Summary- Rodney admits something to john, but john's not ready

Summary- Rodney admits something to john, but john's not ready. (McShep angst)

Disclaimer- I own nothing.

I shot you down

Chapter 1- I want to love you

John's POV-

I didn't have a clue. Not one as to what to do now.

I sit on my bed and glance at the door he oh so briskly dashed out of. I then glance at my hand, how could I have done that? He laid his heart out to me and what do I do?

I crush it under my foot.

God, how could I have been so god damn clueless?

Earlier-

Tonight was a good night. I finally got some time to myself, a chance to relax. I sit down on my bed with a contented sigh as I take out my comic book.

In the middle of my third page I hear the door bell.

"Come in." I call as I put the comic down and look up. The familiar sound of the door whooshing open fills the room.

Rodney causally walks into my room with his hands in his pockets.

I smile as I stand, "Hey McKay, what brings you here?" I ask as Rodney looks up at me. His face tight with nervousness, "Is something wrong…?" I ask as rodney shakes his head.

"no, no nothings wrong…actually everything is great." Rodney says as he walks closer to me.

He stops right in front of me and I feel his hands on my shoulders. I feel him take in a shaky breath before he leans in and he….

…kisses me.

My mind froze as my eyes went wide. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to do.

'McKay loves me? Why…? Wait no…he can't' I think as my hand goes up and then…

…slap.

I feel my hand hit against his cheek with a dull smack.

I watched him pull back and his hand go to the now red spot on his cheek. His eyes are wide and filled with the pain of denial.

I open my mouth but I couldn't get the words to come out. My mind screams at me to say sorry but all I can do is watch.

"I…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have….I'll leave…" Rodney sentence trails off painfully as I see the heart break in his eyes. He dashes out the door as I watch him go.

I feel my heart fall to pieces, 'it's not my fault…I can't love you.' I think to myself as I stare after him, 'I'm so sorry Rodney, I really want to love you…I just can't' I think as I move over to my bed, not having a clue as to what to do now.

TBC-

Next up- Rodneys POV of the after effects. Review if you like.