he's trying to show off to you hoping it'll impress you."

"But it doesn't. All he does is make me hate him more! That stunt with Sever..." I couldn't go on.

"I'm so sorry about that Lily."

"But ... You didn't do anything."

"Exactly ... I just let it happen. I didn't see that it was hurting you."

"Remus, I don't blame you."

"Well you should!" He said bitterly.

"Well I don't!" I said angrily. "Can we just leave it?"

"If you want to."

There was silence until...

"Lunch is almost over, and we've got the Defence Against the Dark Arts practical exam to do."

"Oh my god, I had forgotten about that!"

"Well shall we walk back then?"

"We really should shouldn't we?"

"Not if you don't want to."

"Remus, this is our OWL! We've got to. I thought that you of all people would have known that. Now stop worrying about me and let's go!" I said smiling. It was so sweet that he'd want to miss an important exam just because I needed company. But I wouldn't let him, so I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the stairs.

"Moony ... Moony?"

"I think you're wanted." I told Remus.

"So, at the moment I'm revising for my exam." Said Remus not looking up from the book he was reading.

"Hey ... Moony. Quit bugging Evans, and get over here." James shouted.

I looked at him.

"Honestly Lily, just ignore them, they'll go away eventually."

I nodded and got out my wand and started practising. We were all in a chamber off the hall. They had made us wait in here while they called us in one by one. It was making me so nervous especially since the people who'd done the exam already weren't allowed back in here. So far the only one of the gryffindor's who had gone through was Sirius Black had been though because he was second in the whole year group. I would be soon. I was fairly confident about the spells I was doing; it was just the exam conditions which put pressure on the whole situation.

"Lily ... we need to talk."

Oh God Severus had come up, and wanted to talk. What was I meant to say to him?

"Evans, Lily!" Called Professor McGonagall.

I stood up quickly. Thank god she'd come now, and not later. I really didn't want to talk to Sev at the moment. I was too angry and confused.

I turned to go into the exam hall, but I found my way blocked by an arm.

"Lily..." he said.

I didn't look up. I was too scared to have this conversation.

"Excuse me," I said still not looking up.

The arm didn't move.

"I believe she told you to move." A new voice came in.

"Well I'm not going to until we talk." Severus replied coldly.

"Well unfortunately for you, she has an exam to do, so I'd move."

Severus snapped a retort back at James. James replied with pushing him. They started to fight in the middle of a room full of students waiting to do their exam, like it wasn't tense enough in the room.

"OH MY GOD! JUST STOP IT!" I screamed at them, and marched out into the great hall.

I walked over to the examiner. An old man with grey hair.

"Well then my dear ... let's start with ..."

He went through all of the standard spells. Which I managed to perform fairly easily. I just had to let my mind go blank. Forget all that had happened today. That was the hardest part, because I was so angry. Severus had betrayed me in front of half the school; James was acting like a complete prick about it all as well, despite the fact that it was all his fault.

But the anger could wait. I had to pass these exams, and I'd never do it as angry as I was, so I let go of it all. I let my mind go blank and let go of my emotions. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do.

"Now then my dear, I know I said that was you're last spell, but I want to see if you can perform a patronus charm."

"We haven't studied it in class though," I told him, although we both knew that I could do it. I had been practising it since the start of the year. Sev introduced it to me. He asked me what form mine took, only at the time I didn't know, so he taught me the spell and how to do it. I've been practising ever since, only ... i've never been able to make a true form, i've only ever had a mist shield.

"My dear, I think you can do it. Do you know how to do the spell?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Well then my dear, have a go at it. Take your time, no need to rush."

I took a deep breath, what was my happiest memory? I thought about it, and I couldn't think of a powerful one. I normally used the day I came to Hogwarts. I was so happy that day, but it was also the day I met James Potter. Maybe that's why it never formed properly. Who knows? I'd have to think about something else.

Another memory came into my mind. I was nine, and sat on a swing with Tuney. We were swinging higher and higher, well ... I was anyway. Tuney was telling me not to, not to swing so high. She was worried about me. I swung up, and at the point just before I started to fall I leapt upwards though the air. Quite literally flying, in an arc. I landed on the ground, as lightly as if I jumped on the spot. It had been magical. I remember that emotion more clearly, soaring through the air, defying gravity.

"Expecto Patronum," I whispered. I felt my wand erupt with the spell. It was stronger than it had ever been. I knew if I looked I'd seen an animal there. But I couldn't look, I didn't want to. I didn't want to return to the world.

Inside the memory, I was carefree, happy, nothing else mattered. In the real world, everything I had ever known was falling apart. I wanted that memory to last forever.

I heard applause. It sounded like everybody in the Great Hall was clapping. The examiner was saying "Well done dear," quietly to me. I still didn't open my eyes.

It was only as I felt something soft, soft like it was barely there, nudge my hand. I opened my eyes, and saw the doe pawing the ground. She was beautiful, graceful, soft, caring. She was mine.

"Well my dear, you can go." My examiner told me. I let the doe disappear, and walked out of the great hall.

I saw Sirius Black stood waiting for James to come out. He studied me curiously. He looked like he was about to ask something and then thought better of it. I then remember what had happened earlier, with James and Sev. I walked straight up the stairs. I was walking along the corridor to the Fat Lady when I remembered that the common room would, fill with fifth years all fresh from their exams, and they would have a party. I really wasn't in the mood for a party, so I ducked into one of the red curtained alcoves, and sat and stared out of the window there.

I don't know how long I was sat there for. It was long enough for all the fifth years to walk past. Long enough for the rain to start pouring, long enough for thunder to rumble across the sky chasing after the lightening. A tear was rolling down my cheek.

I heard the voices of everybody going to dinner. I wasn't hungry, and I didn't want to reveal my position, so I sat and waited for them all to pass. When I thought that everybody had gone, I peaked around the curtain. The common room would be empty, so I could slip upstairs to my dormitory, and go to bed. No-one would be back for ages. I checked that the coast was clear just once more before I ran, but it wasn't clear. A boy was stood outside the portrait of the Fat Lady. I quickly hid back behind the curtain, and tried to be as still as possible.

"Mr Snape, shouldn't you be at dinner?"

"Yes, Professor McGonagall, only ... I-err-I-err-I- I was waiting for Lily Evans, she hasn't come out of the common room as far as I've noticed and I wanted to make sure she'd eaten something." Sev said quickly.

"Well I'm sure Miss Evans is already in the great hall, you just missed her." Said Professor McGonagall coldly. "Mr Snape, I shall escort you to dinner, in any case, so you can see if she's already there."

I heard Sev splutter, but have no choice but to walk beside Professor McGonagall, as she marched him off to dinner. I waited until they were just about to turn the corner and ran for it.

I said the password to the Fat Lady. I looked around and saw his head turn. I slipped inside before he could do anything. I stood against the wall breathing heavily. That had been close, if he'd had seen my hiding place before McGonagall came, I had had to have talked to him, I really didn't want to talk. Not to Sev, not to James. Not to anybody.

When I got upstairs I sat on my bed and closed my eyes. It was bliss to know that I wasn't going to be bothered here.

"Lily ...? Lily?" Mary was saying. "Lily, are you alright? I haven't seen you all day, and you've missed the end of exams party."

"I'm fine Mary; I just needed some peace and quiet. What time is it?"

"Quarter to twelve."

"Oh, I didn't realise how long I'd been up here, I'll just get changed and go to bed."

"Mary should we tell her? I mean she really needs to know. He's asking for her." Molly was saying to Mary.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"Lily, don't get upset or anything, but ... Severus Snape is outside the portrait hole, and he won't leave until you come out and talk to him. He's even threatened to sleep there." Mary told me.

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, that's what he's said. He looks really upset; perhaps you should go and see him." Molly said.

"Fine, I will, let me get changed and then I'll go down and see him. Don't wait for me to get back; I don't know how long I'll be."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath." I told Severus "I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just -"

"Slipped out?" I said coldly. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You Know Who, can you?"

He opened his mouth but closed it without speaking.

"I can't pretend anymore." I carried on "You've chosen your way, and I've chosen mine."

"No – listen, I didn't mean -"

"– to call me Mudblood? But you call every one of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

He tried to say something, but I didn't want to hear it. I'd heard enough. I turned and walked back in through the portrait hole.

The common room was empty. Oh God what had I just done? I had just told my best friend in the world how much I hated him, and how we just couldn't carry on being friends. My best friend. The person, who'd, introduced me to this world of magic. The person who had guided me though it. The person who was always there when I needed him. And now ... now he won't be there to do any of those things. No I shouldn't have said that. I should have just forgiven him.

I ran back out of the portrait hole. I search every alcove in the whole corridor. He wasn't there. He had gone. I had really made my message clear. Severus Snape had left my life, and I was never going to get him back.

I walked back into the common room, and sat on the sofa. It was now midnight, the house-elves hadn't come in yet, and the fire was still burning. I watched as the flames liked the wood and rolled into the air above. I watched as they flickered and cast shadows around the common room. They were beautiful. I sat and watched them until I heard voices outside the portrait hole.

The portrait swung open. I knew who was coming in without looking. I didn't care. I didn't move my eyes away from the fire. The four people hesitated. After a minute or two I heard them go up the stairs to the dormitories. I still stared at the fire.

I thought I was alone. And let a single tear roll down my cheek. A hand touched my shoulder lightly. I jumped up, and turned to find James standing there.

"Go. Away. Now. Get out of my sight. Get out of my life. Go die in a ditch for all I care. Just go AWAY."

"Lily ..." he said looking worried.

"GO AWAY. FOR FUCKS SAKE JAMES YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO SEE. THIS IS ALL YOU FAULT! SEVERUS HATES ME BECAUSE OF YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU I HAVE NO BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. HE HATES ME. ALL BECAUSE YOU EMBARESSED HIM AND HE WAS TO EMBARASSED TO LET ME HELP HIM. HE THINKS I HATE HIM, AND HE NOW HATES ME BECAUSE OF IT. SO JUST FUCK OFF JAMES!"

"No! No I won't Lily Evans. You think I don't see the way he watches you. You think I don't hear how he talks about you when you're not there. I'm not the only one who's in love with you Lily, he's just too much of a coward to realise it, and now he's lost his chance because he called you a Mudblood. He loves you, but he's too embarrassed to admit it. I never made him say or do anything. I was just having fun. It's his fault that he thinks you hate him. You should. He called you a Mudblood Lily. Anybody who calls you a Mudblood isn't worthy of your friendship."

"SEVERUS DOES NOT LOVE ME! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND. OR WAS! NOT ANYMORE THOUGH. YOU JUST HAD TO PICK ON HIM, DIDN'T YOU?"

My vision was distorted by the tears in my eyes at this point. But I could see James clearly enough, I moved towards him and hit him with all of my might. He staggered and looked stunned. I raised my arm again, but he knew what was coming now, so he caught my arm and held it above my head. I raised my other arm, but he did the same to that one. He lifted me up against the wall so that my head was the same height as his. I tried to kick him, but he realised what I was trying to do and pressed his body against mine.

"Lily, stop it. You'll only hurt yourself." He told me smiling, his hazel eyes mischievous.

This made me even angrier, but I had nothing to attack with, he blocked it all.

He felt me struggling. He smiled even more.

"Let me go James."

"No" and he leaned forward and kissed me.

I was so outraged by the fact that he had the nerve to kiss me. He kissed until my anger evaporated with him. He felt me stop trying to resist. He softened the kiss. And I started to kiss him back. He let my arms go, so I wound them around his neck.

James carried me over to the sofa, and lay down. As he lay down he held me to him so I was lay on top of him.

We continued to kiss until the fire was down to embers. Only when the light had gone from the room did we stop kissing. He turned onto his side so I was lay against the back of the sofa. It was only then that I realised how tired I was. He hugged me tightly and let me fall asleep.

I heard him mutter "Accio blanket." And felt him cover me with the summoned blanket.

As I drifted into sleep I could only think that I had enjoyed that kiss. A lot more than I should have. Did I like James Potter? If I didn't what the hell was I doing kissing him and sleeping next to him. I didn't care at that moment in time; I had got rid of the anger and was now falling to sleep. The rest could wait until the morning.