AN: Nothing much happens in this story, just Jasper/ Bella alternate story to New Moon from the POV of Bella Swan a month after Edward left:

I stared in at the Cullen family in the front room of their big, white house, shivering in my thin coat. Right then, I hated being cold. None of them would ever get cold. And if I was like them, Edward wouldn't have left.

Jasper and Alice were leaning up against a wall and talking earnestly. Probably talking about Edward; everything seemed to be about Edward these days. Even when I slept, when I went through my day, he was always there in spirit if not physically.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle were seated at the table, talking, and I couldn't see Esme but guessed she was doing something to keep herself busy. Anything, to keep her mind off Edward. I knew because that was exactly what I'd been doing; driving all over town and catching myself looking out for bronze haired boys, walking around the forest and thinking that Edward would stop me if he were here. He would hate it if he knew I was in the forest, practically tempting fate.

And today, after a month of nothing, I'd decided I was going to do something about it. Charlie, when he'd seen my face on the way out of the house, had tried to stop me. For once, though, I was determined to do something I'd usually never do.

Edward. My heart felt dead in my chest. Sometimes I wondered if it was even there anymore. When I sighed, my breath made a small white cloud. Shoving my hands into my pockets and cursing inwardly, I went up the front steps. My feet were so loud I was embarrassed; surely they must have heard, but nobody looked up or even moved from their picturesque, perfect family scene.

They worked so well without me, and the thing was that even without Edward there I still wanted intensely to belong with them. I wanted to be a vampire, wanted to be special and important and part of their tightly knit group. It was like I was a little kid again and they were a secret club that I wasn't allowed to enter because I'd just lost my in.

Was it wrong to think of Edward that way, when I should be missing him? Because sometimes what I really missed was what I'd become when he'd loved me. The people I'd met, the new lifestyle, the assurance that I wasn't ordinary and could never be ordinary again...and now that was all gone. The cullens might still be polite to me, but could I really kid myself that now they'd still accept me as a member of their family? It had only been because of Edward that they tolerated me. Now I was just a nuisance. An outsider.

Finally, I knocked on the door and waited. It was Jasper who opened it; detaching himself from Alice and moving so quickly and gracefully that I barely saw his feet touch the floor.

"Ah, hello, Bella," he said, not unkindly, and opened the door wider to let me in. I stared at his face, for once not blushing and looking away. I could be just as strong as any of them if I wanted. "Come in." He didn't even question why I was here, which I appreciated.

Even more appreciated was the sudden wave of courage that seeped into me like warm water, all worried and sad feelings gone. For the first time in a month, I didn't feel as hollow. I knew it still had to be there, but really there was nothing but the incredible warmth. I got one last look at Jasper's face, which was smiling and so friendly I wanted to cry, before he ducked away, back to Alice in their corner and back to whatever important discussion they were having.

I sat at the kitchen table, and Esme came rushing in.

"Bella," she said. Her face was full of worry. "I didn't expect...Alice didn't..."

"Alice isn't too happy at the moment," Carlisle said, voice strained with some emotion I couldn't identify. Esme nodded imperceptibly and sat next to me, setting a soft hand on my shoulder.

"I'm just so glad you're here," she said. "I was worried."

"Do you mind if we get Jasper and Alice in here, or would you rather talk more privately?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't mind," I said quickly. No need to inconvenience them any more than I had to.

"JASPER? ALICE?" Emmett called. "Get in here!" The two came in slowly, Alice oddly subdued and Jasper staring off ahead of him. I tried to meet Alice's gaze but she didn't look at me. What was wrong? I hadn't thought I could feel any more worried...

"What are you doing here?" Rosalie asked abruptly.

"I-" I said, faltering and feeling the blush spread through my cheeks. Of course; I couldn't have held it off for long and I didn't like how they were all watching me and waiting for an explanation. "It's Edward. I-I want to know what's going on. I know he's gone and he says he's not coming back. But is this really happening? Is this it? I mean, isn't there anything at all I can do?"

Esme's face crumpled. "Oh, Bella, honey," she said, and before I could react had pulled me into a tight hug. She smelled like flowers, and her coldness was oddly comforting. There was an unnatural spike inside me and I felt calm. Clear. Almost happy, actually. Like I really could get through this. Honestly, it felt too wonderful for me to be annoyed with Jasper for playing with my emotions.

When she let me go, the rest of the faces around the table were drawn and expectant. "He's being an idiot," Emmett finally said.

"That's true," Jasper said, staring down at his hands which were twined on the table. "I thought Edward had more perspective. How he can just leave? That's not how it works. You don't just take off and leave your problems behind for everyone else-" his voice cracked and I stared at him, surprised. Jasper was always so calm; he seemed genuinely upset.

He wasn't the only one. Alice shifted in her seat and glanced over at Jasper, her face unhappy.

"Alice," Carlisle said. "What do you see?"

"He's staying," she said flatly. "It never changes. He's not coming back, not unless something extreme happens to change his mind. I've never seen him so set on something since, well."

"Since what?" I asked quietly.

"Since he decided he would rather love you than hurt you," she said so softly I almost didn't hear. I stiffened and suddenly couldn't look at the others faces. I stared down at the table, vision blurring, and felt tears distinctly pooling in my eyes. My face was so hot, and even the calmness Jasper had given me was loosening; maybe it was that all this was taking him by surprise, but I could barely feel my emotions being controlled. Maybe it was that I was completely beyond his powers.

"That's enough," Esme said briskly. "I think we've all had enough for tonight. Everyone, out. Bella, you're staying with us." She dragged me up and soon we were maneuvering toward the couch where she draped several large blankets over me and tucked them in. She moved so fast i barely had a chance to open my mouth in protest. The others were gone, out the door or to other rooms. Only Esme stayed, rummaging around the kitchen for the food they kept as a guise.

I was just getting comfortable in the blankets, my tears drying and making my face feel tight, everything soft and warm. I should have cried much longer ago. It made me feel miraculously better for the moment, though I knew I'd pay for it later.

"Just get some sleep, dear," Esme said, and her voice was the last thing I registered, along with a hand stroking my head before I slept without dreams. It was the best sleep I'd had in a month because for that moment Edward was completely and totally gone.