I had a dream about you again.
I can't count how many times I've seen you there.
In a place that doesn't exist- Not anymore.
Now it's purely nothing but a faint memory in my head.
Nothing but memories. Of the walls you were caged in. Of the monsters we were fighting.
They are no more. But I still remember them.
But most of all I remember you.
You, who had more determination than anyone else I had ever known. You, who had the most dazzling eyes that shone, and seemed to hold so, so much hope, red hot anger, and regret.
They were deeper than I could ever imagine.
I saw so many things reflected in those eyes of yours- I was not one of them.
I remember how soft your hair was, how dazed you were in the mornings, how you would pout when frustrated; You would have never stepped near me again if I told you how cute you looked with a pout.
Or maybe that was only in my eyes.
You were far from perfect. But somehow that was the only word I could use to describe you.
Perfect. Perfect to me.
Even if your soul was a monster.
As the years dragged on, I remember how dull you became. You let your appearance go- I found hidden stashes of alcohol in your room, and I saw less of you.
It crushed me. I wanted to hold you, to try and bring back that spark in your wonderful eyes once again-
But I never could. I knew I couldn't. Because after all, your eyes never saw me.
I simply,
Could not be reflected in the heart of a man so beautiful, yet broken.
You were depressed and wanted nothing more than this war to end. You didn't care for the world outside the walls anymore. You simply wanted to fulfil your duty- And then die like you had never even existed in the first place.
I didn't want that. I didn't want you to disappear. I wanted, after the wretched battle was over, to spend the rest of my life with you, even from afar.
But then I had to realize- You weren't even going to live that much longer. And I hated it. I hated how unfair, how cruel fate fucking was.
I hated it all, and the one light I had- was being snuffed out right in front of me. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
I remember screaming my voice hoarse with tear-stained cheeks that night for the first time in years.
So, so many years.
But I found a new hope. It was something you shared with your two friends one night, that I had overheard.
"Reincarnation"
Where when people die, they are reincarnated and can live again, or something… The details escape me.
"When we die, we'll meet again- In a new world, with no titans, no war, just… Us."
And that was it. That was my hope. The new light I had to keep fighting.
I didn't even stop to consider it was just a hollow lie- I believed in it completely. I didn't care anymore.
For once, I didn't care that I might be wrong, that I'm being delusional.
We would meet again; That's what I was fighting for.
And here I am. In the cold, cheap bed in an equally cheap apartment. It was dark; Though I could hear the birds chirping from outside my window, so I guessed it had to have been early.
I didn't bother to check.
I was born again. Into a new world, completely unlike the one I met you in.
At first, these memories of our past life, were simply dreams- But the years went by, and more, I remembered more, I realized,
They were not just dreams.
But of all the things I remember, there was only one thing I did that stayed fresh in my mind, that kept me up at night.
"We'll meet again"
I was here. I was alive again, with no war. With no titans. I wanted to meet you. I wanted to see you again.
But you were nowhere to be seen. Actually, nobody was.
I had met nobody from my previous life. At times, I would question whether I was just going mad and they really were just dreams, but-
I would see them. I would see my comrades. Walking around, not seeing me. As if they didn't recognize me.
As if I were now a complete stranger.
But I never could find you.
Nor anyone else.
I was alone. With these memories.
…It's not fair. I want to see you. I want to see you. I want to see you…
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
I miss you, Eren.
Please come back to me. At the very least;
I just want you to know I loved you. No,
That I love you.
…So why is it, when later that day, a head of messy, brown hair came into view…
With eyes…
That reflected mine?
With my name on your lips?
Did you remember me, Eren?
