A/N The song is 'Hurt' by Christina Aguilera. It's my favourite song at the moment. I have re-written the end, so if you've already read it, read it again.
Hurt
The Doctor pulled himself up from under the grating to see a very nervous Rose standing above.
"Rose!" He exclaimed and stood up. "What's wrong?" He asked, seeing her anxious eyes.
"I have something to tell you." She said, her bottom lip trembling
"Go ahead," He smiled, expecting it to be something normal. He was very wrong.
"I Love you," She gushed and looked up at him worriedly.
The Doctor blinked, and frowned. "You what?"
"I love you," She whispered.
The Doctor looked at his feet for a long time and when he looked up Rose thought she could see tears in his eyes.
"Rose," He started, "I…look I like you very much but I can't love you, I'm a time lord, the last time lord, and you're, well you're human!"
"So, it doesn't matter!"
"But Rose, don't you see it does!" The Doctor felt like his heart was being wrenched out at the sight of Rose crying because of what he said. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and wipe the tears away but he knew he couldn't.
"Don't you see Rose," He continued, "I'm going to live for a very long time yet, and you're going to grow old and eventually die. I can't go through that heart break."
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh
"So this is all about you is it?" Rose asked angrily.
"No, Rose, it's not what it looks like…"
"Yet, it is! What about me, don't you ever think it will break my heart to be around you and know that you don't love me."
"Rose, I think you should go."
"Sending me off to my room won't make this situation any better!"
"No, I mean leave me and the TARDIS, go back to London to live with your mother and Mickey."
"What? You're sending me home?"
"As you said, it will break your heart to be around me knowing that I don't love you. I'll set the co ordinates for Christmas 2006, you should go and pack your bags, we will be there in a couple of minutes."
Rose took one last tear stained look at him and stormed off to her room.
The Doctor sighed and put his head in his hands.
You're making a bad decision.
"Shut up," The Doctor hissed to the ceiling.
You're going to regret it later.
'Ignore it,' the Doctor thought to himself.
He had decided to not tell Rose he loved her, he thought that that would be easier for her to leave. He knew it would be easier for him. But, he wished that he could tell Rose that he loved her, that he could hold her in his arms and kiss her and be with her forever. But he knew these things could never happen.
A few minutes later Rose strolled into the control room holding a big pink bag. The Doctor felt the familiar bump of the TARDIS landing.
The Doctor held the door open and Rose stormed threw it without even a goodbye.
"Bye!" The Doctor shouted, but he knew Rose ignored it.
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
A week later and the Doctor was walking around and around the control room. He had fixed everything that could be fixed at least 3 times and he hadn't gone anywhere near Rose's room. He slumped onto the floor.
"God I miss her," He muttered.
Hate to say I told you so!
"I know, I know! Are you happy know?"
I'll take you back to see her, will that please you?
"It would but do you think she'll take me back? I mean, I completely denied loving her, which I do by the way but you already know that! Oh god, I need to feel her warm hand in mine."
She'll be happy to see you.
"I guess, OK, go on then, take us to London. Make it January 2007."
Sure thing.
The Doctor felt the TARDIS move and a few minutes later…
We're here!
"Great! I owe you one."
Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
The Doctor rushed out and into the large block of flats. He was surprised he wasn't greeted by Rose running out, but maybe she was still furious with him. He couldn't blame her!
He knocked on the door quickly and impatiently. Jackie opened the door slowly and pocked her head around it. He immediately noticed her tear stained face.
'Oh, it's you.' She sighed and let the door swing open. She walked towards the kitchen, sobbing into a handkerchief. The Doctor was left, standing in the doorway completely confused. He followed her slowly and went into the living room. He sat down on a big sofa and accepted the hot tea that Jackie offered him.
She sat down on the armchair and slowly sipped at her tea. After what seemed like forever the Doctor asked, 'Is Rose home?' He immediately regretted it when Jackie looked up a mix of hatred and grief on her face.
For a second it looked like she was going to start shouting insults at him but she shut her mouth and looked at the ground. 'No,' she whispered.
Some days I feel broken inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh
'Right, and can you tell me where she is?' He asked hopefully.
'No,' she repeated, then looked up, straight into the Doctor's eyes, silent tears streaming down her face. 'At least, I can tell you where she's not.'
'Well I guess that's a start, go on then'
'She's no longer in this world, universe, life!' A fresh burst of tears overwhelmed Jackie and she sobbed into her handkerchief.
'What?' The Doctor croaked, his throat suddenly dry.
'She's dead!' Jackie whispered.
'How?'
Jackie stared at him for a few minutes before answering. 'The night you…left her she was distraught and went to the pub to drown herself in alcohol. She left the pub in the early hours of the morning and, well she was very drunk and it was late and dark and…' Jackie sobbed and blew her nose before continuing in a high squeaky voice, '…she was run over!'
The Doctor shook his head, hoping that if he told himself that it never happened, that it might not happen and Rose might be standing next to him ready to give him a hug and a kiss and come back with him on the TARDIS. He had no such luck. 'It's all my fault,' he whispered.
Jackie slammed her mug down on the coffee table. 'You're bloody right, this is all your fault. She would still be arrived if you hadn't been so scared of commitment that you had to send my daughter home!'
She was right. He was a bloody bastard! He felt tears coming to his eyes and he didn't wipe them away. It was all his fault. He looked up and got the shock of his life when he saw Jackie wrapping her arms around him in a large hug. He sunk into it and let the smell of tea and lemon cake overwhelm him then he sank down into the sofa and shut his eyes to the world.
'You really loved her, didn't you.' Jackie realised and the Doctor nodded. 'DO you want to visit her grave?' The Doctor looked at her as if she was mad but she just smiled. 'It really helps you know.'
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
The Doctor knelt down beside her grave and let his tears fall down and settle in the grass and soil beside it. He heard Jackie's soft footsteps as she departed. He was grateful to her for giving them some time alone. He sat there next to her grave for what seemed like an hour before he got up the courage to talk.
'I'm sorry…' He whispered and laughed, 'You know, I've fought Daleks, Cybermen, Slitheens, you name it, and I'm scared to tell you my feelings! Well, here goes. I love you Rose, I've loved you since I took your hand and told you to run. You've always been special and stood out from other humans. There's something about you, you're amazing. And I was too scared to tell you, too scared to get too close to you incase I got my heart broken. I was a coward and because I pushed you away you ended up dying. God, how stupid I was and how much I long to be with you now. I guess people have to learn from their mistakes, and I'm sorry that the only way I could learn was for you to die. Goodbye Rose Tyler, I will never forget you.'
The Doctor stood up and put down the flowers he had brought next to the dying ones put there a few days ago. He walked back to the TARDIS alone, how he was going to live his life forever.
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
A/N Right, so I rewrote it, and I'm quite proud with my efforts the second time round. I hope you like it too. So please read it, and then review it. Please! I'm trying to be polite here. Thank you very much, you are a great audience. Good night!
CaptainOats12
