A/N: YAY! The amazing DC stories are here! Read them and weep.

This is a BOOK AND TV crossover because I'm going to put 'Pushing Daisies' in it later.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or Pushing Daisies. I own everything in the DC stories. Everything.

PS: I wanted to get this out of my system, so I put my mini-version of Breaking Dawn in as the beginning. Don't yell at me! )


Bella the Skank was walking down the street one day going to Newton's Outfitters to get some Under Armour apparel because she came to the conclusion that Edward was really cold. Her wedding was in two days and she was still human. Jacob Black was at the Outfitters, too, buying a water bottle.

"Hey, Bella, I love you." he said.

"I love you, too," she smiled.

Bella picked up a black Under Armour turtleneck and draped it over her arm.

"Under Armour? Well, aren't you a classy little lady…?" Jacob snickered.

"Yes, I am."

"I'm assuming your darling little Eddie boy is paying for it?"

"I told you not to call him that!"

"I stopped calling him 'bloodsucker'. It's the least I can do."

Bella rolled her eyes, "No, actually, I'm paying for it, fyi. I get an employee discount."

"Yeah, like you ever go to work!" Jacob laughed.

Bella bought all of the Under Armour stuff that she needed and Jacob selected a fine Nalgene brand water bottle to purchase.

"Have you ever thought of living with me instead of Eddie boy?" Jacob asked sweetly.

"Yep, all the time. I think I love you way more than I did before."

"Wanna not marry him and still live with Charlie and come to La Push everyday and be human forever!?"

Bella thought about it, "Nope."

"Please," Jacob pleaded.

Bella thought about it again, "OKAY!"


Jacob and Bella walked back to Charlie's house. He was pleased to see Jacob and they talked about how they don't make baseball players like they used to. Bella called Edward.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hey, it's Bella," Bella said calmly.

"Oh, hello, dear. What is up, yo?"

"Don't ever do that again. Ever."

Edward sighed, "Okay, fine. Don't be hatin'."

"Edward, seriously.

He sighed again.

"'kay, listen. Are you listening?" Bella could here rap music in the background on Edward's line.

"Yes."

"Good, 'cause I'm only going to say this once," Bella took a deep breath.

"Is it about your dress? Well, you don't have to worry about it because Alice is picking it from the tailor's right now and everything is fine."

Bella slapped her hand to her forehead, "NO, JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!"

And he did.

"Okay, so. I love Jacob a lot now and I'm calling the wedding off and you can go throw yourself in a fire because you're too cold anyway even though I just wasted a lot of money buying Under Armour stuff to keep me warm at your house while I'm with you. So, yeah we can just be friends now 'cause Jacob and I are madly in love so go find another girl to be ghetto too," Bella said that all really fast.

The other line was quiet for a few minutes, but then Edward finally spoke, "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. Jacob and I finally have something that you can't screw around with. G'bye…. Eddie boy."

"Bel—"

She hung up.

She motioned for Jacob to come up to her room. There, they played 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?' online at fox dot com.


The next morning, Jacob came over. Bella had already told Charlie that her and Eddie were through and the Jakemeister was her new boyfriend. Charlie was one happy dude.

At lunchtime, Jacob went outside to check the mail. There was a tannish-brown envelope on the doorstep of the Swan residence with TOP SECRET scribbled on it in black Sharpie. He walked back into the house. Bella and Charlie were having macaroni and cheese while watching reruns of 'Pushing Daises' (a/n: this isn't the 'Pushing Daisies' part) on ABC because writers like being on strike. He set the envelope on the coffee table in front of Bella. She opened it.

There were three pieces of paper in there. Scribbled in the same black sharpie was:

WASHINGTON, DC STORIES: UNEDITED

WRITTEN BY: CLAIR, ROBYN, AND NICOLE

Note: All characters depicted in this story are absolutely REAL, especially Five.

"What the heck is this?" giggled Bella, her status of skank was temporarily removed.

"I don't know… Let's read them!

Under the writing at the top were pictures of a very happy walrus, a walrus bean, a demented walrus-cat, and a cat with a scarf.

Under those was the headline: STICK FIGURE ASSASSINS. They depicted stick figure version of John Wilkes Booth, Charles Guiteau, Leon Czolgosz, and Lee Harvey Oswald killing their object of governmental hatred. The Secret Service were there, too. (a/n: I'm going to try to put these pictures on my profile when my scanner feels like working.)

Finally, below those pictures was the heading "Table of Contents", beside of which was a picture of a table. The list of the contents were as follows:

Plan B – Clair

Plan C – Clair

Plan D – Clair

Animal Story – Clair

Legal Contract – Nicole and Robyn (with a little bit of Clair)

High Five – Nicole

Two Cows and a Beer – Nicole

Plan Alphabet – Nicole

1337 Years – Clair and Robyn

Hokey Pokey Pickles – Clair and Robyn

The two Swans and the one Black all looked and shrugged at each other: They then proceeded to read Plans B thru D as Bella took them out of the envelope.


A/N: Well, there you have it, all of the titles of my DC stories and how I want 'Breaking Dawn' to be like. I don't feel like typing all of the stories and once, so don't expect them all to be there at once. Also, Plans B and D are pictures, so I can't really write what they, so I'll just describe them instead. All of the plans will be one chapter because they are all short. If you flame, they will be donated to burning Edward on a poke-y Popsicle stick of DOOM! Nice reviews, pleasies!