Okay guys, here we go!
now i've read quite a few Sakura X Hidan stories and absolutely love the ida of the pairing,
now i know its completely crack buuuut here is crack taken seriously!
This story is somewhat AU in that it branches away from the Manga after chapter 319,
so the whole Hidan and Kakuzu thing never happened and the only dead Akatsuki is Sasori.
Time lapses and such will be explained just bear with me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If i did Itachi would have won.
Encounter!
ANBU VS Akatsuki!
His footsteps were silent, his great black robe did not even whisper in the breeze. Not a soul would have known of his passing into the borders of Fire Country, that is, of course, if it weren't for…
'Aw well fuck this!' he near enough shouted to the poor trees surrounding him. 'Another pointless fucking mission, I think that bastard is just tryin' to get rid of me, not one step in base before I'm fucking sent right back out, mother-fucker, I should send him straight to Jashin-sama…'
Hidan paused momentarily in his tirade as he felt a distant chakra spike, violet eyes immediately darting to the east. However it was gone almost as quickly as it came and so he dismissed it, subconsciously running a hand over his slicked back silver hair, and resumed his rant.
'And as for fucking Kakuzu, that money worshiping bastard…'
Almost five miles away ANBU team 5 stopped rather abruptly as their leader, ANBU Wild Cat, drew to a sudden halt.
'What's the problem' asked ANBU leopard hesitantly, glancing fleetingly around the clearing for the sudden cause of their leaders tense stance.
'I thought I sensed something, about five miles west'
'Well I can't feel anything' ventured ANBU leopard, his two fellows seemed to throw him withering looks behind their masks; they all knew their captain was sensitive to chakra.
'None the less, I will go and check it out, just to be on the safe side.' ANBU Wild Cat then proceeded to remove a scroll from their robes handing it to ANBU Wolf. 'You three will carry on with the mission, return the scroll to Hokage-sama and inform her of my detour. I should be back shortly. Go now, do not stop, and above all ensure the safety of the scroll.'
'But what abou-'
'That is an order.' Barked their captain.
'Hai!' cried the three ANBU in unison.
With this ANBU Wild Cat jumped into the nearest tree. Cloaking their respective chakra signatures the two factions moved off silently into the forest, one heading west as the other three proceeded north to Konohagakure.
He was being watched.
He didn't know how he knew. He just did.
'Well that makes a lot of fucking sense, doesn't it' he muttered.
While keeping his pace through the dense foliage Hidan sent out his awareness yet again finding nothing, if someone truly was trailing him they were obviously highly skilled at hiding their chakra. 'Fucking brilliant' he thought ruefully as all hopes of an easy mission proceeded to fly out the window.
Resigned to either partaking in a battle or looking like a complete idiot to all watching animals and foliage Hidan stopped in his tracks turning to look behind him at where his suspected stalker was probably hiding.
'I know you are there, so fucking come out ass hole, or I'll fucking make you!' he shouted hoping that he wouldn't have to subsequently add severe paranoia to the list of many other psychological issues that were sure to leave any good psychiatrist reeling.
About three meters to the right of the bush that he had just been shouting, and glaring furiously, at a figure appeared seemingly from nowhere.
Just by looking at the shinobi before him Hidan surmised that he was standing before a Konoha ANBU, the white body armour and cat-like mask being a dead give-away in his eyes. The altogether shapeless clothing and hair covering hood made it impossible for him to gage anything other than the ANBU's station and village which to him, being one who liked to torment his opponents, was a bit of a fun killer.
'I am ordered to kill all members of your organisation on sight, however, if you leave Fire County now without any argument or violence I will allow you to return to the border in peace. Should you choose to reject this offer I will engage you in battle resulting in your forced removal from our country.'
Voice made hollow by the presence of the mask the ANBU spoke without hesitation or pause, which Hidan found to be a rather brave thing to do in light of the fact that they were clearly alone.
'Intend to 'forcefully remove' me all by yourself, do ya? Heh. I'd like to see you fucking try!' he growled, swinging his large three bladed scythe from his back.
'I will no doubt do more than try' the ANBU stated casually while removing a scroll from their hip-pouch.
He took a moment to appraise his weapon, forefinger gliding over the tip of the third blade. Flicking his eyes up he glared into the mask of the ANBU; changing into an offensive stance he raised his scythe before him.
'Devine judgement awaits, heathen!'
The large scythe tore into the ground where the ANBU stood seconds ago, only to be pulled back roughly by its long rope in time to deflect the sudden rain of kunai, shuriken and various other sharp implements falling upon the now irate Akatsuki member. As the last kunai fell the ANBU appeared again rapidly forming hand seals and discarding the now used scroll.
Fūton: hayai-ken no Jutsu!
The air between them began to change, moulded by the ANBU's technique, sending peircing winds towards him at greater speeds than he could easily dodge, Hidan backflipped into the trees behind him. He landed awkwardly due to the large wound, newly opened. His right leg was now spilling his blood at, what would to normal people be, an alarming rate.
'That fucking hurt!' he cursed loudly throwing several shuriken equipped with exploding tags down towards his opponent.
Retuning to the ground now that the ANBU had been forced to end the Jutsu due to Hidan's exploding projectiles he cursed again upon seeing that, not only had they again avoided his attacks but the ANBU was not sporting a single cut or graze.
'Jashin dammit!'
At this seemingly inane comment the ANBU paused noticeably, glancing briefly at the Akatsuki member as though confused, however this was soon broken as the scythe one again came soaring forward, taking advantage of the momentary lapse of concentration.
Dodging just in time the ANBU once more managed to avoid the triple bladed weapon by jumping to the right, immediately throwing two shuriken mid-jump and forming yet more hand seals.
Kage bunshin no Jutsu!
Two clones appeared on either side of the ANBU both bringing their right fist to the ground in a devastatingly powerful chakra enhanced punch. The centre ANBU jumped into the air sending a handful of poison coated senbon needles soaring towards the Akatsuki member as a great fissure parted the ground from the power of the clones punch, forcing Hidan into the air. He managed to deflect all but one of the needles which punctured the skin of his left shoulder, albeit only shallowly.
'Aw fuck!' thought Hidan angrily, the fight was not going the way he intended and although his wounds were in no way slowing him, he simply wished to end the battle quickly.
The ANBU landed nimbly between the two clones dismissing them with a puff of smoke. Upon landing Hidan sent forth several shuriken subtly guiding them closer as he again sent his scythe forth to intercept. This time the ANBU was not quite so lucky as, although they managed to dodge all the shuriken easily, the battle was now over in Hidan's eyes for he had at last managed to draw blood. Just a small and shallow cut to the elbow of the right arm, but it was all he needed. Drawing back the scythe triumphantly he brought the middle blade, now stained with blood, before him and proceeded to lick the red liquid from its surface.
Almost in morbid fascination the ANBU stood frozen to the spot watching as he ingested the last drop of the blood. Then the Akatsuki member began to change. Skin once a porcelain white faded to the darkest shade of ebony emblazoned with pale skeletal markings. At his feet he used the butt of his scythe to draw a large symbol from his own blood, taken from the wound in his leg, an equilateral triangle encased within a circle…the symbol of the Death God, Jashin.
'The ritual is at last ready! Prepare for your sins to be cleansed in pain and your soul to be sacrificed unto my Lord Jashin-sama!' Hidan called out almost reverently as he plunged his scythe into his own body, blades protruding from his back, he proceeded to tear downwards as if to cut himself in two.
Blood pooling at his feet, a guttural sound, almost a cross between pleasure and pain was ripped from his thoughts as his life essence dripped from the corners of his smiling mouth. The ANBU member fell to their knees with a surprised and pained grunt, the effects of the Jutsu clearly taking their toll.
And then he flinched.
It was not the pain of his, seemingly life threatening, wounds that caused this reaction, but instead the most peculiar sound that permeated the air.
Glancing down at the crouched form of the Konoha ANBU, arms crossed protectively over their abdomen, where his jutsu would have replicated the wounds of his own body, he found the source of the strange sound.
The ANBU was laughing.
All Hidan could do was stare as the ANBU stood slowly, reaching up they then proceeded to remove their mask and hood.
Before him stood a Kunoichi.
A Kunoichi with pink hair.
A Kunoichi with pink hair, who was smiling at him as blood seeped from the corners of her mouth.
Dropping her Cat-like mask the Kunoichi reached beneath the neckline of her clothes and brought out a rosary, from the rosary hung the one thing that Hidan least suspected to see in anyone's possession other than his own.
An (upside-down) equilateral triangle held within a circle.
The symbol of Jashin-Sama,
An exact replica of his own.
…
…
…
'WHAT THE FUCK!'
Note: ''Fūton: hayai-ken no Jutsu!''
I made this one up, Roughly translates to: Wind: swift blade technique
I would like to thank my wonderfull Beta readers,
Kelso the great. ish
and
Belizma-chan
