A/N: I couldn't help it! This has been haunting me! I HAD A DREAM OF THIS LAST NIGHT! Just find this funny ^^;

Summery: America and Russia are obviously head over heels for each other, but refuse to acknowledge it. To finally get the lovebirds going, England decides to place a spell that will make them finally see their true feelings . . . but something went wrong.


England sighed as he watched the playful banter the two nations continued with. It was America's birthday and Russia brought him a big box again this year. What was with that by the way? He didn't get the inside joke at all. Every year it was the same thing: a giant pink box that had the characters XS printed on one side. And every year the same interaction as Alfred laughed loudly and Ivan would giggle insistently. Then they would exchange varied phrases afterwards and Ivan would leave. Sometimes the American would roll his eyes in annoyance or loudly say good bye waving like the git he was.

What was in that box anyway? Alfred wasn't that small of a lad.

Anyway, the way they beat around the bush was annoying, and not just to him. Francis agreed that the two needed to stop messing around like a bunch of high-schoolers and just get down to business . . . not that he talked to the frog anyway. And most defiantly NOT in bed . . . And why in the world was he denying this to himself! He shook his head to clear the tangent thoughts before looking back at the American. He was waving by to Ivan, who politely waved back. There was that gleam in his eyes again. Longing, that's what it was. If only the wanker wasn't so thick-headed as to be completely oblivious to his own emotions. Even Arthur wasn't that stiff necked!

Alfred came over to the table with the box and set it down. "Hey Iggy. Like the party so far?" he asked obnoxiously.

"It's loud, Alfred. And must you play such offensive music?"

"Huh? Lady Gaga is what's in right now! You gotta know that I have to play it at one point in time. And this isn't loud at all. Loud is when the car alarms start going!" he laughed just as loud. What a love-sick fool, looking for pleasure where it has already left the building.

"So why doesn't Russia stay for the festivities?" the Englishman asked as he sipped his tea. He helped himself to Alfred's kitchen. His former colony only seemed to use it for coffee. What a wretched thing it was too.

America blinked before looking away and shrugging, "I dunno. Maybe he doesn't want to overstay his welcome."

"Have you ever asked him to stay for a party?"

Again that childish blinking. America was in it bad. "Huh . . . no. But then nobody else would come I'd figure. He is kinda stand-offish. Maybe he wouldn't enjoy being the wall flower. Like I said, I dunno. Why are we talking about the Abominable Snowman anyway?"

"Just curious. He leaves every year and doesn't stay longer than twelve minutes every time."

"Twelve minutes huh?"

England could hear those rusty gears moving in the American's skull, "But like I said, just curious."


France sat beside him on the couch as America clung to his brother – what was his name? – Canada on the floor directly in front of the screen. He had insisted they watched a scary movie together, even though the git was terrified of the pathetic things. This particular movie was called Case 39. Arthur didn't even bother understanding the plot. Monsters followed some girl where ever she went. Ooh, creepy. Japan watched the screen, trying to keep from staring at the American's antics. Still, Italy was pulling a fast one and clutching onto Germany who sat on the loveseat to the right. It was quite amusing.

He felt a shiver go up his spine as something slid against his leg. He closed his eyes and counted to ten slowly. If that frog thought that he could – The feeling went higher. He smacked away Francis' leg and pouted. No, he would not give Francis the attention he wanted today. He felt breath against his neck and reaching to his ear, "Mon cher, I want to have a word with you in the kitchen."

England's eyebrow twitched, what had the pervert been reading that needed a kitchen! Said pervert giggled at the reaction, "Non, non mon cher, I wanted to talk to you about our little Alfred."

Oh, fine. But there had better not be anything kinky in-between. The two stood up and dismissed themselves before heading into the kitchen. Arthur folded his arms and looked at the Frenchman, "So what is it you wanted to discuss with me that was about that sorry git crying over a film strip?"

"Did you notice when Russia left?" he asked teasingly, pouring himself a glass of Champaign.

"What was different from all the other years?"

"He gazed after him with a small smile. Not that big gaudy one he wears all the time," the frog explained, sipping his drink.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "You're one to talk about gaudy Francis. But I get what you mean. I noticed that his eyes went back to the door after he closed it." He looked at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at France. The older nation had a gleam in his eye. A gleam he knew. "No, whatever scheme is forming in that cumquat of a brain you have, I do not want to hear it."

"Oh but dear Angleterre, you are the most important factor in my little plan."

"Oh really?"


September

In the meeting room there was another verbal altercation when Russia pointed out that America's plan to stop tsunamis from hitting Japan due to the many earthquakes that had happened around the world at the beginning of the year was a very impractical one; specifically the part of giant hero made completely out of water absorbing the flow of the rushing waves. Alfred had fought back and then it came down to insults and picking at past wounds. Yeah, those two had it really bad. England knew it was all banter when Russia's aura never stifled the air. He was completely calm, as was Alfred since the superpower never began whining but fought back toe to toe.

Once the meeting was over, the two passed by each other without a word, but Russia followed America with his eyes, and Alfred glanced back after taking a few steps away, obviously love-sick. It seemed Francis' plan would be needed to make the two mules see the light. Arthur made his way into his room in the UN building and locked the door. Absolutely NO distractions can take placed during his magic rituals, lest something really bad could result. First he'd need to find that book, by then those two would be asleep and he could place the spell on them without their sudden knowing. Ah, but what spell to use exactly.

By the time England decided, it was almost midnight; Perfect time to start. He pulled his hood over his blonde hair and drew a pentagram on the floor in chalk. And no, the chalk did not say Playground Rulz on it. Once it was all set up, he began the ritual.


Francis was bored, and he had just finished his new book and felt a little hot and disturbed, but it was nothing a little English ass couldn't fix. He decided to see his little England so he could work his magic on him, if you catch the double meaning. By this time, he believed that whatever spell England picked, it would be finished. He made his way to the Englishman's room to find the door locked. Well that was rude. Good thing he knew how to pick a simple lock like this. Who didn't, right?


England heard the lock click behind him in the middle of his sentence. Surprised, he turned around to find a horny Frenchman in his doorway. Flustered, Arthur gave him a sharp glare; completely forgetting about his love spell he was right in the middle of making. "Go-," oops. The physical embodiment of the spell shot through the wall and off to god knows where. God damn it!

"You git! Look what you did! I have no idea where that little ball of magic went! I don't even know what it does! The spell wasn't finished you, you . . .!"

"Ah, but mon cher, I have a horrible issue that only you can take care of," Francis whined, "What do you expect me to do?"

Arthur began closing the door on his boyfriend, "Wank!" With that, he slammed the door shut.


The next morning Ivan woke up, but something didn't seem right. Oh well. He slipped out of bed and stretched, bending backwards so as to pop his spine. After a satisfying crack, he sighed and made his way to the bathroom. He had gone to sleep in his boxers and a tee shirt, but he suddenly felt the change. His clothes were too big. Odd, he wasn't one to lose weight. He was toned anyway, how could he suddenly become so small? He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, splashed water on his face from the built in bathroom and looked in the mirror. Violet eyes widened in shock and an earsplitting scream echoed through the halls of the UN.


Alfred woke up slowly. He dreamed about Ivan again. Why was he always in his dreams making those beautiful noises? They always left him with a prominent issue he'd either have to deal with, or ignore. Today he'd deal with it. Tony would usually cuss him out saying, "Stop dreaming of the fucking commie you fucking idiot." The alien was probably right. Ivan made a point to pick out all his 'stupid' ideas and call him dumb in-between. Still, those beautiful noises that could possibly come out of those pale lips . . .


He had just washed his hands and pulled on a pair of pants when a high-pitched, yet familiar scream pierced the air. It was really loud to him, so it was on his floor. The only ones on his floor were Germany, Japan, Italy, France, Russia, and himself. He looked out the door into the hall where everyone was . . . besides Ivan. Perplexed, Alfred stepped out and made his way over to the door. Germany had also guessed it had come from the Russian's room, but stood looking thoroughly confused.

He turned to the American, "He refuses to come out, and he sounds like he's crying. Also there's a strange pitch to his voice."

Ivan crying? The apocalypse had begun, "Alright, I'll take care of him. You guys go back to your rooms and get dressed, especially you France." The guy was naked! Once they all left, he knocked on the door, "Ivan, it's me."

"Go away," a little voice floated through the wood door. He could hear the stifled sobs.

"Come on Russia, I'm the hero, remember?" he tried the doorknob; it was locked, "Let me in so I can help."

"Nyet! Go away!"

"I'll knock down the door."

"NYET! Go on with the meeting without me."

Alfred thought that one through for a moment before deciding his idea was better. So, he took a few steps back and bounced on his toes for a moment before rushing the door. It burst open with hardly a problem. He caught himself and looked around until he saw the person huddled in the courner.

". . . . I-Ivan?"

"WHAT PART OF 'NO' DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!" the girl in the courner screamed, tears streaming down from her violet eyes.


A/N: So much fun! Review. I may change the rating to M . . . but I don't know.