Survivor of Summer Camp
The human skool was so often so boring for Zim that there were days he had thought he was about to go out of his Irken mind. The same thing, day after day. The monotone droning of the teachers, the inedibility of the cafeteria food, the constant teasing from the disgusting human children, there were times when Zim had to exert extreme self control to not pull out his blasters and destroy everything.
But that was the task of the Irken Armada. Invaders were supposed to just provide information as to the weaknesses of the planet populace to be exploited in their destruction. They then simply stood by and watched in satisfaction as the planet was reduced to whatever useful purpose the Tallest decided on.
Zim reminded himself of this fact day after day until it almost became a mantra. Perhaps he would request a few humans to destroy personally so he could regain some of his pride back. The kid who knocked his head into the mashed potatoes in the lunchroom, perhaps? Or the one who tripped him when he was loaded down with books. And of course, all those who targeted him with those blasted dodge balls!
Dodge ball. Hmmm, perhaps he could put the chosen humans in an arena and set up a 'dodge ball' game of his own. Not the stupid school balls, of course, but something along the lines of the goo beasts of Garguania that spat out steaming tar balls. Let them try to dodge those!
Today there seemed to be a hidden air of excitement. Even kids who were normally quiet and sat still seemed to be unable to. They squirmed and giggled with the rest of the annoying human worm babies until Ms Bitters stood up and glared at the whole room.
"If you kids don't settle down, I shall have to release 'The Beast!'" she growled. Everyone fell silent at that, as all eyes slipped down to the room to the strong wooden crate in the corner, securely locked with heavy chains. Still it shuddered and creaked as whatever was contained inside strained to get free. Zim had never seen exactly what was inside but he had long decided he really didn't have any interest to.
Even that threat didn't keep the quiet for very long, it resumed as soon as Ms. Bitters left the room for a moment or two. As Zim could see no real reason for such silly anticipation he whispered to the child behind him.
"What's going on? Why is everybody so...I don't know…more stupid and annoying than usual?"
"You're kidding, right?" the girl sneered. "C'mon! It's just three days to go!"
"Three…days? Then what?"
"You know! Three days left till school's out for the summer!"
"Oh. Oh yes! Of course! And then what?"
"It's summer vacation, you freak! No school, no books, no lessons, no homework!"
"Oh." The Irken turned back but he still wasn't any closer to an answer. The concept of vacation was foreign to Zim, as all smeets attended the Irken schools and academies every day until they found what roles they were suited for and then their Paks were programmed to whatever jobs they were assigned to do. After a bit more training they immediately went straight to those jobs. Another question came to mind and he once more twisted back. "What does one do then, on this summer…ah…vacation?"
"Nothing! You just have fun! I'm going swimming every day!"
"I'm going to my grandma's for two weeks! She has a horse ranch!" one girl bragged.
"My dad's taking me and my brother to the beach!"
"I'm going to take swimming lessons!"
"I'm going away to summer camp!"
"Ohmygawd me too! I LOVE summer camp!"
"Oh me too! I love the crafts!"
"I loved learning to paddle a canoe!"
"I learned to paint last year!"
"Did you guys put on a play like we did, about the Indians?"
All this chatter was giving Zim a headache and he almost welcomed Ms Bitter's return but it did give him something to ponder. Summer camp. Apparently most of the kids went to one so it seemed reasonable it was something he had to learn about.
When the skool bell rang and the kids raced out with their noisy yells and shoving (he almost ended up falling sideways into the trash can when one rough kid pushed him with a 'Move it, Freak!" ) he walked along slowly and pondered just what it meant to be on 'summer vacation'. No skool? Kids just ran around doing nothing? Such a waste of time and energy resources! If Irken smeets were allowed to do as they pleased who knows what would happen? Why, they would never learn just what they were suited for and their Paks would be un-programmed for who knows how long?
It just didn't make any sense to him.
It didn't help when Dib walked up to and with him for a while. "Summer vacation! I can't wait! Then I'll be able to spend ALL my time watching you, Zim! Watching every single move you make and foiling every single plot you come up with!"
Zim uttered a low 'Ergh!' of disgust. That was the LAST thing he needed! "Aren't you going to this beach, or Grandma's house or summer camp…thing?"
"Naw, Dad doesn't think stuff like that would be good for me and Gaz. 'We don't have a grandma, Dad hates the beach and he's not that keen on camp either. 'You see enough of those kids at skool nine months of the year! Why go to a camp where you'll see them again!'" Here Dib's voice went deeper as he tried to imitate his dad. "So they generally leave and we stay. So I'll be watching you, Zim! Every minute of every day! Remember that!" He gave a short gloating laugh as he veered off to the direction of his own house.
Zim twisted his mouth and set his teeth in frustration. If skool was closed then of course Dib would have plenty of time to spy on him and his activities! Perhaps he should then, go away to this summer camp, whatever it is.
When Zim entered his house he waved aside the recorded greetings of the robot 'parents' and hollered, as usual, for his robot. "Gir!"
"Hey!" came the reply from inside a rather large sodden mess of a huge cake in the middle of the living room. "I baked a cake! With me inside!"
"Why would you do that, Gir?"
"So I can give you a surprise when you came home! Like this! 'SURPRISE!"" the robot squealed as he leapt out of the cake, scattering crumbs and cake bits everywhere. "Oh wait, you know now. Now it won't be a surprise." Gir sniffled. "It's ruined!"
"No Gir, I was surprised. Really." Zim's statement cheered Gir up immediately and he grabbed a chunk of the cake. He thrust it into Zim's face.
"HAVE SOME CAKE!" he hollered in his high tinny voice. "Pig did!"
"Ah…not right now, Gir." Zim dodged the offering and went into the kitchen, removing his human disguise. "Computor!"
"Yes?
"I need all the information you have on 'summer vacation' and 'summer camp'!"
In a few moments the answers came. "Apparently human skools close for at least three months of each year. This gives the human kids' parents time to drag them to visit old relatives, to earn money by mowing lawns and to support the local amusement parks. It is also the time when skools repair the damage done in the past year and teachers plot new ways to torment the students."
"Hmm, well that does seem to serve some purpose then. What about this 'summer camp' thing?"
The computer hummed a bit then came back with a report.
"It appears that some humans fear their civilization may be destroyed and their technology lost, so a select few human children are sent to certain areas each year to learn lessons in primitive survival tactics."
"What sort of survival tactics?" Zim was curious.
The computer answered by activating a viewing screen on the wall. The large picture showed kids at a table with bits of leather and long plastic twine. "They are taught how to make protective clothing such as shoes out of prepared animal hide."
The picture was changed for one of kids making a teepee. "They learn how to make primitive shelters."
Another change, this showed kids fishing. "They are then instructed on how to get food off the land." (That picture caused Gir to squeal "I wanna catch fish!")
The picture changed again, this one of kids in a canoe and rowboat. "They also learn to navigate water ways in case the bridges are destroyed in an attack."
The last picture was a group of kids sitting around a campfire with two camp counselors. "At night they are briefed on what they had learned and given the next day's assignments."
"Hmmmm, and only a select few are sent to these…summer camps? How do they choose which ones?"
"An information pamphlet and form is given to the ones deemed worthy and they are enrolled by their parents." came the answer.
"So," Zim mused. "If a select number of humans learn how to exist out of the cities like this, that could mean pockets of resistance here and there, which could cause future problems for the armada. No! I must learn more about these camps! Computor! How can I procure one of these pamplets?"
"Uhhh..the summer camp?"
Zim looked disgusted. "You mean I have to go to this summer camp to get this pamphlet and form which would allow me to go to summer camp?" he valuated.
The computer, not having any real answer, fell silent. Zim snorted in frustration. "No! I must know more! It is essential to my mission! I must.." Here he made a fist and glowered over it. "I must infiltrate a summer camp!"
Gir spoiled the dramatic gesture. "Hooray! We're gonna go campin'! I bring the marshmallows and campfire!"
Zim paid no heed to his robot's delight and went straight down to his hidden base. There, he activated a large view screen. After a bit of fuzziness it cleared to show the Purple Tallest with his back to the screen. Zim called out hesitantly.
"My Tallest?"
Purple started. "Yeow! Oh! What? What the dreenogs are you doing, Zim? You almost scared me there!" Purple took a few deep breaths. "Almost, mind you."
"My apologies, my Tallest, I just wanted to inform you of.."
"You spilled the chips again, I see." Red observed as he entered the control room. He had a large bowl in one hand and was balancing a few cans in the other.
"It wasn't my fault! Zim snuck up on me all sneaky like!" Purple complained.
"Again, my apologies, my Tallest, I just wanted to report that…"
"No, don't just scoop them up and put them back in the bag! I hate lint and floor fuzz in my chips, you know that!"
"Quit complaining, they've vacu-scrubbed and sealed this floor just this morning!"
"Yeah but it still might have, y'know, dust and stuff on it!"
"Um…my Tallest?"
"What, Zim?" Red said shortly.
"I..um…may have uncovered a slight problem in our conquest of Earth. It seems they train a certain number of special children in survival tactics during a phrase they call 'summer vacation'. It could lead to resistance."
"Survival tactics? They can't be that smart! Um..can they?" Purple looked doubtful, which is a difficult state to show with a mouthful of chips.
"I'm not sure, my Tallest, so what I am going to do is enter one of these camps myself, to see how effective this training is."
"Ah..yeah! Yeah, you do that, Zim! Quick thinking!" Red was eager to say anything to get this Irken off the screen as soon as possible. "Give us updates…y'know…. whenever."
"I will, my Tallest, you can be sure of that!" Zim gave a quick salute as the screen went blank.
"That's what we're afraid of," Red murmured.
