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'I would be okay if you died.'

'I would attempt to help you, but help requires two hands to clap. If you refuse my help, I cannot do anything.'

'If it happens, it happens.'

Those words struck through my heart like a cord gone loose, its frayed end to my chest, sending millions of pulses of electrons straight through my body. A targeted attack. An electric shock. Would a burn mark be left? Would it be worth it?

Yet I felt free. More free than I ever did before. It was as though my mind had suddenly been wiped clean of everything, and I could see everything crystal clear. It was like watching a scene play out through a reflection on a lake in winter, the water having frozen over, its surface smooth and glassy, clear ice. It was like watching myself from afar, as if I had reached a point of awakening, realisation.

I was no longer tied to these mortal bonds. I was free to move wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. This life was not controlled by my family, boyfriend, friends, or anyone else. It was mine, and I was in control. I could choose to die whenever I wanted to. I could choose to live whenever I wanted to. My decisions in life were mine, and I could take them anytime.

This realisation came with an overwhelming sense of power, welling up from my very being. My own. My strength, not there before. My life and fate were not decided by anyone but myself. I could choose who I wanted to be. I had the power to shape one human life- mine.

As this strength brought me away from the depths of my self-created chains, I felt like running. Running free of all these catches, sprinting across the snow-covered landscape, footsteps thudding in the snow leaving deep prints embedded behind.

I sped past trees of all sorts. Bare broken trees and bramble all waiting for Spring, evergreen conifers with their deep hues a stark contrast to the pure snow, bushes, hedges, forests. Lamp posts lit the path ahead, golden glimmers reflecting against the snow, warm glows casted all around like fireplaces lighting up a cold stone room. The wintry winds blew, icy, biting at my reddened cheeks while I exhaled, my breath coming out in one long cloud of mist, my mind reflecting the clear waters of frozen lakes past. I breathed slow and deep, inhaling the fresh air, exhaling my cloud of worries. This was what life was about.

As I ran faster, I picked up pace, my footsteps now barely leaving marks on the snow as I lifted up with each step, higher and higher until I was flying across the icy plains and forests, the mountains and seas, the end of the world. Then finally, I landed on top of the tallest mountain, looking at the fields of clouds stretching endlessly past the horizon. The Sun's glare was piercing, but comforting. I slowly took one step out, treading carefully on the clouds, the swirling mist encircling my ankles, covering my feet. It was cool, slightly damp, but comfortable. With each step, I stretched my legs, not yet tired but satisfied. The clouds were infinite, but I walked at my own slow pace, thoughts flickering through my mind, contemplating my newfound sense of freedom. I paused in my steps, slowly sitting down, then moved to a lying position, blowing at the mist while staring at the perfect azure blue sky.

I closed my eyes, smiling, and felt like I was home.

~End~