Hey this is my first Twilight fic. Sorry this first chapter is short but it is more just setting up the story. It is a sort of prologue I guess. They will get longer (hopefully). Thanks to my editor time.forgets. and also I'm sorry in advance to fans of Bella and Edward and all that. It is very possible that I will pick on them quite a lot because I don't like them. Sorry. I'm more of an Alice and Jasper fan (but of course I love Jacob too). And no I don't really hate Rosalie she's just so easy to pick on.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters and anything related to Twilight. Yeah.
Alice
I really did get bored a lot. I had put all of my clothes (well, the clothes in the house) into order so perfectly. By colour and then by how many straps and then by designer and then put them all away again. I'd bought everything of interest off of eBay and there was nothing good coming up for weeks. The new season of fashion wasn't in for another month. I'd hunted earlier that day. Jasper was in the middle of reading the entire set of Encyclopedia Britannicas so I couldn't really do anything with him. Rosalie had been especially cold since the whole Renesmee thing and Emmett had just got a new Xbox game so I wouldn't be hearing much from him for another few days. I had exhausted my lengths of amusement.
I looked around the room. Carlisle was sitting next to Esme, his hand resting gently over hers, a small but somehow significant show of affection. Emmett was plonked in front on the tv playing his new Crash Bandicoot Racing, Rosalie was standing by the window staring off into space, Bella and Edward were off in their cottage being all private and Jasper was sitting on the floor in front of me with a seven fat old books spread out on the floor around him. He was currently absorbed in one labelled K-M, turning the page every ten or fifteen seconds. Every few minutes he would absent mindedly kiss my calf. I was sitting on the couch with my legs wrapped loosely around his neck, with nothing to do. I closed my eyes, looking for something interesting that was to happen today...
something interesting...
something interesting...
something interesting...
...
something remotely interesting then...
...
hmm...
something even faintly interesting...
...
surely there must be something...
...
slightly?
...
...
...damn.
How could there be nothing at all!? I thought for a while longer for something that I could do to add some excitement to my dreary day. I eventually thought of something. Something that was very immature, but then I guess immaturity was quite a feat for someone of my age. I had a quick peek into the future to see if it'd work. It was all fuzzy. Must've be that damn dog lying in the corner. Well, no harm in trying. I took a deep breath (not that I needed it but it added to the effect).
"PENIS!"
Jasper looked at me strangely. What he didn't see was that shouting was a very pleasing way of making someone annoyed. It was rarely needed for vampires and therefore it usually got on someone's nerves and caused a reaction. An when a vampire got pissed, they got really pissed. My efforts were soon rewarded.
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH ALICE!!" Rosalie yelled back just as loudly.
Good. A response. I rubbed my hands together, hoping for more.
"Take it downn a notch Rosalie." Jacob mumbled sleepily from the corner. "Geez."
Ooh the werewolf was getting involved. Even better.
Rosalie ignored him.
Jacob sighed. "Dumb blo-"
In a fraction of a second Jacob was pinned against the wall with Rosalie holding him down, bearing her teeth angrily. "Jacob!" she hissed.
"Yeah?" He asked innocently. "What's up blondey? Oooh I have one for you. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?"
"I'm warning you Jacob..."
Jake grinned. "Pull out the pin and throw it back."
Oh that's gold.
Rosalie growled angrily. "Anything you say can and will be held against you." She snapped.
The corners of Jake's mouth twitched as he fought another smile. "Breasts?"
I really did like having Jacob around. He was always a source of entertainment.
Emmett and Carlisle were there in a flash and seized the thrashing blonde vampire before she could pulverize the young werewolf. "You will pay you filthy mongrel!" She shrieked.
But then it was over as quickly as it had started. Jacob was asleep, Rosalie was subdued... well, as subdued and Rosalie was going to be within the next month now. Emmett returned to the TV and Carlisle returned to Esme.
Well that was an anti-climax. All my fun was suddenly gone. Woosh.
Back to bordem. I sat there for at least an hour or so before Jasper spoke.
"I remember that place." He mumbled to himself, his face in an encyclopaedia labelled N-P. I leant down and skimmed across the page, looking for what had captured his intention. I soon found the word prado in italics, next to short description describing a park in Madrid. I was about to sit up again when two words, sitting gloriously in italics a few spaces above prado, caught my eye. These two fantastic words were the answer to my bordem.
Practical Jokes.
A plan quickly formed in my head. I only needed one person to help.
"Jasper." I whispered before I flew out the front door, the wind racing through my hair, and didn't stop till I was deep in the woods. I couldn't afford any of the others hearing what I was going to say. It'd ruin everything. I stopped very suddenly and Jasper slid gracefully to a halt next to me.
"What's wrong Alice?"
I explained my plan to him, watching as his cautious frown gradually morphed into a smile until he was beaming with delight. Like I always said, you can never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother. I was technically at present quite a few years older than my grandmother so it wasn't something I could put to practice but hey. I had my plan so intricate and thought out and understood it so well that Jasper took in every little detail, getting more and more excited by the minute. He was the equivalent of a grandmother.
I leant in close to him. "So are you in?"
--
R&R PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE but no flames
p.s. Sorry if I'm slow to update. I get writer's block really easily but I'll try to keep the chapters coming. I just don't want to post things up if they aren't finished because then there really isn't much point.
