A Blame it on the Vodka Valentine's Day one-shot!


"I do not understand the custom," Loki admitted, staring in apprehension at the sea of red and pink surrounding them. "Why is it important that I express my sentiments for Darcy on this one day? I express my sentiments every day. This day is not a special day to us."

Tony Stark sighed. "Just go with it, Loki. Women love Valentine's Day. It's stupid and sappy and completely pointless, but women love it. Buy them flowers and chocolates and make sure everything is in pink or deep red."

"But Darcy's favorite color is green."

Stark shook his head in disgust. "Trust me, okay? Women love the attention. Shower her with flowers and candy. Darcy will love it. She'll want to feel special, so be sure to send the stuff to her job, so everyone she works with can see how awesome you think she is."

Loki was skeptical, but Stark had far more experience with women, and Pepper hadn't killed him yet, so he must have some idea how relationships worked. Right?

Darcy didn't love it, although after he explained the misunderstanding, she was deeply amused.

Loki popped into the building and hid around a corner, positioned perfectly so that he could see Darcy's reaction. With a little wave of his hand, he activated the gift. Surprised cries broke out, and he watched with a pleased smile as flowers and foil wrapped chocolates fell out of the air to rain over Darcy's desk. Her reaction wasn't what he'd been expecting. She yelped and dove under her desk. A panic alarm sounded, and agents and Avengers came running from all corners of the building.

Stark was not quite the first on scene and he skidded to a halt, mouth a round O of astonishment as he looked at the flowers and candies raining down onto Darcy's desk. He clapped a hand over his mouth, but couldn't stop a loud bark of laughter.

"Tony! Did you make this happen?" Darcy's voice was in that high pitched range that told Loki he was in trouble.

"I think I did," he admitted. "But it wasn't intentional." He turned away with another loud bark of laughter.

"What the hell is going on here?" Nick Fury demanded as he burst into the room, guns drawn. He took in the impossible sight, and seemed to deflate. "Loki!" he shouted. "You did not just do that!"

Loki turned off the downpour, and slid round the corner with a smirk. "I was told that it was customary," he explained, with a dark look at Tony Stark. "Apparently, that is not the case."

Fury holstered his guns, and waved off a contingent of S.H.I.E.L.D agents. "You're taking relationship tips from Stark? Brave of you."

Darcy climbed out from under her desk. She looked torn between anger and amusement, eyes flashing fire. "Thank you, Loki. It really wasn't necessary. Really." Then, as she looked at the heaps of flowers and candies on her desk, she threw her head back and laughed. Loki hoped that was a good indication that he wouldn't be throttled later on. He edged closer.

Darcy's laughter trailed off, and she met his gaze. "That was very sweet, Loki." She stepped forward and stretched up to twine her arms around his neck. "But I think you should go back to asking relationship advice from Thor."

"Oh shit!" Stark yelled.

Nick Fury sighed. "I don't want to ask, do I?"

Loki cringed. Thor had mentioned some plans about blowing Jane away. He truly hoped that his somewhat simple brother hadn't meant that literally, but Stark looked like he was about to have a panic attack.

"Tony?"

Stark flashed him a 'talk to the hand' and whipped his phone out of his pants pocket. "I have to warn Jane!"