So, I totally lived for the Mal and Inara storyline and it never truly got resolved in the show or the movie to my complete satisfaction. Translation: I need smoochies! So here you go, takes place after they takeoff at the end of 'Serenity.' please review.
Note: I own nothing in relation to Firefly or the movie Serenity.
Long after River had finally gone to her bunk, leaving the co-pilot chair empty, Mal still sat in Wash's chair, staring at the stars. Some people got a lonely, cold feeling staring out into the black, but not Mal. Mal took hope from looking out into all that space, feeling all that freedom. Especially during times like now, when he felt so mixed up inside, he could look out at the stars and worlds and feel a bit of peace.
Wash's dinosaurs still sat on the control panel. His heart hurt for Zoe with such force that his chest felt tight and his throat felt constricted. She'd looked like an Amazonian queen in a story from Earth that Was at the funeral. She was the strongest person he knew and he had no doubt that she would heal up eventually from losing Wash, but there was always going to be a part of her that went into the ground with her husband that day. After what they'd all just been through, Mal knew that none of them would ever be the same again.
The silence around him was like a soothing balm and he found his thoughts wandering from the pain of their last ordeal to how Inara had looked when he'd asked her if she was going to be returning to her fancy, Alliance planet. Her reply rang in his mind.
I don't know.
He'd told her that was a good answer and he'd meant it. She was a methodical woman, every move thought out and driven by purpose. After all they'd endured, for her to have doubt about where to go from here told him that her heart was finally trying to say its piece to her head.
Leaning back in the pilot's chair, he put his hands behind his head and thought on her face. He'd traveled the 'verse over and he'd never seen a woman that could hold a candle to Inara. Her eyes were huge and expressive, rimmed by thick dark lashes that made them look extremely feminine and mysterious all at once. Her features were small and sharp, the kind of features one would see in the most fragile of things. Then there were those lips.
Mal closed his eyes and drew her face in his mind as he'd done more than once on nights when it was quiet on his boat and he had nothing but time and himself for company. A war raged in his heart over how to feel with her on Serenity again. She was here, part of him once more. But she'd left before and just as he'd been getting up the nerve to call a spade a spade and tell her how he felt about her. If she left again now it would hurt. But if she stayed long enough for him to get comfortable and then pulled the rug out from under him again, well he didn't think that was something he could endure a second time.
"It's so beautiful."
Her voice startled him and he jumped, losing his balance slightly and almost falling out of the chair.
"Wei lian de zao wu zhu woman, what are you sneaking around like that for?"
Standing in the threshold of the bridge Inara could barely hide her amusement. It wasn't the first time she'd come in behind him and caught him unaware. Just because she didn't stomp about places, announcing her arrival long before she'd entered a room, didn't mean she meant to surprise people. It still made her laugh nonetheless when the person she surprised was Malcolm Reynolds.
She stepped forward into the bridge until she stood between the pilot and co-pilot chairs, taking in the vast expanse of space in front of her. "Nothing can compare to that view."
She said it almost to herself and Mal was struck once again with, down deep, how similar they truly were. He was the pirate captain, the war veteran who'd fought on the losing side of a battle and now lived on the fringe of a civilization that he could never accept. She was the beautiful companion who lived amongst those that had nearly ruined him, supported their efforts and agreed with unification and homogenization of everything they touched. Yet, here they were, appreciating their surroundings for the same reasons.
She took a seat in the co-pilot's chair and faced him. "It must be hard for you, going forward without Wash."
Mal dropped his hands from behind his head and sat forward, resting his forearms on his knees. "He was a good man, good pilot. He was part of my crew, which made him family. It's not me that I worry on when it comes to losing Wash though."
Inara dropped her eyes for a moment and clasped her hands in her lap, knowing what Mal meant without him having to say it. "How is she doing?"
Mal turned his chair a bit to face her more fully and shrugged slightly. "She'll hold up. She's Zoe. She'll never admit to how much hurt is under there. I stood by her as our entire platoon was wiped out at Serenity Valley. She never batted an eye, just did her duty."
Inara's eyes darted up to search his face as she listened to his words. She'd known Mal for more than two years and knew his history from the bits and scraps that she'd been told or looked into herself once she'd left the ship. He'd named his ship Serenity after the battle of Serenity Valley, but aside from hearing it used in that context, she'd never heard him speak of the battle before.
Something soft inside of her twisted as she realized that he must trust her completely to open himself to her in that way, be it as small on the surface as merely using the name of a place that still haunted his very soul.
Mal sighed and went on. "When that spear went through him…well I've never seen her like that."
He got up from the pilot's chair, suddenly unable to occupy the space where Wash had been killed. He stood between the consoles where Inara had stood moments before, his back to her, and looked out into the nothingness.
"It must have been a horrible thing to witness Mal. I'm sorry that you had to experience it." Fresh tears began to burn the back of Inara's eyes. Everyone had loved Wash and it would be a long time before it seemed tolerable that he wasn't with them anymore, in body anyway.
He paused for a long time and when he spoke again his voice was soft and quiet. "I've thought on this long and hard over these last few weeks. Seems a true fighter, a real soldier, can face anything without flinching, even death." He turned to look at her and the expression on his face made her heart rate start to pick up in her chest. He looked tired and sad, but resolved as well. His jaw was set and she could tell that he was going to say something that she may or may not want to hear.
He went on. "But even a soldier has a vulnerable spot, and that's love."
His eyes fixed hers and the tenderness that she suddenly saw there shook her to the bone. After all this time, he could still make her feel like running into his arms and that feeling scared her to death. It had been why she left in the first place, a companion can not afford romantic love. Her hand fluttered to her throat for she was sure he could see her heart pounding there as surely as she could feel it. She had to escape, she couldn't let him make her feel this.
He took a step toward her, saw her dart her eyes to the door. It was all the answer he needed to his questions about whether it would be better for her to stay or go quickly. He set his jaw, refusing to let the dull pain in his chest stop him from finishing what he'd started.
"Nara, I've figured some things out of late. We're very similar you and me. We're both people who stick very close to our own code and we don't like things coming in the way of our peace. I have something to tell you and I know that makes you want to run away, that the last time I felt truthsome with you I dropped you on some Alliance moon and you were gone." He looked down at his boots for a moment, the memory of her telling him she wanted to leave still fresh in his heart. He dwelled on it for only a moment, then forced himself to raise his eyes back to her frightened ones and continue.
"Thing is Inara, there never will be anyone for me but you. I may find my creature comforts here and there as time marches on but in my life I've been in love with exactly one woman and that woman is you."
Her eyes widened at his words and he held out a hand, brushing it against her soft, porcelain cheek. His heart felt like it was being ripped into a thousand pieces, but he knew he had to get it all out. His voice was low and husky, almost a whisper, as he went on. "That's why I understand that you have to go. You're a woman who can't be beholden, can't be held down." He dropped his hand. "And you don't love me. So stay or go, your conscience can be clear. I just needed you to know where I stood."
With that he turned and left the room. Inara sat frozen in her chair, her hands folded neatly in her lap until she heard his boots clanging against the ladder to his bunk just down the corridor and then the heavy metal scrapping of him closing the hatch. That's when the anger hit her.
