Why must I have these memories on the top of my own? Memories that make me push and hurt the ones I love from me. So many places I have seen threw his eyes. The falling star of Vactar, to the setting sun of his home planet. A beautiful planet, one with orange skies. Galifrey was like nothing I've ever seen compared to her.

She seemed simple and meaningless in ways. Her heart full of kindness and hope. The only thing inside of myself was sorrow and pain. His memories haunting me. The great lord of time, the last lord of time. A man of time, the lost man of time.

I am him, made from him. Made in battle, war, and bloodshed. I should not exist and yet I do. I made myself believe I was him, by forcing myself to become him.

It was going so well until I finally took notice of her. Who was she, she was no one to me. A companion to the man of time. I knew who I was then, she took it away from me.


She stared at him a little blankly. "..Im cold"

John looked to Karmen a bit shocked and quickly took off his trench similar to The Doctor's and placed it around her as he rubbed her shoulders a bit "I'm sorry...I should have got out there sooner" He said trying to sooth the girl.

She turned and pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around him as well. "You look like The Doctor..but you can't be, your mind isn't exactly like his..You're different somehow.."

John blushed then gulped "Well, I'm human, I have a bit of Donna's brain in me...and The Doctor's" He said looking down to her "I'm a different person but I'm still The Doctor"

"No you're not, you're a completely different person." She gave him a light, friendly squeeze. "Mmm, but you smell like him...It's smells nice."


Eyes once filled with fire and ice, sorrow and pain. It seemed to go on forever until she said such things. Always was I baffled why she didn't want me to be him. When they needed him I was the one there. As the others begun to see me for what I should be. She would want me to break free.


"I'm not saying that you can help how you feel. I know that you have his memories, but maybe you should try to break from those. Be your own person John, be your own person. Don't be trapped by his past, break free, I know you can do it."

John looked to Karmen he wanted to break free but how "I can't..." He whispered as his grasp went tighter "I don't know how...and I don't want to"

She looked up at him in surprise. "Don't want to? You don't want to break away?" She pulled away a tiny bit. "What, so you want to stay trapped in his sorrow forever?" Her tone was a little angry, but it softened. "John, you can break away, I know you can, you just have to try. And I'll be here to help you, I promise." She hugged him. "I'll help you"

------------------

John closed his eyes and walked back over to Kamen grabbing her in his arms "I don't want to get close to you...to anyone Kamen...you all want him...I want to be him...but one minute I am and the next I'm not" He held her still trying to warm her.


Her name always calmed me in ways. My eyes lightening just a bit only to see the sadness whelm in them. Kamen's words always eased my pain but her actions gave me more fear. Before I met her, before I saved her, held her in my arms. She fell in love. The mortal beauty fell in love with a wolf.

Was it in my memory the tale of lost story or was a reality now hitting me. Caught up in human emotions, something even The Doctor got lost in.

The emotion of love is something hard to find but when found is something hard to forget. I will not forget but the was not my actions of humanity It was my actions of sorrow.