Author's note: I don't normally write pieces that are entirely thoughts, but when the muse attacks I have little choice.

***

I don't remember falling in love with you. It's not something that happens overnight. You don't just wake up and fall in love. It was something that came slowly, so slowly I can't see where it started. But I do remember when I realised. You came to me in that dark tower, when I thought all hope was lost. You found me, and held me, and I knew you would always come. I knew I wanted you by my side forever.

I don't remember when I fell in love with you. In Mordor? Or Moria? Or before? Perhaps the seeds were already planted before we even left the Shire, and you tended them on our journey. The seeds that grew and blossomed into a love I can't express. But you had your eye on a different flower.

Rosie. I know you never meant to hurt me, but you did. You drove a dagger into my heart when we sat together on Mount Doom. We were together, holding each other, preparing to die together. But it was her name on your lips. Rosie. You've hurt me with every kiss you placed on her cheek, every secret glance I've seen you exchange, every smile and every laugh. I wish I could hate her, but how can I, when she makes you so happy?

We were together throughout our journey. Even when I tried to leave you behind, you stayed with me. I wanted you to stay with me when we returned home. That was why I invited you to live with me. I thought we could be happy together. But she came too.

She was always between. I wanted you, but you had her. We could never be together as long as she was there. I tried not to let you see. You were so happy. I kept my tears silent when the sound of your love came through the bedroom walls at night. I my expression happy when you kissed her good morning. I tried to be happy for you, Sam, but I can't be. Every day it becomes clearer that what I want is getting further away. You could never love me in the way I love you.

That's why I have to go. Some day you'll see what you do to me, and it would hurt you. I don't want that. It's better if I go, so that the two of you can share your love and happiness. I'll just get in the way.

You're all that's kept me here. I carried the ring too long, and I can still feel it like a weight on my heart. I need to let it go, so that I can find peace. Maybe if you had loved me I would have found peace here, but that was impossible. I'll go and find my own peace, and leave you to find yours in her arms.

But I want you with me, Sam. When I leave, I want you there. I want you to be the last thing I see, something to hold in my heart forever. I want to go into the west, with you a shining memory. No Rosie, no commitments, no duty. When I go, I don't want to see those things that have stood between us. I don't want to remember them. I just want to remember you.