Title: Thoughts
Author Name: Becominglight_2
Fandom: Rizzoli and Isles
Rating: G
Category: UST, Angst
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Jane/Maura
Word Count: 465
Summary: Maura reflects on the changed landscape of her world
Spoilers: S1 E10 The Gun Goes Bang, Bang, Bang
I'm not a spontaneous person, not immediate, big, loud or bold. My world is orderly and quiet, cool, filled with smooth surfaces, metal implements that fit just so in my hand, precise incisions that yield quantifiable results. I live in a world of geometric shapes and mathematical accuracy, blood tests and weighted organs. I have my house with its high, echoing ceilings and expensive fittings, a walk in wardrobe of designer clothes, a tortoise who plods through it the way I plod through life. Slow, steady, even keeled. I'm carefully tucked up in my little corner, my heart put away, safe, swaddled, cotton wooled, filled with silence. At least it was filled with silence.
She is my antithesis - loud, brass, emotional. She shouts and laughs, cries and loves in a whirlwind, switching with the subtle shift of the tides, a change in the pressure of the air. Fluid, searing, explosive, she fascinates me. She radiates something I don't, she is my siren call and I can't help it, I'm drawn to her. She shakes my foundation, cracks the safe in my chest, pulls out my cool heart and inflames it until it beats painfully loud, strong, demanding I hear it. I am beginning to hear it.
It speaks your name, Jane.
You make me feel things. Things spoken of in songs and written in books. Things whispered on the breeze that day we sat on the bench and you put your hand on my leg. You look at me and my logic is overwhelmed by you, I believe in miracles and magic, I believe in twin souls and a universe that draws together the separate strings of all things and make them one. You break my logic because even though you growl and snap, your eyes betray you. I draw to you, long to press against you, to merge together in the burning inferno of my desire, alchemy that can change the world. You see how you transform me, Jane? Without realising you have made me mutable and pliant reaching into me, to my darkest, hidden corner and made the world live where before it was only death. You are life and you breath it into me. So you can't go, you can't leave. I'm tangled up in you and though it scares me, this change, I don't want to go back to that dark place where my emotions were buried under layers of denial, fear, loneliness. I want you.
Breath, Jane. Open your eyes. Look at me. I will hold your hand and cup your cheek and when you wake perhaps I'll have the courage to press my lips to yours so you will know that I love you. Please, Jane, don't die.
