NOTE: This is a request fic that I've written (the prompt being pregnant Christine Souza meets River Song, and take on Madame Kovarian). It's a little different from what I usually write, but I hope I did well. Enjoy, read, and review!
My name is Lady Christina Souza. I'm a thief. I've stolen cash from an unbreakable bank, jewels from the museum owned by the Queen herself, and done other things I can't even write about it here in my journal (Can't give the National Guard too many clues about my whereabouts, you know.) I pride myself on not being fazed by much, and I've only been surprised twice in my life.
Once, when I met an alien called the Doctor. We ended up saving the world. I wanted to go with him, and he said he wasn't taking passengers. Just my luck to decide to hang out with the one guy who wouldn't have me,
The second time, was a few months ago, when after a one-night stand with some random guy, I found out I was pregnant. I still curse myself about being so stupid! I mean, the guy wasn't even that hot...okay he was that hot, but he didn't warrant all of this. Now I have to find diapers, and pacifiers, and maybe a stroller. And I'm a infamous thief, so I cant just go into any hospital ad ask for help. You can steal diapers, but you can't steal a whole room in a maternity ward.
Oh, and black cat-suits are a no-no with my big heavy belly.
So, I decided to try to steal some products from an unsuspecting bystander. I eventually picked somebody—a new arrival to my neighborhood (I call whatever the city I'm currently staying at "my neighborhood" while I'm there). She had long curls, usually wore high boots, and walked like she owned the place. She would stroll down the street lazily, and no matter what she was doing, she would stand in such a way that everyone stole a glance; and I had a feeling she knew it from a certain alertness in her eyes, a twinkle here and there. Once or twice, I almost thought she was looking at me. But that couldn't be possible—I was practically the master at being invisible
So she couldn't see me. Right?
Anyway, all I cared about was that she was pregnant. That meant she might have new-born baby products. I was gonna steal some stuff from her—not enough to make her desperate, but a pacifier here and a stroller there wouldn't hurt. When she seemed to be sleeping, I crept into her house through her window (I took a little longer than normal, since I was carrying around a baby), and quietly began to look for some baby products. To my delight, there was a lot of pacifiers, baby clothes, and other baby things. I patted my stomach, and whispered to my little one "Mommy's going to make sure we're all set."
Then, I heard someone behind me. Turning around, I was shocked to see the curly haired woman behind me. I suddenly felt a pinprick on my neck, and realized I was given a tranquilizer. Falling unconscious, my last thought was "This day is gonna suck."
I woke up lying on a stiff back. I felt awkward, but I didn't know why. Peering over my belly, I saw a wooden room. It looked somewhat boring, with almost no posters, with a few plants here and there. If I had to say, I would have guessed that whoever came here was only planning on staying a short while. Nevertheless, the streak of bright red here and there indicated that whoever lived here had some sense of flair. Feeling a itch on my wrist, I looked there, and soon realized why my back was stiff.
I had been tied spread-eagle to a bed. A bed in the house of the woman I tried to steal from.
No problem.
Come on, I'm a thief. You think I can't untie myself? I've gotten out of high-security cuffs. Simple rope should be easy.
So I struggled with the rope. And kept on struggling. I moved to the left, and moved to the right. But the rope didn't budge.
A door opened, and out came the curly haired woman who had tranquilized me. She smiled upon seeing me. "Good morning! Did you have a nice sleep?"
"Never slept better," I said dryly. "Now, get me out of this damn rope."
"Oh, I don't think so, sweetie," the woman said. "Name's River Song, by the way. Yours?"
"I just asked you to untie me, and you're asking me about my name!" I said.
"I find being polite is the best option, even when talking to thieves," she said. She was still smiling, but I could sense a certain trace of anger in her eyes.
I was about to panic; if she knew who I was, she could report me to the authorities. Then I realized that, to her, I was a common thief, not the Great Master Thief Lady Christina (Me, vain? Never!). All I had to do is keep it cool.
"I'm so sorry, miss," I said. "I didn't want to steal. I had to get products for my baby-to-be," and I gestured with my chin toward my belly (hands tied behind my head and all), "and I thought you wouldn't mind "losing" a few things. Oh, and I'm Christina."
"Nice to meet you! May I call you Chrissie?" River asked.
Chrissie? Sounded like a poodle's name. "No, I'd prefer Christina," I said as sweetly as I could. The rope was starting to chafe. "Will you please let me go?"
River sat on the edge of the bed. With a thoughtful look on her face, she placed her left hand on my belly. "No, I won't, because I've got a job for you. Have you ever heard of the Kovarian Ward, Chrissie?"
I had never heard of them, and I didn't care who they were. "Nope. Now get me out of these ropes, now, or I'll-"
"Or you'll what? Go ahead. Try to escape, Ms. Souza," said River with a smirk.
Ha, she didn't know who she was messing with. I immediately began to use the patented techniques I had used to escape several prison cells. I used every single trick in my book.
Nothing worked.
"Do you want some help?" said River.
"Shut up," I said. Then my eyes went wide.
"You know I'm Christina Souza?" I said.
"Yes. And I know that you're a master thief. Fortunately, I have ilithiosa rope. Made by a group of alien thieves guild, and made to be inescapable. So, until I choose to release you, you are trapped."
She began to pet my belly as I fumed. "As I was saying, the Kovarian Ward is a maternity ward a few miles away from here. A lot of people go there." She started making circles with her finger on my stomach.
"Oh, well good for them," I said.
"Except they never come back. And I have reason to believe that the woman in charge is...doing something very bad."
"Do you know the woman?" I asked, curious despite myself.
"No, but I'm still interested in investigating," she said. I could tell she was hiding something. "And that's when you come in. I want to to use your skills to assist me. As pregnant women, we'll slide in, and figure out what's going on. Simple!"
She had a point, but I refused to accept it. "I still don't see a reason why I should help."
River's smile faded. "Then let me give you a reason," she said. She reached outside of my vision. I struggled to see what she was doing. When she came back into view, she was holding a stethoscope.
"What's that for?" I said, laughing.
She ignored my attempts to unsettle her and placed the earpieces on herself. Lifting up my shirt, she then she placed the other end on my belly. The cold metal felt weird.
"What the hell?" I said. I fidgeted under her hand. "Who do you think you are to lift my shirt without permission? And get your tools off me—I don't want to play Doctor with you!"
She seemed to find something about what I said funny, but simply stayed silent and tapped my belly until I realized moving was only wasting my energy.
River closed her eyes, listening to the heartbeat. "You have a very healthy baby," she said.
"Why, thank you. I really value your opinion," I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster.
She then took the earpieces off and put them on my ear. Beat-beat-beat. It sounded noisier than I thought inside. The whole situation as a little surreal.
"If you don't help me, I'm going to call the police," she said raising her voice to speak over the heartbeat. " Then your baby will probably end up in a foster system, or worse. And this isn't just a joyride trip—the Ward's doing bad stuff. Maybe even to children." She began poking my belly too accentuate her words as she spoke, " So, you can either help me investigate the Ward, or you can go to jail. The choice is yours, Lady Christina de Souza."
I was still uncertain. Could I trust her? She was blackmailing me, and I didn't really fancy checking out some strange place.
But she had the upper hand. And it was just one small trip.
"Fine, I'll help you. But you have to promise to let me go, and give me baby products if I do."
"You're not exactly in a position to negotiate," she pointed out.
Before I could reply, she said "But I promise to help you if you say yes. Because I'm nice. Plus, don't you want to have an adventure?"
I wasn't in a position to negotiate. And I did like a good adventure...
"Then I'm in," I said.
