Albus Severus and Ron's Birthday Surprise

It was the day before Ron Weasley's birthday and Harry and Ginny Potter didn't know what to get him. Albus Severus had honey all over his body.

"Mummy! James squirted honey on me and my favorite Daddy shirt!" whined Albus Severus.

"Stupid child!" said Ginny clapping her hands making a sound that hurt Albus Severus's ears. Albus Severus cried. "Don't you just wish we could get rid of him?" Ginny sighed.

"Yeah, put him in a box and give him to Ron for his birthday." said Harry. "Without a gift receipt." He added. Ginny laughed. Harry thought for a moment. "No it's not a joke. It's possible."

"Get out of town!" said Ginny. "That would never work."

"Yes it would." Said Harry. "We'd just put Albus Severus in a box and when Ron opens it we leave!"

"Ron will murder him!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Hermione has a heart. She'll go as far as to let Ron have Albus Severus hospitalized." Said Harry, before adding hopefully, "Maybe Ron will punch out his voice box."

"Are you sure about this?" said Ginny nervously.

"It would just be for a laugh." Harry said innocently.

Just then Albus Severus was rolling in honey saying, 'Look at me, Daddy!' Ginny took one look at him in disgust and said seriously to Harry, "Get the box."

The day was March 1st and the Potter family was going to the Weasleys' for Ron's birthday. Harry was carrying Albus Severus in a big box. "I can't wait till he leaves!" said Lily.

"I know!" said James. "It will be the happiest day of my life."

Harry knocked on the door, and Ron opened it. He screamed in delight at the sight of him, and screamed even louder at the sight of his giant present.

"Look at this thing, Hermione, its huge!" Ron said, grabbing hold of it.

"Yes, it is fairly large." Hermione noted.

"A lot better than your present." Ron complained, before saying to Harry, "Hermione got me a sweater. That she made herself! Don't you think I get enough of those from my mum?"

"I told you, I have another present! You have to wait till after dinner to open it! The sweater was just something I made when I had extra time." She argued.

"Yeah, well either way, it's not as big as Harry and Ginny's, so obviously not as good." Ron said.

"Good things come in small packages!" Hermione said.

"Shut, shut, shut it!" Ron snarled. Hermione scolded him.

The night was going great and everyone was having fun. "Where's Albus Severus?" Said Hermione. "Everything has been so calm."
"Oh, he's at home."Ginny lied.

"That's the best present of all!" Said Ron happily.

"Hey!" said James. "Let's play guess what's in Ron's big present!"

"How do you play that?" said Hugo.

"You just shake, roll, throw, and drop it, etc." said James.

"Basically anything that will hurt the present." said Rose.

"Sounds fun." said Lily.

The four cousins threw around Albus Severus. Every time the box was thrown at James or Lily they would 'accidentally' drop it. Meanwhile, in the box, Albus Severus was told to be quiet and only play with his magnets, although it was quite hard when you were being thrown around and turned upside-down. The game continued for nearly half an hour until Ron wanted to play. Hermione slapped him saying, "You are such a child, Ronald!"

"I love you too!" Ron said to Hermione, stroking his slapped cheek. She told everyone to stop playing, but it didn't bother them because they lost interest as soon as Ron wanted to play. Playing with your uncle or father was just a little weird.

After Ron's cake and ice cream, it was time to open presents. Ron opened Rose and Hugo's gift first.

"We made it ourselves!" Hugo said happily. It was another sweater.

"Oh, how, er,nice." Ron said. "Now I have about seventeen."

"He loves it, don't you, Ronald?" Hermione said sternly.

"Oh yeah, I don't have any other sweaters with, er, three arms." He said.

"Put it on, daddy." Rose cooed.

"Oh, well it doesn't match with my pants." Ron stuttered.

"Don't be gay, daddy, put the sweater on!" Rose yelled.

Everyone laughed as Ron put on the sweater and wore a sheepish grin.

"Mum taught us how to knit!" Hugo boasted.

"I can see that." Said Ron.

It was time to open Hermione's present. "This'll be good." said Ron sarcastically.

"You say that one more time and you won't get a present!" said Hermione.

"My lips are sealed!" said Ron as Hermione handed the gift. Ron looked at it and said "Another envelope! What is it a coupon for a 5 Knut haircut?"

"Watch it!" Hermione warned him. Ron tore open the envelope. They were tickets for a cruise to Hawaii. "Wow, Hermione you weren't lying, these are awesome! Harry and Ginny's present can't possibly be better then this."

"He's on to us!" Ginny whispered to Harry.

"We leave tomorrow, just you and me." Hermione said as she hugged him in thanks.

"Even better." said Ron happily, setting the tickets down before kissing her. James handed Ron the Albus Severus box. "Get your jackets." Harry whispered to his family.

"Why leave so soon?" said Ron, confused. "Can't you just see me open your present?"

"It's er…" said Harry.

"Chilly!" finished Ginny.

"Really? I don't feel anything." said Ron. "Maybe it's because I have this sweater on. Ah well…" He shrugged, before tearing open the wrapping paper. With a look of delight, he opened the big box. His smile disappeared to a look of pure horror as Albus Severus popped out. That was the last thing the Potters saw as they sprinted out the door.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Weasleys screamed. "WHAT IS IT?!"

"I go look it up in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them!" said Hermione hysterically.

"There's no time!" Ron yelled, hoisting Hermione in a fireman's lift and running up the stairs.

"RON!" cried Hermione.

"WHAT?!" called Ron.

"THE CHILDREN!" shouted Hermione.

"Oh. right." said Ron dropping Hermione suddenly. As Hermione screamed in pain, Ron ran down the stairs and grabbed Rose and Hugo.

"Let's go to Rose's room! It's the biggest and it has a T.V.!" said Ron.

Just then the 'creature' followed them. Hugo noticed that there were some magnets and a picture of Harry on the ground.

"OH MY GOSH IT'S ALBUS SEVERUS!" shrieked Hugo.

"IT'S EVEN SCARIER THEN A BASILISK!" exclaimed Rose. They ran upstairs, but not before Albus Severus followed them.

"NEED LOVE!" He screeched, crawling up the stairs, the box still on his back like a turtle's shell. "NEW FAMILY! HUGS! KISSES! LOVE! LOVE!"

The Weasley ran as fast as they could, but Hermione lagged behind. She was limping as she seemed to have sprained her ankle when Ron dropped her. Albus Severus smelled weakness in her. He snatched her leg. "NEW MUMMY!!! HUGGIE!!!!" roared Albus Severus.

Hermione cried, "RON! RON! RON! HELP!"

Ron started to run towards Hermione.

"Duh, duh, DUUUUUHHHH! When Albus Severus attacks!" Hugo said for Rose's entertainment as they both laughed.

"NO LAUGHING!" Ron commanded. "This is serious!"

"NEW DADDY!" said Albus Severus hugging Ron's legs, as Ron tried to scoop up Hermione. "DISGUSTING! GET AWAY FROM ME!" said Ron.

"Wait a minute! Who am I kidding! My heart belongs to Harry!" Albus Severus laughed. Everyone exchanged nervous glances. "It's funny! LAUGH!" said Albus Severus.

"Ha ha ha. Funny." Everyone laughed nervously.

"Ew…Gross! Hugo, that's like you liking Daddy!"Rose giggled.

"There is something seriously wrong with this kid then." Hugo said flatly.

"Hey, Albus Severus! It's your dad!" Ron said, pointing.

"Ohh! Where?" Albus Severus said, turning around with a hungry look in his eyes. Ron punched him.

"Suck on that!" Ron yelled happily, and picked Hermione up and carried her up the stairs.

"Hurray!"Cried the Weasleys.

All of a sudden, Albus Severus started to stir. "Lies! Albus Severus hates liars! Me attack!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Weasleys screamed.

"DO SOMETHING, RON!" Hermione shrieked.

"RUUUUUUNNNNNNN!" He shouted.

The Weasleys ran into Rose's room, and Ron slammed the door right before Albus Severus reached it. The Weasleys panted and sat in silence. "What do you think would have happened if he got to us?" said Rose.

"I don't want to talk about it." said Ron.

Meanwhile, the Potters were doubled up with laughter as they reached the house.

"And did you see Uncle Ron's face, Dad?" James said eagerly.

"Didn't it look something like this?" Harry said, doing a strange but accurate and hilarious imitation.

"What about Albus Severus's!" Lily said excitedly.

"Oh, I wonder what their doing now…" Ginny said.

"Ron's probably crying because Albus Severus ate his cake." Harry said.

"Aunt Hermione's probably wiping him with decontamination spray." said James.

Harry went to take off his coat, and he noticed something inside.

"Oh no! We took Ron and Hermione's cruise tickets!" Harry said.

"Maybe we could use them." Ginny suggested.

Meanwhile, Albus Severus took a liking to looking at pictures of his Dad in Aunt Hermione's scrapbook. He would draw hearts around the pictures of his Dad. "This is one of the most fun things I've done in my life." said Albus Severus. Albus Severus noticed that in all the pictures the Weasleys looked incredibly happy. That bugged him. They were hugging and kissing and laughing and having fun. Every picture at his house that he was included in was sad. The people were fighting and sometimes crying. He wanted his family to be happier then the Weasleys. He must ruin them. "Tehe wait till everyone sees the pictures I hearted of Daddy." he smirked. "Then I will sabotage the family because I am hearting the pictures of Daddy. Uncle Ron will think Aunt Hermione always liked Harry. Then they will get in a huge fight and Uncle Ron will have to sleep on the couch. It will be hilarious. I will tell all my friends about it; Daddy, the birds, and the squirrels at the park. I will blog about it on my website. .com/gov/net. Maybe somebody will actually read it. But before that happens, I will make the Weasleys love me. Then, I will slowly take over their family and make them SUFFER! MUWHAHAHA!!!!!"

Meanwhile, the Weasleys were stranded in Rose's room. They were restless and hungry. Although Rose's room was big and spacious, they sat huddled against the door.

"Why is Albus Severus such a freak?" Hugo asked.

"Maybe, he's this way because everyone hates him and he doesn't have love." Rose suggested.

"That's my little Rosie. Always thinking." Ron boasted.

"You haven't heard 'The Story'?" said Ron. "Hermione! You were supposed to tell them!"

"I didn't want our kids to be exposed to such nonsense!" said Hermione.

"Fine! I'll tell them!" said Ron. "Eleven years ago, when Albus Severus was born, things weren't going the way everyone expected. They thought Albus Severus would be born normal but, the truth is that he was born magenta."Rose and Hugo screamed in horror. "Anyway," said Ron "Everyone had the same look of horror on their faces. George didn't want to be Godfather, that's why he's Lily's. And then one day, when James was holding Albus Severus, he dropped him. Also, I think that he just was born weird. My only regret is that I didn't drop him myself. Well, there you have it! Now you know why Albus Severus is so weird."

Hours later, Hermione whispered to Ron, "What's he doing?"

Ron opened the door a crack. Albus Severus was happily making clay dolls of himself and the Weasley family. He then noticed Ron looking at him. Instead of attacking him, he took Ron's doll, and put one of his magnets under it. He then put a magnet on top of it. The magnets snapped together, and the Ron doll was destroyed. Albus Severus laughed evilly. Ron closed the door.

"He's making voodoo dolls of us." Ron said in a high-pitched voice. "He wants to kill me."

"Oh, think rationally, Ron. He's eleven."

"You didn't see those magnets smash together and my doll become a pummeled pudding!" Ron protested.

The Weasleys stayed in silence for a few minutes. "You know, guys," Ron started, "If we don't make it out of here, I have some things I'd like to share."

"Don't talk like that, Ron!" Hermione shouted.

"Well, in case we die-"

"Ron!"

"I'd like to get some things out." He said, and took a deep breath. "Hermione, you know that time your parents came over and you made that delicious bunt cake and you got really mad because Hugo ate half of it before your parents came over?"

"Yes?" Hermione said.

"I actually ate it. And Confunded Hugo into thinking he ate it!" Hermione gasped.

"I got grounded for a week because of that!" Hugo complained.

"And remember two years ago when I was late for our anniversary dinner, and I told you I got off of work late?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Yes?" She said.

"I was actually at a Quidditch game with George." He confessed.

"Ron!" Hermione shouted.

"Hey, don't get mad, we could die." He laughed. "Oh, and remember when we were dating and I made you a birthday cake?"

"Oh, yes." Hermione said thoughtfully.

"It wasn't cake." He said flatly.

"Was that the one I ate and then got food poisoning the next day?" Hermione asked.

"Yep. Oh, and then, when I proposed-"

"I don't even want to know, Ronald." Hermione said, shaking her head.

"Okay now it's your turn." said Ron

"What?! Nobody asked you to confess your darkest secrets." said Hermione.

"Yeah well I did, so you have to. You could die not telling me something." said Ron.

"Ron, don't talk like that the children are crying!" said Hermione.

"They are crying because you won't tell us anything!" said Ron.

"Oh all right! One time in third year I copied off your test!" Hermione said quickly.

"What!? Hermione Granger, copy Ron Weasley's test!"

"Yes, I know, and I paid the price. I only got an E on it."

"So is cheating good, Mum?" Hugo asked innocently.

Ron and Rose laughed. "Good one, Hugo!" Ron said.

"No, no it isn't! I had too many classes and I forgot to study! I felt bad about it afterwards." Hermione explained.

"Is there anything else you'd like to tell us, Hermione? Do you have a second husband that you're cheating with?" Ron yelled, laughing.

"No!" Hermione shouted.

The Weasleys had been locked in Rose's room long enough.

"I'm HUNGRY!" Ron cried.

"Of course you are." Hermione said.

"I'm STARVING!" He complained. "Hugo, go get me something out of Rosie's mini fridge."

"I don't have a mini fridge anymore, Daddy." Rose whined.

"WHAT!?" Ron roared.

"Mum took it away. So it's her fault we're starving!"

"Awww, Mum!" Hugo complained.

"Yeah, Mum." Ron said, but as soon as he caught Hermione's glare he stopped.

"For your information, I put the mini fridge in our room. It's your nightstand."

"Oh. Wicked." said Ron. "But I'm still starving."

"Then get some food!" Hermione yelled.

"No! Albus Severus is down there! Hermione, can't we Apparate out of here?"

"No! Because we forgot our wands downstairs! You're an Auror, aren't you taught to have your wand on you at all times?" Hermione complained.

"And you're the smart one! Where's your wand, eh?" Ron replied.

"Okay, fair enough. But if you want food go get it yourself!" preached Hermione.

Even more hours after that, the Weasley were still pathetically hiding in Rose's room from their nephew/cousin. Rose was lying against Ron, and Hugo against Hermione.

"Daddy," Rose said, opening her eyes as she woke up.

"Yes, Rosie?" Ron said.

"Haven't we been in here long enough!? It's just Albus Severus! Haven't you and mum defeated Voldemort? You can stop him!" Rose protested.

"Oh, this is getting ridiculous! He's eleven years old! Ron, it's time you show him whose boss! Go out there and get rid of him!" Hermione yelled.

"No! He's scary!" Ron said truthfully.

"Ron, who's in charge of this house?" Hermione asked him.

"You." He said simply.

"Ha ha. Very funny. It's you, Ron. Who's the man of the house?"

"You."

Hermione slapped him. "Good one, Dad!" Hugo laughed.

"I don't find that very funny, Ronald. Now who's the man of the house?"

"Hugo?" He guessed.

"It's you, Ron!" Hermione preached.

"Who fights crime all the time while I sit behind a desk!?" Hermione yelled.

"Oh. That one's me, I guess." He said sheepishly.

"Yes, of course it's you! Now go get Albus Severus!"

"Yeah!" Ron yelled, and the children cheered.

Ron opened the door. Albus Severus was doing some kind of war dance. Ron slammed it. "I can't do it!" He screamed. "Hermione, you go!"

"No, I have to watch the children!"

"I'll watch them, they like me better anyway. I give them ice cream for dinner. You give them organic celery. Is it even possible for celery to get any healthier?" Ron said.

Hermione ignored this comment. "Ron, I have complete faith in you." She whispered, kissing him.

"That's all I needed to hear!" Ron said happily. "But, let's shake on it."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

"You know, make me promise I'll defeat him."

"Alright, but I don't see the purpose." Hermione shrugged.

Ron and Hermione held hands, and started to shake while Ron said, "I promise to defeat Albus Severus…. AND YOU HAVE TO BE MY SLAVE FOR A WHOLE DAY! HA HA HA!"

Ron, Rose, and Hugo laughed and cheered. "What do you mean?"

Ron clapped and jumped up and down. "You can clean our room, do my laundry, feed me, and tape Wizards of Waverly Place for me!"

Hermione looked at him in confusion. "But I already do that for you."

"Oh. Then I get to buy the groceries for a week!"

"No! All you'll get is junk food and ten boxes of Double Stuff Oreos!" Hermione protested.

" Me likey me Double Stuff!" He said with a mischievous grin. "But fine! We won't even have food because Albus Severus will eat it all, and maybe even eat us if I don't stop him soon!" Ron yelled.

"Oh, all right." Hermione sighed.

"Ice cream for breakfast, kids!" Ron yelled.

"Yay!" Rose and Hugo cheered.

"Ron, aren't you forgetting something?" Hermione reminded him.

"Albus Severus!"

"Oh, right!" Ron said, and with one last look at his family, he closed the door to face Albus Severus.

Albus Severus was running around with his pants on his head and his tightie whities showing. He was screaming "Hermyown, Hermyown!" Ron grabbed his spare broom.

"Hey Albus Severus, get out of my house!" screamed Ron.
"Never!" said Albus Severus and he threw his pants on top of Ron. Ron rolled around on the ground, screaming in terror.

"What's happening to Daddy, Mum?" Rose cried.

"I don't know!" Hermione yelled.

Ron eventually pulled off the pants.

"Hiya, Harry!" Ron greeted, waving.

Albus Severus turned around. Ron whacked him with the broom. "Oh Albus Severus, you're obsession with your dad is just sick." He laughed as he carried the unconscious Albus Severus back into the box.