Disclaimer: I own none of the characters
Rating: T
Genre: Angst
Title: His Eyes
Summary: I see myself in him, but the feelings that he feels are different from mine. I want the pain and deaths of others, all I see him looking at is me. And I see an animal in him that looks identical to mine. Dark themed RockxRevy
Revy's POV:
I see his eyes following me, I know what goes on in his head. He might think I don't know that he wants me, but I know. I don't know how badly he wants me, but I know he does.
I've tried to not think about it, but it's hard. I tell myself that he doesn't have the balls to do it, but there's still an underlying sense that I should be afraid.
I can't say I'm one to talk about who should fear who though.
I AM Revy Two Hands after all. I've killed thousands almost every week. If I had it my way, it would be every day, not just every week. But Dutch and his fucking slim schedule…..
In any case, Rock has been acting weird lately. I tell myself that it isn't anything to be bothered about. I mean seriously, it's Rock for fuck's sake. He doesn't have the balls to do anything.
At least, that's what I tell myself. However, the idea of a wolf in sheep's clothing always succeeded in creeping the hell outta me. Damn it, Rock why do you gotta irritate me, damn annoyingly moronic pansy.
Though, I've been getting the feeling lately that he's not so much of a pansy…anymore.
And speak of the devil, the asshole is standing there right now. How the fuck can he cause me so many problems? Rock has made me look at myself differently, has made me feel differently, has made me actually like him.
Not even Dutch or Benny, as long as I've known the two of them have succeeded in that.
I respect Dutch, to a degree, but I don't like him any more than he likes me. Benny's just a minor irritation.
At the beginning, I always thought that Rock would be just like Benny when I first met the Japanese businessman; an annoyance, nothing more, nothing less. However, he has clearly turned into something much more in my eyes.
I've told myself again and again that some Jap pansy meant nothing to me, that he'd never get any emotions other than anger and annoyance from me, and that that was the way it should be.
I was wrong. Way wrong. He's caused "problems" for me that I never thought I'd ever experience. I find myself almost……fascinated by him, well I was fascinated until recently, but that's another story.
I didn't understand how some businessman from the 'other side' could be affecting me so much. He made me think about my past, and it wasn't pleasant, yet he made me look at myself in such a way that I forgot about hurting him almost completely.
And yet, he hasn't seemed to let up on looking at me the way he does…….I've seen him watch me. His gaze is hungry. I've seen plenty of men look at me like that before. Although, most men, when seeing me usually are smart and cower away in fear when I glare at them.
However, some of them, whom are either daring or stupid continue to wander their eyes over my body as if they don't think I can sense it. I know very well what they'd do if I wasn't so strong and cautious. I know some of the more idiotic ones wish they could run their hands along my body. Spread their filth as if I'd want it.
However, Rock's gaze is far different, even from those little shits' gaze. Rock looks at me as if I'm to be worshipped, not groped. I've never seen someone look at me like that, well except for a few naïve young boys when I was younger back in New York who admired and thought me to be a goddess of death.
Those boys were fools. They thought that me, being only about eleven or twelve at the time, and being able to shoot a guy in the croch faster than a snake could bite your ass, wouldn't be such a rabid dog around them. Morons. They were easy prey. Even more easy than most of the bums I shot up on the streets of New York.
Rock acts as if I'm a normal person, not a goddess and yet, he wishes to worship me as any fool would do so for a goddess. I was sure that I was imagining things, I mean, who in their right minds would see me of all people as a goddess, except maybe for a goddess of death?
His eyes still follow me even after all the brutality that he's seen me commit. Perhaps he holds the same fascination towards me that a hunter would for a tiger. He fears me but also admires me. That's the only thing that I can think of.
It's fascination, that's all. At least, that's what I've told myself. But if it's just fascination, why do I find myself wallowing in so much denial?
No, he feels more for me than just fascination, and I know it. He and I have had our bickering, and I'm grateful for that, otherwise I think Rock would act on more of his feelings than I'd like if not for that intense conversational clashing.
I tell myself again and again that I have nothing to worry about. But how can I say that there's nothing to worry about when I myself don't find any desires to refuse his unsaid advances.
As I've said, I don't know exactly I feel for him. I shouldn't feel anything, I know, however, I somehow have the feeling that Rock is reflecting my own feelings towards him.
He is acting as a mirror image of myself. His feelings reflect mine, even though I think I'd shoot him in the ass before I admit that.
I know he's changed since he's come here to Roanapur. He's changed horribly. I've watched him over time and it hurts me more than even a bullet could. His soul seems to have become darker and darker as he resides in Roanapur, and he acts differently even.
I told him, hoped beyond hope that he would return to his family and his old life when we went to where he used to live, but he just walked by as if it didn't even mean 'home' to him anymore. There have only been a couple of times before when I've felt so worried. He's cut off any ties he's had with 'the other side.'
The side that would be considered 'alive.' I tried to protect him so much from when the Washimine heir committed suicide, hoping to keep him from breaking emotionally, but it looks like I've already broken him.
He's changed since he's come here. His eyes have darkened, he's become quieter about the violence in this city. He shrugs it off as if he grew up with it. I find myself panicking more and more that he's becoming cold and distancing himself away from the man I used to know.
And I'm afraid.
I've seen him change from the warm, frail, gentle man I used to know into an almost indifferent, cold and secretive being all together. I remember how it was when he and I first met. How I came to eventually see him as stronger than me. How he held such strong feelings and seemed to plead with me not to wander further into a stupor of rage because he was afraid that I would suffer more.
Now it feels like I'm the one pleading for him to not darken his soul. I yelled at him not to look at the Washimine heir while she was stabbing that sword through her fucking neck, but his eyes were glued to her soon lifeless body….and soon his eyes darkened and now darken even more as he watches me.
His eyes darken more and more with a desire that I yearn to look away from, but can't. I wanted to believe before when he was still 'light' that I was the one stronger than him, and I was proven wrong.
Now I plead with myself mentally, hoping that now that he's the one that's dark and suffering, then I'm the one that's stronger this time.
But I'm not. And I know it. I have feelings for him just as he does for me…..and even if he's turning into someone else, I still know him as Rock…..my gentle Rock.
I know eventually I'll break as he already has and will weaken to his desires towards me.
He won't be able to control those feelings of his anymore than I will. It's too late to pull him back from darkness. You can't pull someone out of something when their already neck deep.
Damn it, Rock. Why'd you have to come with us after those Japanese bosses confronted you? I know that he doesn't see it that way. I know he thinks that he's freed himself from that life….but why would he want to be? That life was MADE for him.
Or maybe, that life was made for the old Rock. The Rock I used to know and not fear internally.
I fear him, though I would rather eat 88 bullets before admitting it, and he knows it. His eyes hold a darkness, but also a tenderness that I've never seen in anyone else before.
And that's why I'll never really want him to leave and go back to his old life…..and will allow him to keep falling into darkness.
As you saw, this was sort of a sequel to 'My Dark Beast,' you guys wanted it, you got it. Could it have been better? Really, this is only my third fic, so please, feel free to tell me.
