Author's Notes: It's officially my turn for the Author's Notes. So after that wild ride that Hate to Love and Back sent you on, we're doing another one. Yes. Another one. I don't believe it either. I'm posting this one because Kat needs a major break. I hope you like this one just as much as the other one. This chapter sort of sets up the story a bit... It takes place a few months after Carter goes back to the Congo to be with Kem. I don't think that happens on the show. But give us another chance, and when you are done hit that adorable review button at the bottom. Thanks!!! :0 ) And by the way, we own none of the characters mentioned in this fic, from now until forever because I hate doing disclaimers every chapter...

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My eyes are closing on me, and instead I close the worn out copy of Gray's Anatomy that I've had for years. I really should get a new one, but I always forget. I have a bowl resection tomorrow morning and I'm not prepared for it. Well at least Elizabeth is somewhat lenient towards me at times. I take the blanket from opposite side of the sofa and throw it over my feet. I just realized I'm freezing. It's the middle of April but it's still cold. That's Chicago. It was almost sixty this morning. And now it's probably down to thirty. This year has flown by, somewhat rocky, but it has. I want to get over this whole medical school thing and start my internship. I've already been accepted by County, which I'm happy about. I would feel weird anywhere else. I look out the window at the lakeshore. We've got the most beautiful view. I had sworn off men after Carter came back with his whore. I can't believe I'm not even worth waiting a few weeks. But that's in the past, and I've finally decided to move on. I can't keep my life on hold forever. It's probably one of the things that Carter helped me realize. We tried it, but it didn't work out. We were better as friends, we should have never crossed that line. I still miss him sometimes. Especially the friendship we shared, but its over. He's probably married to Kem. I secretly wished it was me a few times. Until I found Zach. It was a complete surprise. I hadn't expected one of Susan's matchmaking experiments to work. And now I'm eternally in debt to her, or so she says. We're not perfect, but we work good together. He's a surgeon at Loyola Medical Center, so his hours are easier than mine. He definitely does not look the 40 years he really is. I know I'm in a huge amount of competition for him, but I guess he saw something in me that I never saw.

I've changed alot, too. I guess I shouldn't have said that people never change, because I know I have. I gave up feeling sorry for myself and decided to do something about it. I've grown a bit more positive, stopped drinking and smoking. I finally feel alive for the first time in ages. I've let my family deal with themselves for a change, and cared about myself. I still have my moments, but Zach doesn't say anything. He lets me do my thing, and that's probably one of the reasons I love to be with him. He doesn't want me to be someone I'm not. He knew, from the beginning, what he was getting himself into, and he stayed around. Which is much more than I can say for a certain doctor. I'm still a little bitter about it. I have reason to be. I'm so tired. But I promised Zach I would wait for him. It's our six month anniversary tonight. He probably has something planned, since that's the type of person he is. I've never been used to having a guy adore me all the time, but that's what Zach does, and I've gotten used to it. He leaves random notes or flowers every few days. I felt so awkward about it at first, but it feels nice. He tries so hard, and I've begun to try to. I know he wants this to work, he's told me as much, and it motivates me to try. If I have a reason to try, I will. I would have. I need to get him out of my head. It's been almost 9 months. He's probably holding his son right now somewhere far away in the middle of Africa. I know I'll never forget him, not something I will discuss with Zach anytime soon though. He took a part of me with him when he left. I still think we need to talk, air out all the dirty laundry. I mean the few days he was here last, I could have sworn there was something, some air of spark between us. He left again, and I decided it was time to get over it. I've done it before, and I can do it again. He said it himself, I'm strong. It took me a while to realize it.

I like myself. I can finally say it. I like who I am. I've finally summoned enough courage to go back to medical school, follow my once-thought-dead dreams. I've also managed to get into a relationship that doesn't take effort, it just flows. We have our fights, our miscommunication issues, but it works out on its own. I think I might have left my soul mate standing outside the entrance to the ER, but a man who makes me feel special shouldn't be considered second best. I like Zach. I don't know if I would say love yet. As a teenager I thought I knew what love, but now I'm more careful about what I say and don't say. I regret not saying it. I need to leave the past in the past. I hear the phone ring and grab the headset, looking at the caller ID. I've only moved in here about two weeks ago, and half his friends still wonder who I am. I'd rather not deal with any of them tonight. But it's Zach, I press the talk button.

"Hey."

I hear really bad reception, so he's probably still at the hospital.

"Abby? I'm so sorry sweetheart. I have to pull a double. I'm sorry. I promise I'll make this up to you."

I roll my eyes. I would be mad, but he usually doesn't have to work unscheduled shifts unless there is an emergency.

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you tomorrow."

I switch the phone to my other ear because it started to fall.

"I have to get back, but go look under your pillow. I love you."

I hear the phone switch off. I should have known he would have hidden something in a obvious spot. I just didn't feel like doing anything but collapsing on the sofa when I got home. I push the blanket off and trudge my way into the bedroom. The condo is so clean. It's always neat. I swear I picked a winner sometimes. A surgeon who can clean and treat a woman the right way. No wonder everyone's always jealous. I like the feeling. I slide my hand under the white pillow and pull out a rectangular jewelry box. I open it slowly, I see a diamond glisten in the dim light. Only Zach would have taken the time to figure out what I would like. It's absolutely gorgeous. A gold necklace with a simple diamond pendant. I'm not a big fan of jewelry, and if I have any, I like simple. I take it out and head towards the mirror to put it on. I wish he was here, but he's not. I've grown dependent on him in a way. That's probably one of the things I did wrong with Carter. I actually believed he would stay. That was one big lie. I let the necklace lay perfectly around my neck. Zach will stay. I know he will. I just sometimes wonder if I want him to. It scares me to think about where I'll be in ten years. I hear the phone ring and I walk back into the living room and grab the phone off the sofa. The caller ID flashes Susan's number at me.

"Be happy Zach is not here, because you would have gotten an earful."

She starts to laugh. I've gotten alot closer to Susan, Sam, and Luka lately. I didn't see a need earlier. But now I have I what I call my double life. I'm out at County all day, and then I come home to a completely separate life. We don't work together, we don't share the same patients or problems. We both talk a little about it, but we both are able to quickly forget it since neither one of us knows what the other is talking about. Can't complain there, that's all I want to do sometimes is just forget.

"What's up?"

I sit down on the sofa, wrapping the blanket back around myself.

"Nothing. I've had a long day."

I hear her yell something at Chuck. Susan's out on maternity leave. She's loving every moment of it.

"Don't let Weaver get to you."

I hate that woman, with a passion. As does everyone else in the ER. And the hospital. And the world.

"I won't."

I start to play with the end of my sleeves. I'm tired and a bit bored. I'm going to bed as soon as I can.

"You sound exhausted, I'm gonna let you get some rest."

I sigh a bit. Thank you Susan for reading my mind.

"I'm sorry Susan. I've got a half shit tomorrow, I'll call you then?"

I will call her. If I remember. It's hard to do that sometimes. I feel so drained of energy after a shift.

"Sure. Goodnight and tell Zach I said he better take care of you or I will take care of him."

I start to laugh.

"Thanks Susan. Night."

I hang up the phone, and lie back down on the couch. I don't feel like getting up anymore. I fix the pillows behind my head. It's nice in bed if Zach is there next to me. But he's not here, and the sofa is telling me to stay, and my body is agreeing with the sofa. I fix the blanket and can feel the weight of my eyes closing them. I will seriously fall asleep in under a minute. Yet that's not a possibility. Someone's knocking at the door. I can't sleep in the on-call room at work, and I can't sleep at home. It's insane. Whoever it is, they better have a good reason for showing up at 11:03 at night. I walk up to the door and start to undo the locks. I swing the door open, and time actually stops moving. I'm frozen.

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