Dear Sabrina,


From the sounds of it, I'm never going to see you again. After everyone takes what they want from the dead bodies and finds their families again, your parents are going to take you far away from me… and the rest of Ferryport Landing of course. But mostly me. I don't think they understand that you and I are going to get married in the future. I know I don't have to ask you because you obviously love me in every way possible, but I promise I won't hit you and take you back to my Man-Cave. I'm pretty sure that's called the Honey Moon. I wasn't really listening when your Uncle Jake tried explaining it to me.

I'm not writing to whine though. Earlier, before you stormed off, you said my life was so easy that you could live it in a heartbeat. I don't think you understand. I'm not talking about my 'family' life. You should know that's hard enough. It was the only time you have- and will- ever see me cry. The Trickster King doesn't cry. He just holds in his bladder until he has to pee so bad, it leaks from his eyes. Got that? I'm not talking about all that! The hardest part… It's far too difficult for your puny girl brain to comprehend, so I'll dumbify for you.

I know that sense you're a girl you have a vivid imagination, so I'll use that. At this point, pass the letter off to Marshmallow to read to you so you can close your eyes and let my masterpiece blow your mind. Oh- that reminds me: tell her to get some towels. You'll need it to clean your brain matter from the everything. I'm sure there'll be some on the ceiling, floor, walls, windows and than everything in-between, but I don't want to get in detail, so just go with it.

I want you to imagine that you can live forever if you can make it without someone ending it shortly for you. You never have to age unless you want to, meaning you can stay looking like a kid forever! Trust me, if you have the option, I recommend it. Enemies'll underestimate you 'til they're on the ground at your feet. Keep imagining this as you slowly build up a reputation for yourself, one that makes you known from every corner in this stupid town you've been imprisoned in as the baddest of the bad.

Your reputation is all you have, besides your awesome army of chimpanzees and your minions who'll come at the blow of a pan flute. Your hair is always in your face because you don't have the money or patience to go to a hairdresser. It decided to curl on you, so you look like a blonde orphan Annie. I don't know what that is, but from the way your grandma talked about it, I'm assuming it's a hideous creature that feasts on the blood of young children. Sounds pretty cool, eh? Don't you look awesome!

Your eyes, when narrowed like they usually are as you're planning a prank of sorts, blend in with the trees you like to hide in. After all, you live in a forest. You have a nice place set up, kind of like a fortress or something like that, and you've never been happier. The world- or at least what you have access to- is your never ending playground that you just want to yourself so no one else can play. Why share? It's yours!

But then, that perfect fantasy is interrupted as you're walking with Sullivan, the new recruit to your growing monkey army with a big grin on your lips. You hear a crack behind you in the woods and the suddenly summoned army has two girls dragged out from behind the foliage. The first one you don't even look at, just because she's short and annoying. She's probably a troll or something! How would you know? You don't know a lot about girls… so you look at the other.

You don't know anything about girls, but for some reason, you like this one. Her hair is long and blonde, lightly curling down on her shoulders. Her large blue eyes are the prettiest color you've ever seen. She's just so perfect and you don't know what to do with this racing heart and stomach full of moths. Er- butterflies. I'm informed you have butterflies in your stomach, not moths. But I think moths would make more sense. They eat away at things and this feeling was killing my stomach… Whatever. What do I know? I'm just FOUR THOUSAND YEARS OLD.

This girl though… she yells and screams and insults you and for whatever reason, it hooks her under your skin. You like it. You want her to stay with you, which is all the more reason to drop her in the pool of goop you have built up from the years. For whatever reason though, that allows you to live with her. Her grandma takes you in and you find yourself getting to see her every day. She starts to become painful, all hooked under your skin, but it's a good kind of pain if that makes any sense. She becomes burnt there and no matter how mad you get at her, you just… you can't stop with the stupid butterflies.

Before long, you start to age. You don't know why and it confuses you horribly, but you do and you're keeping pace with this girl. She makes fun of you for it, but the nicknames just keep your smile going. And as time goes on, these stupid bugs won't leave your stomach.

You find yourself trying to show off to this girl, using the best and grossest of your pranks and the best of your abilities to keep her eyes with that little sparkle that always makes your face heat up.

And then- she kisses you. It's after you fall into the river and she pulls you out. She says she was trying to save you, but she knew you were immortal of a sort. Drowning doesn't kill you. When you try going to sleep every night past that, you find yourself thinking about how her lips felt until it basically tortures you. It didn't feel good of course. You didn't like her. The Trickster King didn't like people, let alone girls. He just caught a heavy sickness that refused to go away under any circumstance, only worsening when she was around.

Suddenly, you're going out of your way to protect her. Every time she's in trouble, you can't think of anything but saving her.

And then, you get cocky. She comes up to you, dares to say she actually cares about you, so you kiss her. Of course she doesn't kiss back, but a punch to the gut's what you expected the second you felt her tense against you. You don't let the punch discourage you, though. It just makes you care a lot less, enough to the point where you throw yourself in front of a murderous monster only to have your wings torn off. (In case you didn't know, that really hurts).

When you gain consciousness, you find out that you trust her the most out of her whole family that's helped to raise you and you end up telling her a bit about your less than fortunate past as you hold her hand on the beach. The moths eat at your stomach, but it feels good for once. The pain suddenly isn't so torturous.

When your handcuffed to her on a trampoline one night from a one-sided plan to keep her from sneaking out and getting killed, you get the strength to tell her that she doesn't need make-up to be beautiful. And from there, you just keep going until you find out that in the future, you're actually going to marry her!

By this time, you love her. It's no use denying anymore. You try to deny it, but you can't face the fact that you're aging and feeling something for her that you've never felt before. You finally have a purpose in life! When she denies it, you tell her father in front of her and dance with her at a wedding. You just feel right in life with her there, but you still try denying it. It's too late though.

Sabrina, this isn't a crush. It never was. I love you.

Sounds kinda silly, right? Hearing me, the Trickster King, confess that I'm not just a selfish pig who gets a kick out of others' misfortune?

I just wanted you to know that you lack an excuse to call your life rough now. I… I'm never going to marry you. I won't be able to kiss you and get you to kiss back. I'm losing everything that… I ever really wanted…

Don't forget me, Grimm, you stupid snot-face brat. And if you let anyone else read this besides Marshmallow, you'll wake up in a vat of my monkey's crap.

Oh, and by the way… I uh… I kinda just spoke all this stuff. Had to have someone else write it out for me so it wouldn't just be scribbles…


-Puck