All rights for Stargate are unfortunately MGM's. I own nothing.
As she stands on top of the highest tower, she dreams.
She dreams of home. Washington, Earth. Her mother and Sedgewick, at home, waiting for her. She can see them both, devastated over the announcement of her death. It hasn't been long since that day, but she knows, in some way she can't explain, that even if they do find her someday, she'll never see them again. Her death was too painful for them.
She dreams of another home. Atlantis, with its tall, beautiful towers and the ocean around it. She can see it, perfectly built, in front of her eyes. Not that it could ever surprise her that she remembers the city so well; this place was everything for her in the past few years. Even though she hasn't been there in a while – ever since she left with the Replicators – within her mind she's always there. Sometimes it feels like it's all she'd ever known.
But it was never just her in Atlantis, and as she stands there, it doesn't feel like she's alone, either. She can hear the buzz of people living in the city; see the lights being turned on and off as people move through rooms and corridors, going through their daily routine. She can almost see Rodney and Radek arguing in one of the labs; Carson trying to convince a patient to stay in the infirmary for the night; Teyla and Ronon working out together. All the people she loved – her second family – they're all there, safe and sound.
And then there's John.
Sometimes, she can feel his presence in the city. In the mess hall with his team; briefing a group of soldiers in the briefing room; practicing his Bantos fighting with Teyla; preparing to go through the Stargate to another world. Occasionally, when it's a quiet day, he's even playing golf outside or reading 'War and Peace' in his quarters.
But in other times, she can't feel him anywhere. She can find everyone but him, and fear creeps into her. What if something happened to him? What if she never sees him again?
All of a sudden, he's there. She can't tell where, exactly, but she feels his presence with her, the way he always was – watching her, protecting her. She knows he's been beating himself up ever since she was gone, but when he's there with her, they're both peaceful. He found her; brought her back to her body; brought her back to Atlantis. All those nightmares are behind them now. Now there's just the two of them.
She can feel him holding her, gently but closely, until they're almost connected. Even though she wishes it could be real, she knows it can't be. It. Couldn't happen while she was in Atlantis, and she doubts it will ever happen, even if they find a way to bring her back to a human body. After all this time, she doubts they'll ever let themselves say those words to one another. But in her mind, where she lives now, everything is possible. Carson can be alive. She can be in Atlantis.
She and John can be together.
In a way, that's better than any reality she could hope for. Even if they find her, the IOA would never let her go back to Atlantis. Hell, they'd never even let her see her mother and Sedgewick again, even if they'd still be alive. They wouldn't let her see any of the people she loves. And as much as they both wanted it – she could see it in his eyes when she and the Replicators left – there would be no 'John and her'.
But in her mind, everything could happen.
And in her mind, she's not floating around in space. She's in Atlantis, in the place she loves so much with the people she loves so much. She's back home.
And as she stands there, looking down at her city, she dreams her own present, the last thing she has left.
