Summary- Rodney admits something to john, but john's not ready. (McShep angst)
Disclaimer- I own nothing.
I shot you down
Chapter 1- I want to love you
John's POV-
I didn't have a clue. Not one as to what to do now.
I sit on my bed and glance at the door he oh so briskly dashed out of. I then glance at my hand, how could I have done that? He laid his heart out to me and what do I do?
I crush it under my foot.
God, how could I have been so god damn clueless?
Earlier-
Tonight was a good night. I finally got some time to myself, a chance to relax. I sit down on my bed with a contented sigh as I take out my comic book.
In the middle of my third page I hear the door bell.
"Come in." I call as I put the comic down and look up. The familiar sound of the door whooshing open fills the room.
Rodney causally walks into my room with his hands in his pockets.
I smile as I stand, "Hey McKay, what brings you here?" I ask as Rodney looks up at me. His face tight with nervousness, "Is something wrong…?" I ask as rodney shakes his head.
"no, no nothings wrong…actually everything is great." Rodney says as he walks closer to me.
He stops right in front of me and I feel his hands on my shoulders. I feel him take in a shaky breath before he leans in and he….
…kisses me.
My mind froze as my eyes went wide. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to do.
'McKay loves me? Why…? Wait no…he can't' I think as my hand goes up and then…
…slap.
I feel my hand hit against his cheek with a dull smack.
I watched him pull back and his hand go to the now red spot on his cheek. His eyes are wide and filled with the pain of denial.
I open my mouth but I couldn't get the words to come out. My mind screams at me to say sorry but all I can do is watch.
"I…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have….I'll leave…" Rodney sentence trails off painfully as I see the heart break in his eyes. He dashes out the door as I watch him go.
I feel my heart fall to pieces, 'it's not my fault…I can't love you.' I think to myself as I stare after him, 'I'm so sorry Rodney, I really want to love you…I just can't' I think as I move over to my bed, not having a clue as to what to do now.
TBC-
Next up- Rodneys POV of the after effects. Review if you like.
