Pure, unedited crack. If you're here for a plot walk away. This is just to help me get through writers block for my other story. Think of it as a Tangled, FMA mash up!

"This is the story of the day I died."

"Shut up Roy."


Edpunzel sat in his room again bored out of his skull. Mother Lust always took forever to get back from her trips. Ed was dressed in a nice purple dress much to his disgust because Mother always wanted a pretty girl, and besides with all that lovely hair, Ed did look more like a girl than anything.

"Today is the day Al." The metal giant suit of armor nodded in excitement. "Today, I will ask Mother to let me see those damn lights. After all, when will my life begin?"

"It never hurts to try!" Alphonse spoke up excitedly.

"Edpunzel! Let down your hair!"

With a soft groan he complied, throwing his extraordinary golden locks down the tower through the window and then he pulled for all he was worth. Alphonse took his place along the wall as a "decoration".

Mother, with breasts the sizes of watermelons, stepped in with a smile. Ed briefly wondered if that was why she was so heavy when he pulled her up.

"Well well if it isn't flower! Edpunzel, how was your day?"

"I told you to call me Ed." He blew a strand of hair out of his face. "Can we talk?"

"No... I do feel, odd." Mother smirked softly.

"Fine." Ed shoved some of his hair into Mother's arms and began to sing off tune, "Flower in my head, Mom looks kind of dead, heal her up just fine while remaining so divine." There was a specific tune Ed was told to sing but he liked making things up on the spot just to irritate her.

Mother gasped in horror as the effects came suddenly, her youth restored nonetheless.

"Anyway, I just wanted to cut to the chase and say I want to go see the floating lights in the sky."

"No." Mother replied. "There are monsters out there Who would do anything to hurt you, and you're just a delicate flower. Just stay up here, after all, mother knows best."

Ed groaned softly. "Fine then. If I can't go, you should get me more of that special m... Mi... M... mil..." The word couldn't leave his mouth. Mother Lust rolled Her eyes.

"Milk? But Edpunzel, I just got back and I want to rest."

"Then you might want to hurry and get going." He retorted. "I have a tower to clean."

"Fine. I'll get you that milk." Mother was let back down and Ed was left again.


The heist was a success! Roy Rider bolted as fast as he could with Greed and Gluttony on his heels. The three had stolen the crown of the lost prince and were almost to victory!

"Here's a bright idea, hoist me up on that rock and I'll protect the crown." Roy offered.

"And take the money for yourself?" Greed sneered. "Try again."

"Well how about this, you hold the crown and hoist me up and I'll pull you two up."

"That sounds better." Greed lifted Gluttony who helped Roy up. "Help us up!"

"Sorry, my hands are full." Roy dangled the bag above them before taking off again. Roy was a master mind at these heists and lucky for him, Greed and Gluttony were too dumb to keep up.

He only had a few seconds before more guards were chasing him. He left the two brothers behind and ran for all he was worth. Seeing a vine, he had a great idea.

"We got him now Alex!" The horse neighed, the single curl on the top of his mane glimmering beautifully in the sunlight.

The art of chasing this criminals down had been passed down generations in Alex Armstrong's family and he wouldn't break that pattern now.

Roy swung around a tree and knocked the guard off landing perfectly on the horse who jerked to a stop and turned his head towards Roy.

"Go!" Roy kicked. "Hyah!"

The horse seemed to growl trying to get the satchel. Roy pulled it back trying to keep it away. Alex grabbed the bag with his strong teeth and jerked it away but unfortunately lost grip, the bag hung on a lone tree growing on the side of a cliff.

With fast thinking, Roy leapt off the horse trying to get it first, but Alex was hot on his trail. When Roy was able to reach the bag, the tree snapped and Roy briefly wondered if there was a god out there just laughing at him.

The two fell for what seemed like an eternity before landing in a river. Roy was out first and dashed behind a rock, Alex got out shortly after but failed to see Roy and he dashed off.

Roy breathed a sigh of relief. He went to rest on a wall behind thick vines to find there was no wall, it was a secret cave! Perfect!

He went in to find a tower and with his quick thinking, was able to climb the tower. He could hear Alex in the distance looking for him. Roy slammed the doors shut and sighed in relief.

Bang!

Something struck Roy in the arm and he turned in shock. "What the...?"

Edpunzel stood there with a glare, holding a frying pan.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didnt know dwarfs lived here, if you would give me about ten minutes I'll be out of your hair..." Roy swallowed at the sight of the golden locks.

"Hey, I got a secret to tell you, come here." Ed motioned for Roy to bend down which he did. "I AM NOT A DWARF!" And with that, Roy was knocked out by the frying pan.

Depending on popularity I may or may not continue this story.