His slow breathing was calming.
She had almost forgotten how relaxing it could be to have someone sharing the quiet of the night with. How calming the feel of a warm body next to hers in the bed could be, just as warm as the gentle lovemaking just a few hours before.
The stress and dangers of the latest events had taken their toll. So many nights she had woken lonely and frightened, unable to let herself slip back to sleep. That is, when she was able to sleep at all.
Now when she was listening to his soft breathing she knew this hadn't been a mistake. He was a friend. A good friend. But also someone who knew what it means to drown and break. She nearly had broken when Sheridan was lost on Zahadum. This war was nearly breaking her again, just as he had been broken by the toll of his work, his dedication to what he was doing. He understands how strained she feels but that this wasn't enough to let her quit. She had to go on. She had to.
He had given her what she needed.
Being hold. Being comforted. Allowed to be weak, even if it was just for the brief moment in his arms before they went to sleep. Even if, when she gets up, he would be gone again.
Their sex was nothing but reassurement and consolation. They both were crying for others while clinging to each other. He would never ask for more, never pressure her. Never wanting anything she would not be able to give. And he wouldn't take more than he was giving her. She just was not ready for love. Not after all that had happened. The loss of Talia, the losses and betrayals before.
A soft smile appeared on her face when she thought back on earlier times. When they both had been more naïve, more… innocent. She had found out what he did for the people in down below and went down to confront him about it. Without looking at her he had told her to start with taking of her clothes and she had replied "Not without dinner and flowers. "
Well, this hadn't started like that. When it happened first, it had just happened.
And it had been good.
Still smiling Ivanova slowly drifted back to sleep. His slow breathing and warmth chasing away the ghosts that hunted her dreams.
No one would ever know. But once in a while she got what she needed.
Just a friend who stayed the night. Chasing away the wolves.
