Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Supernatural. They are all Kripke's creation.

All characters' thoughts are in italics.

Thanks Shannon for your beta work!

Hell on Earth

Tears partially fill my eyes threatening to spill over and stream down my face

No matter how many tears I shed

No matter how many drinks I down

What I did will be forever etched in my memory

Big deal I held out for thirty years

I should have held on indefinitely

People keep telling me to forgive myself

How can I do that when all I see in my dreams are all the poor souls I tortured just to relieve my own suffering

How selfish was that?

Those torture sessions will continue to haunt me until the day that I die

There is no forgiveness for me only never ending pain