PROLOGUE

Life was good for Rachel, and she was very grateful for that. Extremely grateful. That simple yet powerful word summarized Rachel's emotions for the past few years. At 29, she had everything she had ever dreamed of and so much more, and she couldn't help but feel happy and grateful most of the time.

Her career had soared beyond her expectations. She had married her high school sweetheart and they were still very much in love, and even thinking of having a baby. Life was good. Very good.


RACHEL AND FINN were not always together, and they only had begun dating seriously on their last year of college. They had dated on and off through most of the high school years, but it was never serious, since there was always one of them who couldn't fully commit to the relationship. At first it was Finn, who was always looking for something (or someone) more exciting. And then it was Rachel, who couldn't take anyone seriously after having her heart broken on her sophomore year by Jesse St. James. Sure, Finn has broken her heart more than once, but it was only after Jesse broke up with her that she had experienced true heartbreak, the kind of pain that feels like your chest has been crushed and it was even hard to breathe sometimes. The kind of pain that never really goes away, and left her numb for a while to all the emotions that come with falling in love, and feeling loved.

After her experiences with Finn and Jesse, Rachel had vowed to never let anyone trample on her feelings again, and decided that she was the only one allowed to break it off: she would not let anyone leave her ever again. And she never did. Being with Finn after Jesse had felt ironic at first: it had taken someone else falling for her to make Finn realize that he really loved her. But Rachel needed Finn, she needed someone to make her forget about her heartbreak, and Finn was perfect for that job. Those first months after Regionals were bittersweet, even awkward sometimes, because Rachel's heart wasn't really in it, but time heals everything, even heartbreak, and Finn proved to be a good boyfriend after all.

Rachel's dads adored Finn, they even let him stay overnight on the guest room, which was later dubbed "Finn's room", since he even kept clothes there. When Rachel broke it off the next year claiming the team needed both of them to stay focused on winning Regionals, and later Nationals, Finn just hung around and they stayed friends. After winning Nationals the first time Rachel softened a bit and resumed her relationship with Finn, and they were McKinley's power couple until they graduated from high school. It was amazing how winning Nationals made the glee club kids popular overnight, and auditions had to be held every year after that since everybody wanted to be in it. They even had a booster club that paid from everything – from air travel and hotel accommodations to a donation of several Prius that were raffled among them. Finn was one of the winners, and he kept that car forever.

Rachel was accepted to all the colleges she had applied to: Julliard, UCLA, UC Irvine, Tisch, Elon. Her credentials as captain of a show choir that had won Nationals 3 years in a row, along with her amazing auditions left every college fighting to get her, each one offering more than the next. She had finally settled for Tisch, since it was the one with a theatre program that promised her acting in plays and musicals from the get go, and Rachel could not wait to be a star. And she needed a break from Finn, who had also won a scholarship to UCLA for his musical skills, playing drums to be more precise, not singing.

The break up came right after graduation, and Finn just felt it coming.

"We need to talk" she had said a week after graduation.

"Please Rachel, don't" had been his first reaction.

"Baby, you know that making it in Broadway is what I want the MOST. I need to really concentrate on this right now Finn, it's now or never. I'll never get a chance like this again and I have to make the most of it, and I'll never be able to do that with a long distance relationship, you on the west coast and me on the east. I won't be able to fully concentrate if I'm thinking of when will I see you next, never mind the communication issues, e-mailing, texting, facebooking, phone calls, it's just going to be too much and I'm afraid my budding career will suffer serious consequences. Disastrous , ruinous consequences. I need to focus on me, on Team Rachel."

"Come on Rach, don't get all drama queen on me. We can make it work if we put our heart into this". He said lying, he had to agree with her that it would be too much for her to handle, given her present state and her great ambitions.

"Finn, don't make this harder on me, this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life, and my heart won't be able to withstand any resistance from you, it would just break in tiny pieces that I'll never be able to put back together…" she said while looking at him with tears brimming from her big puppy eyes. She had proven to be a good actor too, since she was also lying. Nothing was as hard as getting over Jesse, and she still felt the shooting pain on her chest whenever he was mentioned. But looking in retrospective, Rachel was even grateful that for what Jesse had done, since it gave her the strength and confidence she was lacking, and everything seemed easy after having to withstand losing him.

Finn just smiled and held her for a long time, stroking her hair and fighting back his own tears, he knew this was for the best.

"I feel so selfish Finn, I feel awful doing this to you…" She was telling the truth now. She actually loved him and being without him would be hard.

Finn comforted her, he held her face with his hands, and kissed her tears, which were now flowing freely down her cheeks.

"I understand Rach. I kinda knew this was coming, with your ambitions and dreams and all. I guess I've been in denial for a long time. But that doesn't mean I'll stop loving you, Rach, you're my girl. You'll always be my girl, no matter what." He wasn't lying now, he knew he would never love anyone as much as he loved and admired Rachel. He was actually surprised they had lasted that long, and he knew and understood her need to shine. He loved her so much he just wanted her to be happy, to make it in Broadway, even if losing her made him miserable.

Finn even went to the airport to say goodbye to her a week later when she left with her dads to New York for an early summer program for gifted students that had been accepted that year. He gave her an envelope before kissing her for the last time.

Rachel could not fight the tears that had appeared when she opened the envelope on the airplane. It held a star shaped silver key ring that had "TEAM RACHEL" engraved on the front, and "Always shine" on the back. Even her dads cried. And everyone else sitting next to them, Shelby included, just looked at them oddly. Shelby had rekindled her relationship with her oldest daughter, baby Beth had softened her a bit and little by little they had established a relationship. Not a mother-daughter relationship, it was more like being best friends- Rachel relied heavily on Shelby's advice and Shelby in turn had helped her team win Nationals.


Rachel did make the most of college, and she did shine at Tisch. She was beloved by most of her teachers and admired by her classmates, which only gave her more fervor and commitment to follow her dreams. It turns out her dreams had ended up following her, since she nabbed Maria's part on the school's West Side Story production, as well as leading roles on most subsequent plays. Rachel was ecstatic, for the first time in her life she felt really, really happy. She was constantly smiling and her positive attitude even nauseated some of her less fortunate peers, who could not understand how a regular girl had managed to overshadow them. But they were few, and they didn't make a dent on her attitude, only made her stronger.

Her high school friends visited regularly, mostly to get a Broadway fix. They stayed at Rachel's apartment, and even though they didn't spend a lot of time with her, Rachel loved going back to her apartment and having someone to talk to 'til the wee hours. Looking back, it seemed ages since she left Lima. Most of her friend had stayed there, attending colleges nearby. Only Tina and Mike, who had been dating forever, left along with Finn to UCLA. And Kurt, who incredibly became one of her best friends and confidant when he accepted they had the same tastes in everything except fashion, was finishing Julliard and was auditioning with the Metropolitan Opera. It was Kurt who kept her fashionable, they went shopping at least once a month. Her dads also visited often, she would only go to Lima on Christmas and only stayed for a few days. The last time she went outside of Christmas was to attend Shelby's and Will Schuester's marriage a year ago, and she only stayed overnight. She felt odd and out of place in Lima, and could not wait to get back to New York. Rachel felt like she had been living there her whole life, she was in love with the city and could not imagine living anywhere else, she felt she belonged there. She felt happy and safe there.

Rachel did have some setbacks, like the time when she fell sick the night before Oklahoma started and her understudy got to open the play, but after a while she learned that setbacks were often followed by great opportunities, and she got over them fast. She was still a drama queen, but mostly on the gleeful side of drama.

She was so content with the way things were going for her that when Finn told her he had been on a production with Jesse at UCLA, she did not feel the overwhelming pain in her chest anymore, just a pang that didn't last that long.


"Jesse was brilliant Rachel, he's still a pretentious asshole, but he is good. He's so talented it made me cringe sometimes at rehearsals, his performance was impeccable, and he held the audience magnetized 'til the end, when he always received standing ovations…"

Rachel smiled and told him "I'm genuinely happy for him, I know what it's like to want fame more than anything, and I have to admit he was almost as good as me back in high school…"

Finn laughed and they just kept talking about their lives, and Jesse St. James never crept in their conversations again.

Finn and Rachel had stayed good friends, and true to his word, Finn hadn't been able to be with anybody else, the thought of touching anyone but Rachel made him cringe, and on those occasions where he woke up next to a stranger after a night out partying he always regretted it and promised himself he would never do it again. He saw Rachel every Christmas in Lima, and there they spent most of the time together as friends, since they did not dare to venture again into a romance they both knew would fizzle again when they parted, and Finn was okay to be at least friends. They also talked on the phone at least once a week or so, and texted each other almost every day. Finn was Rachel's anchor, her holding rock when school and work went berserk; she knew she could always count on him.

They never again talked about Jesse, even though Finn saw him regularly: he remembered how hard he had to work to get Rachel back after Jesse left her, and he could see her reaction to the mere mention of Jesse's name, her smile disappeared albeit for a nanosecond, long enough for Finn to know she still felt something for him. Jesse always asked about Rachel and Finn hated him for it. Jesse somehow managed to know Rachel's every move, and it infuriated Finn just to hear her name coming out from his lips. He managed to stay calm, and felt that Jesse also struggled to keep some sense of civility in their rare conversations. But the tension between them was thick, and anyone could see they did not exactly like each other.

Rachel refrained from finding out more about Jesse, she wasn't remotely interested in opening the wound that had healed with time. She ignored his friend request on Facebook, did not google his name under any circumstance and even though she knew Jesse spoke to Shelby regularly, he never came up on their conversations. Shelby still felt that she was the orchestrator of causing her daughter so much pain, and she regretted that deeply.


CHAPTER 1

Finn and Rachel became a couple again on their senior year at college, close to graduation time. Finn had gone to New York to surprise Rachel during the opening of her biggest performance yet: she had nabbed a role on a real Broadway play and somehow managed to get college credits for it, so finishing her BA was not a problem. This was like her college graduation, the culmination of all she had had strived for, of all the hard work she'd done in the past few years. On the opening night, she managed to find her dads in the audience, and right next to them was Finn, grinning at her with that beautiful lopsided smile of his, full of pride and admiration and love for her, and Rachel felt all her defenses melting right then and there: she knew Finn was the one she wanted to be with, and she would do anything for him to take her back. She loved him before, but that night she fell IN love with him, and he stirred up feelings that she thought had stripped away from her soul permanently, she was full of love for him.

She never saw Jesse also beaming with pride in the audience, with a mixed expression of awe and longing, not then nor any other night thereafter. And Shelby never told her.

"Can you believe our baby girl? When did you become such a huge star sweetie?" one of her dads said right after receiving the loudest, longest standing ovation ever, she was ecstatic. After hugging her dads and Shelby forever, she spotted Finn standing there, waiting for all the commotion to subside before reaching her, and he was astonished when Rachel ran to him and did not let go of him. Even when some of her co-stars were popping the bubbly, she took Finn to her private dressing room and locked the door behind her.

Finn could not believe his eyes, Rachel was looking at him full of love and lust, but he could not believe it was directed to him, he'd never seen that look on her eyes before.

-"Finn, thank you for coming. You have no idea of how good you've made me feel tonight, like I'm the most important person in the world."

-"But you are Rachel, you've always been, at least in my universe".

Rachel's tears wet his dress shirt as he held her for a long time. Finn was so surprised by all of this, that he was out of words and they just kissed passionately, and after a while Finn held her face and told her

"I love you Rachel. You're it, you're the one for me. You're my girl, remember?"

-"Oh Finn, how can you love me after all I've done to you? You have to know I never meant to hurt you, I just…" Finn stopped her from talking by gently putting his index finger on her lips.

He looked at her, and he really saw her for the first time, the woman she had become, the little girl she still was: he did not need to hear anything else because her eyes spoke of all the love and regret she felt at that moment.

"Marry me Rachel" he said. "Marry me and I promise I'll be with you and love you for the rest of my life."

"Finn! Oh my God, no, I can't believe this. Yes, yes!" Rachel said immediately. "Of course I'll marry you, I will not risk losing you ever again! Oh my God, we're getting married!".

The kiss that came next sealed the pact: They wanted to be together forever. The moment was interrupted by the banging on her door, her cast mates wanted to celebrate, and invaded her dressing room.

"Everyone, meet Finn Hudson, my fiancée!" she said while everyone looked aghast.

Then came the "when" and "how", and the newly engaged couple just smiled sheepishly and looked at each other. The celebration went on late, and the restaurant they've all gone too had to practically throw all of them out. All of her good friends from Lima had been there, and they were relieved when they found out they had finally gotten engaged, since everyone but Rachel knew they belonged with each other.

Rachel and Finn got to her apartment at dawn, and they were so exhausted that they just fell asleep on each other's arms.

It wasn't until noon that they made love for the first time. Sure, they've had sex before, but this was the first time they actually made love, now that both their hearts were in it. They really loved each other, and the sensation of having sex with someone you really love was unique and irreplaceable. And it felt like their first time, minus the awkwardness and pain.


-"What? Oh my God, our baby is getting married!" Her dads were ecstatic, their wish had come true, Rachel had finally settled down with Finn, the guy they loved like a son.

-"We need to start planning everything: the ceremony, the reception, oh my God, what are you going to wear? Hiram, call Shelby immediately, we definitely need her input on the dress. It will be a Jewish ceremony, right? Please don't tell me you're planning on going Catholic on us, sweetie!" Her dad Leroy was almost hyperventilating, and Hiram wasted no time in taking his cell to call Shelby.

-"Wait Dad and Daddy! Not so fast! I know we got engaged fast and that was quite unexpected, especially for me, since I had resolved to even walk though fire to get Finn back. But we want to take things slow, I need to finish this play and Finn has to make all the arrangements to move to New York, and I don't even have an engagement ring yet!" Rachel said while looking at her empty left ring finger dramatically, and then smiling when she imagined Finn's ring on it.

Finn could not stop smiling, he was happy to go into this crazy family that had made him feel welcomed so many times. They were having lunch at a sidewalk café and Finn thought the moment was just perfect.

"Yeah" he said. "All that and I need to find a job here, I need to tell my agent that I'll be moving east, to see what kind of arrangements he can make!"

"Your agent? When did you get an agent, Finn Hudson?" Hiram asked.

"Well, I didn't actually get one, let's say he got me. Last December during the Christmas show at school this guy came up to me and practically begged me to let him be my agent. It sounded weird at first, I play mean drums but I'm not that good.."

"Of course you are! You are the best young drum player on the west coast, and every respectable band must be vying for you!" interrupted Rachel.

"Oh baby, thank you but you know that's not true. Anyhoo, I said yes to the agent because Mike and Tina told me everyone's dream was to find an agent, apparently it's very hard to find one in LA. Besides, Jesse's agent works for the same company…" Finn regretted that last comment right after it left his lips.

"Jesse? St James? The Jesse St James from VA?" Hiram said while Rachel looked distracted texting and seemingly not noticing the conversation.

"Shhhhh! I didn't know you were friends with the St. Jerk!" Leroy whispered.

"Well not friends, nooooo, but we performed together on a few shows, so I talked to him every once in a while…" Finn said, relieved that Rachel was unaware of the conversation as she was now talking- well almost shouting excitedly to Shelby on her cell". And he didn't see her flinch when he said his name.

Of course Rachel heard. She just didn't want to talk about him on one of the happiest days of her life. And even though she still felt that thing on her chest, she was a much better actor now.