A/N: Just trying out the Humor genre. I had fun writing this one.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Gaara, Sakura, nor any of her size B bras.
Sabaku no Gaara watched in mild amusement as the greatly-renowned and very talented medic, apprentice of the Godaime Hokage herself, stormed into the bar, her face every bit as red as her cherry pink hair. The medic hoisted herself up on one of the bar stools, her face in a furious scowl, and, with a decidedly bad-tempered air, slammed her fist on the bar and ordered a martini, which she then proceeded to down in one gulp.
On her third martini, the Kazekage distinctly heard the medic muttering sourly under her breath, "Flat? Me? Flat?! I think not." Then, with a sudden loud thump, she slammed her fist onto the bar, causing everyone else present to jump and dart nervous glances at her. "Ooh, that man! Am I going to kill him!" she announced suddenly, shaking a fist at something in front of her that no one apparently could see, judging, thought the Kazekage, by the way everyone started and looked at her like she was raving mad, before they, very, very quietly, set down their drinks and started creeping for the door.
The medic, who was obviously in a foul mood, threw her head back and downed her forth martini in a row,while her face got distinctly redder and redder.
She hiccuped, spilling the contents of her martini down her dress.
"…Flat-chested?! How dare he!"
Then she straightened, and called, "Oi, you!" She hiccuped again. Every male in the bar, including the visibly trembling bartender, stiffened. The pink-haired woman, who was, at this point, very, very drunk, stood up, swaying dangerously. "You over there!" Moving unsteadily over to a brown-haired man in a coat, who promptly wet his pants, she said, staring forbiddingly at him, "Yeah, you. Do you think I'm flat?"
The man gulped, sweat trickling down his brow, his eyes darting nervously to her chest and then back to her very, very red face. She loomed over him in a very threatening way.
"Well? Do you?"
"N-no… miss. I d-don't… think so…"
"Eh?! You lie! I can see it in your eyes! You!" She swung suddenly, turning her attention to another man who had, at this point, almost reached the door. He froze in midstep, while the brown-haired man, relieved of the burden of her attention, fainted with relief.
She swayed drunkenly towards him, her knuckles cracking in a very ominous kind of way. The Kazekage watched as he grabbed the nearest chair to steady his trembling knees, which looked like they were about to give way, and flashed her a small smile of pure terror.
"Er… yes?" He managed nervously.
She leaned forward close to him, while he bent all the way back, her nose almost touching his. Ordinarily he would have been excited that such a beautiful lady was willing to get so close to him, but the crazy light in her eyes told him that, if he didn't get this right, he would wish he was born a girl…
"Do you think I'm flat?"
"Er, no, miss, not at all… You have a…er… very voluptous chest…"
To his relief, she straightened, apparently satisfied, and he sank to the floor, his unfaithful knees unwilling to hold him up under the pressure.
The poor man watched as the crazy woman teetered back to her seat, halted undecidedly, then changed direction and started towards an unformidable looking red-haired man who had been, until now, sitting quietly in the corner.
"You!"
Gaara stared up at her, nonplussed. This woman had obviously gotten her temper from Tsunade…
"Do you think I'm flat-chested? Do you?!"
Very calmly, jade eyes slid down to the region where, he supposed, her chest was located.
"If by flat-chested you mean lacking in cleavage, I am inclined to agree."
The temperature in the bar seemed to have dropped several degrees, and out of the corner of his eye, Gaara saw everyone duck down to hide under the nearest table.
The pink-haired woman swayed uncertainly, and blinked several times in confusion. Her alcohol-intoxicated brain was slowly processing what had been said to her.
Then it clicked. Her expression changed from one of confusion to fury.
"WHAT?!"
Abandoning all pretense, everyone made a run for their lives. Tables were upturned as everyone fought, punched, and kicked to get to the door.
It was every man for himself.
Gaara's attention shifted back to the pink-haired kunoichi in front of him, who was, at that moment, a ball of fury. He wondered mildly if he should have lied like the other men.
Her arm was raised, her mouth a grim line of concentration as she began focusing her chakra in her right fist. Men were all bastards.
And right now, she was going to make this one pay.
Naturally, she was somewhat a bit too unfocused to notice that the particular guy that she was going to blow into kingdom come was not your run-of-the-mill idiot, but the all-mighty Kazekage Sabaku no Gaara, who was, at that moment, having second thoughts about the whole thing.
The kunoichi prepared to strike, her arm bringing down a power-packed punch and the heavy weight of a woman's wounded pride.
Sand grains sizzled out of his gourd as he tensed, ready to attack.
All hell broke loose.
A/N: So. How did I do?
Possible sequel, if I can figure out what happens next.
