Title: More Than That (1/?)
Author: MacKenzie Rabb
E-Mail: mackenzie_rabb@yahoo.com
Rating:PG
Classification: Romance (Harm/Mac)
Disclaimer: I do not own JAG or any of the characters within. They are all the
property of Donald Bellisario, Paramount and CBS.
Spoilers: "The Princess and the Petty Officer"
Summary: A disastrous double date, arguements, conversations, and revelations
all lead to more than Harm and Mac had ever imagined.
Author's Notes: I wish the show would take a turn soon, I'm running out of ways to
break Mac and Brumby, and Harm and Renee' up! This piece came about when I was
very upset with the way things were going. There's not enough personal stuff anymore,
but hopefully that will all change soon.
****************************************************
Mac was trying to keep herself from screaming. "Did you see what just happened in
there? Or am I having some sort of completely bizarre nightmare?" she asked her
partner, Harm, slowly losing her cool altogether.
"Yeah, I did, and if you're having a nightmare, then we're sharing it," he said, running
a hand through his hair. They were standing on the sidewalk in the swanky part of D.C.,
outside of Bella Roma Italian Restaurant.
Mac and Brumby had shown up at the restaurant for dinner at the same time as Harm
and Renee'. They had all decided to sit together, sort of an unplanned double date. And
an unwanted situation as far as Harm and Mac were concerned.
Things had started off predictably awkward. They had tried small talk, until the waiter
saved them by bringing their menus. For a few minutes they could all pretend to be
concentrating on what to order. The waiter came back a few minutes later, and as he
left with their orders, they were all thrown back into near silence.
Renee' was the first to speak.
"So, Mr. Brumby, how are you surviving our country?" she inquired.
He glanced over at Mac. "Just fine, thank you," he said, grinning. "And call me Mic."
"Okay, Mic. Do you miss Australia very much?"
"Oh, all the time. It's hard not to miss your homeland."
Renee' then continued questioning him about Australia, telling him she was thinking
about producing a documentary about the country.
Harm and Mac exchanged "What is going on?" looks as their conversation went on.
All through the meal, they could hardly get a word in edgewise. Renee' and Brumby
talked about everything under the sun as if they weren't there.
As soon as they were finished eating, Mac insisted it was time to go. But Brumby was
more than a little reluctant.
"Uh, Harm, would you mind taking Sarah home?" he asked.
Mac looked appalled.
Since Renee' wasn't any more willing to leave, he agreed. Mainly because he didn't
want to see Mac explode in the middle of a very nice restaurant. And he knew she
was on the verge.
Harm called for the check and paid half. As he stood up, Renee' glanced up at him
and said, "Call me?"
"Oh, you can bet on it," Harm said, helping Mac out of her seat. Not only was it the
gentlemanly thing to do, he was afraid if he didn't, she'd sit there frozen for the rest
of the night.
Neither Renee' nor Brumby glanced up as Harm and Mac made their exit, his hand
on the small of her back to guide her through her shock.
Now here they were on the sidewalk, trying to figure out how an impromptu double
date had left them double dumped.
"I just cannot believe this!" Mac ranted, pacing up and down the concrete. "Your
girlfriend just stole my boyfriend!"
"I don't think your boyfriend was doing much resisting, Mac," he said. "Besides,
we're not in high school, so could you please calm down? We're adults, so if you
could start acting like one, that might be helpful. Actually," he grinned, "I'm almost
grateful to him for taking her off my hands. I think we were almost over anyway."
"Oh yeah? Well, maybe you're glad to get rid of that bleached blonde bimbo, but I
was practically ENGAGED!" she shouted.
"Mac, listen to yourself. 'Practically' engaged. You weren't about to marry him and
we both know it."
"That's what you think, Rabb. What exactly do you think we were doing here on a
Wednesday night?"
"Having dinner?" Harm said. But he knew what she was getting at.
She laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, whatever. Just take me home," she said, storming to
his car.
"Fine," he said, following her.
She was going to say yes, Harm thought, getting into the driver's seat.
Mac had already let herself in, and she looked very impatient to leave.
Harm put the key in the ignition and took off.
Mac was absolutely fuming.
He ventured a comment. "Maybe they just wanted to talk," he said.
She shot him a dirty look.
"It is possible," he said.
"Yeah, Harm, one minute he's hopelessly devoted to me, then he dumps me off on
*you* to stay with her. Sounds perfectly innocent to me," she said sarcastically.
"Well, we don't know anything for sure until we talk to them, do we? So again, calm down."
"Shut up and pay attention to the road," she said.
He drove the rest of the way to her apartment building in silence.
As soon as they came to a stop, Mac opened her door.
"Good -"
Mac slammed the door.
"Night," he muttered under his breath.
He knew better than to go after her. She needed some time to cool off, work things
out in her head, wait to call Brumby so she could chew him out.
He's in for it, he thought.
Harm knew something about the wrath of Sarah MacKenzie, and he tried to stay
away from it. Her good side was the best place to be.
He waited until she was in the building, and then drove home to deal with his own
relationship problems.
***********************************
Thursday morning
Harm didn't see Mac that morning until she barged into his office and slammed a file onto
his desk.
"McNally court-martial," she said, turning to leave.
"Wait," he said.
She turned around.
"Good morning to you too, Colonel," he said. "Have a seat."
She narrowed her eyes. "Why should I?"
He leaned forward, lacing his fingers together in front of him on the desk. He was
ready to mentally dig in his heels, because he knew there was about to be a fight.
"I think we need to talk," he said, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk.
Mac crossed her arms and reluctantly sat down.
"Did you ever get a hold of Brumby last night?"
She glared at him. "Yes, I did."
"And?"
"He wants his ring back."
"Uh-oh," Harm said, under his breath.
"Did you call Renee'?"
"Yeah, but she wasn't home, and I tried until midnight."
"I bet she was at his place, the son of a -"
"Mac," Harm interrupted, "what are you really so upset about?"
"Hmmm, let me see. Oh yeah, I had a fiancé and he dumped me last night," she said,
getting up. "Why wouldn't I be upset?" She stormed out of his office, slamming the door
behind her.
He followed her out into the bullpen, grabbed her arm and spun her around.
"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
"What's really bothering you?" he asked again. "Is it that Renee' stole him, or that he
dumped you before you could dump him?"
Mac's jaw dropped.
Everyone had stopped what they were doing to stare. It wasn't too often that two of
their senior officers got into a fight about something personal right in the middle of the
bullpen.
"How dare you even suggest that?" she said. She thought about slapping him, but she
didn't want to be charged with striking an officer. If we were alone, so help me God . . .
she thought. "Do you think I'm that shallow?"
"When it comes to them, maybe you are," he said frankly.
There was dead silence.
Admiral Chegwidden was going back to his office from the kitchen and saw what was
going on.
"Colonel, Commander, take it outside," he ordered.
"Yes, Sir," they said in unison.
The Admiral shot everyone else in the bullpen a look, and they immediately went back to
work.
Mac led the way, with Harm close behind.
Chegwidden just shook his head and continued walking to his office. He'd called them
in too many times. Let them take care of it themselves this time, he thought.
Meanwhile, out in the parking lot, things weren't looking so good.
"Why did you say what you said in there?" Mac asked angrily.
"Because it's true. You lost to another woman, one that you particularly dislike, and it's
just eating you up. Tell me that's not the truth."
"He was my fiancé," she said for the hundredth time since the previous night.
"But you weren't going to marry him, and if you were, it wasn't because you loved him.
It would only have been to get married, and have a family, because you think time is
running out. I just can't see why you would pick him."
"There are a lot of things you can't see," she shot back.
Harm reached out and pinned her left arm behind her back, pulling her to him.
She gasped at the impact of their bodies.
"I may not be as blind as you think I am," he said, his voice low. He moved slowly,
closer, until their lips almost met.
Just before they did, Mac reached out with her free hand and made contact with his left jaw.
Harm let go of her instantly.
She stepped back. "Not so fast, sailor."
He knew she could hit hard, but he had no idea she could slap with just as much impact.
"Nice aim, Colonel," he said, rubbing his stinging skin.
"You're lucky that's all you got," she said, turning to walk to her car.
Harm followed. "Where are you going?"
"Home."
"You can't just leave," he said.
"Watch me," she retorted.
"Why?"
"Because I'm sick."
He gave her a puzzled look.
"Of you," she said, slipping into her corvette. "But if anybody asks, you might just
want to tell them the sick part, unless you feel like doing a lot of explaining."
With that, she shut the door, started the car, and drove off, leaving one very confused
Harmon Rabb standing in the parking lot.
**************
Mac wasn't even about to go home. That was the first place anyone would look. So
she decided to visit Harriet. She figured they could both use the company.
Harriet answered the door as soon as Mac knocked. She was more than a little surprised
to see Mac standing there in the middle of the day.
"Ma'am? Is there something wrong?" she asked, frowning.
"No, not really. And call me Sarah, we're not at JAG," she smiled. "May I come in?"
"Oh, of course," she said, opening the door wider.
Mac hugged her. "How are you doing, Harriet?" she asked, concerned.
It had only been a month since Harriet had lost her second child, Baby Sarah, in
childbirth. Bud was currently looking into a malpractice suit against her doctor.
Mac worried about them all the time. She couldn't begin to imagine how a loss like
that would feel.
"All right, I guess. Things don't get much easier though."
"I know," Mac sighed.
"Ma - I mean, Sarah, may I ask why you're here in the middle of the day? I don't mind.
It's just that I thought you'd be at JAG."
"I was. It's a long story. Do you have time to talk? Did I interrupt anything?" Mac asked.
"No, Ma'am. I just put A.J. down for his nap."
Mac smiled. She and Bud will never get out of the"ma'am" habit, she thought.
Harriet gestured toward the living room. "Let's have a seat."
Mac followed her to the living room couch and they sat down.
"Are you doing all right?" Harriet asked her.
"I guess so. Things have just gotten into a mess all of the sudden. Mic broke up
with me last night, and it's Renee's fault, so Harm and I kind of had a fight last night."
She paused. "And this morning," she said, almost cringing.
"Oh my. I'm sorry, Sarah. But how is it Renee's fault that he broke up with you?"
"Well, like I said, it's a long story. But basically we all ran into each other at Bella Roma
last night, and Renee' started chatting Mic up. The next thing I know, Harm's taking
me home and three hours later Mic wants the ring back. I don't know how it happened
or why, but I know it's not Harm's fault. I was really awful to him this morning. He's
just as dumped as I am." She sighed. "I was going to say yes to Mic last night, that's
why I got so upset."
Harriet gasped a little. "You were?"
"Yeah," Mac said, looking a little sheepish.
"Did you tell Harm that?"
"Oh yeah," she said wryly. "He doesn't seem to believe I was serious. But he had
some theories on why I would've gone through with it if I was." She laughed. "And
maybe he was right. How did my life get to be such a mess? What is up with me and
men? You are so lucky to have Bud."
"You just haven't wound up with the right one yet. He may be closer than you think.
You'll know when it's the right time, even if he is right under your nose," she said
with a wink.
"You're so subtle. You know, I think that you and Harm have been hinting around
at the same thing."
"I know you want a husband and a family, Sarah. I know how that feels. I wouldn't
give Bud and little A.J. up for anything in the world. Not even if I knew the bad things
in advance," Harriet said, looking down. "They mean everything to me. Even though
I wish I had little Sarah back, I have to go on. They need me and I need them, and
together we're all going to make it through this somehow. I know that A.J. doesn't
understand what's going on, but I think he can sense that he's had two very sad
parents lately. The point is, you're going to have everything you want. You may
just have to straighten a few things out first."
"Thanks, Harriet. I'm sorry I came here to lay all of this on you."
"It's not a problem. What are friends for?"
Mac smiled. "Do you think Harm's ever going to speak to me again?" she asked,
a look of uncertainty on her face.
"He's one of the most forgiving people I know. Besides, you couldn't have said
anything *that* bad to him."
Mac scrunched up her face.
Harriet groaned. "Your temper got away with you?"
"Afraid so," Mac said.
"Well," Harriet sighed, "I think you'll still be okay. Like I said, he's very forgiving.
Especially for you. I hate to tell you this before he gets a chance, but he loves you."
"That's not what I'm - " Mac started.
"Look," Harriet interrupted, "why do you think he never got very serious with Renee'?
How do you explain why he got so tense every time he saw you with Brumby? It
wasn't just a competition for him like it must've been for Brumby. He was seriously
afraid of losing you. Couldn't you see that at all? It's pretty clear to everyone else."
"I don't know. It's just that I opened myself up to him once, and it blew up in my face.
I just figured he still felt the same way as he did then. And maybe he does. But I just
really need to apologize. I really feel bad about what I said. It's not his fault Mic turned
out to be a jerk."
"I'm going to tell you a little secret," Harriet said conspiratorially.
"What's that?" Mac asked.
"I don't know what either Harm or Brumby sees in Renée," she smiled. "She's not
Harm's type and Brumby already had you. So they're both really clueless, huh?"
"If you say so, Harriet. Men!" Mac exclaimed, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah," Harriet agreed.
Mac stood up. "I better get going. There's probably an earful waiting for me on my
machine. I shudder to think. Oh, how is that lawsuit coming?"
"We're filing tomorrow. We don't want this to happen to anyone else. It could be
a long battle though."
"Will you be okay?" Mac asked.
"I think so, I just want to make sure that doctor never practices again. I just don't
think Bud realizes what this is going to be like. I tried to talk him out of it, but he
won't listen."
"I think you have a strong case from what Bud's told me. Good luck. Everything
will be all right, Harriet."
"Thank you, Sarah," Harriet said, hugging her. "And thanks for coming by. You
should visit more often. You and Harm both. I know A.J. would like to see his
godparents more."
"I'll do that, Harriet. Give the little guy a kiss for me when he wakes up, okay?"
Mac said as they walked to the door.
"I will."
"And if you and Bud ever need some time to yourself, you know where to find
a babysitter. I'll see you later."
"Okay, thanks. See you," Harriet said. I hope things go well for both of us, she
thought, watching Mac walk out the door.
***********************************************
Thursday evening
Somehow, Mac managed to stay out of trouble for the rest of the day. There were
no messages when she got home, and no phone calls the rest of the afternoon.
She just hoped the Admiral wasn't going to dismiss her permanently in the morning.
She'd cross that bridge when she got there though.
It had started to snow late that afternoon, so she had started a fire, and read a book
to get her mind off her troubles.
It hadn't really worked, and she had dozed off. She was still halfway between sleep
and consciousness when there was a knock on the door.
Mac jumped up and opened it, only to find Mic Brumby standing there.
"Hello, Sarah," he said, as if everything was all right.
Mac put her hand on her hip, still holding onto the door with the other one.
"Either you really have some nerve, Mic, or you're as stupid as some people think
you are. What the hell are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to see if you're all right, and apologize for how things ended. Are you
all right?"
She laughed. "As a matter of fact, I've never been better in my life. And don't bother
apologizing, you did me a favor. You did Harm a favor too. You and Renée deserve
each other. Neither one of you knows what you could've had, so I hope you both
spend the rest of your miserable lives regretting that you blew it."
"It was over a long time ago, Sarah. I was never any competition for Harm, and you
never did a very good job making me feel like I was."
"Don't bother trying to explain anything to make yourself feel better, because I'm fine.
I will continue to be fine, because I just realized last night I don't need you. I never
really did. It was all just a charade for me, but I never fully realized it until last night.
And I know that no matter how much I want a family, I'm glad I didn't make the
mistake of having one with you. I should thank you, because you saved me the
trouble of finding all of this out too late. Goodbye, Mic," she said, slamming the door.
I should've strangled him, she thought, furious that he would show up on her
doorstep after what he'd done. She really was glad to be rid of him, but cheating
right in front of her was something that was unforgivable.
Just as she sat back down, there was another knock at the door.
"Mic, I told you . . ." she yelled, opening the door.
It was Harm.
"You told him what?" he asked.
Mac tried not to look embarrassed. "To get lost," she said in a much lower voice.
"Good choice. May I come in?"
"Sure," she said stepping out of the way.
Harm turned to face her. "So, you still ready to tell me to get lost too?" he asked.
She had trouble looking him in the eye. "I- No, Harm. I'm sorry for everything I
said last night and this morning. I was horrible."
"You were upset," he said shrugging.
"But that's no excuse. It wasn't your fault, and you don't say things like that to
your best friend. It took last night to make me see how terribly wrong I was.
I almost screwed up my life completely. I couldn't have gone through with marrying
him. I don't even know why I was about to say yes."
Harm decided to take a leap. It was now or never.
"You were tired of waiting for me," he said, hoping he was right, or things were about
to get *really* awkward.
Mac looked down at the floor, then back up at him. That's way too close to home, she
thought.
"Yeah," was all she could come up with.
"I'm sorry, Mac. I'm sorry about what I said this morning. It was uncalled for, and I've
made a mess out of everything right from the beginning. But I have to tell you, I was
at that restaurant last night to break up with Renée, and I got what I wanted." He
paused. "Just not how I planned it."
"Hey, it worked out for both of us, didn't it? I'm glad now that you showed up there.
I was kept from making yet another mistake," she laughed a little bit. "Truce?" she
asked, reaching out to hug him.
"Sure," he said, accepting her offer.
They both held onto each other a little longer than usual. As they stepped back,
neither of them knew what to say.
Harm spoke first. "Aren't you even a little bit curious as to why I was going to break
up with her?" he asked.
Mac could think of a few things, but she wasn't about to go there. Instead, she
said, "That's really none of my business, Harm."
"I think it is," he said, looking at her with an intensity that always made her feel
like she was about to collapse.
She was struggling to breathe, but he was looking right into her eyes and she was
frozen.
"I couldn't stand to see you with him anymore. And the longer it went on, the more
I realized how much I loved you. I thought I'd go crazy if I went on with that sham of
a relationship. I didn't know what I was going to do if you didn't want me anymore,
but I had to be free of her, of anybody. For myself and for you."
"It wasn't all a competition with Mic?" she asked, needing him to confirm or deny her
fears.
"Never," he said simply. "I'm not saying we weren't competitive, but when it came to
you, I only wanted what was best for you. And he wasn't what was best for you,
Sarah. But I actually did more to push you into his arms than take you away from him."
"You're what's best for me," she said. It wasn't a question or a declaration, but more
of a realization spoken aloud. She walked over to the window, and stared into the
near-blinding snow.
Harm walked over to her, and slipped his arms around her waist from behind,
resting his chin on the top of her head.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
She turned around in his arms. "I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed I guess. I love
you, Harm, with all my heart. And I want this, I want you, so much. And even though
I've got what I want, I still can't figure out how it's going to work. I know we can be
together right now, and not tell anyone. But someday, we're going to want more than
that, right?"
He nodded.
"And how are we going to handle that at JAG? The Admiral would probably separate
us in a heartbeat. If we're going to be partners in life, no more partnership at the office."
Harm smiled. "Always the worrier. I warned you about this before, you know. But it
looks like we're stuck now, doesn't it?"
"Harm, you're no help at all," she complained.
He pulled her closer to him, slipping one hand behind her neck to lift her head up to
look at him. "It'll be all right, Sarah," he said softly. He leaned down a few inches until
their lips met.
He kissed her softly, slowly, causing her to release a tiny moan. He broke the kiss,
leaving her breathless.
Mac wrapped her arms around Harm's waist, and laid her head on his chest, hanging
on for dear life. "I love you so much, Harm," she murmured into his sweater.
Holding him like this was everything she'd hoped for, everything she had dreamed.
But it didn't change the rules they were breaking. As an officer she couldn't get it
out of her head, but as a woman she'd do anything to forget about everything but him.
She looked up at him. "Let's go sit by the fire," she suggested.
Mac sat down on the couch, while Harm put another log on the fire. When he had it
going again, he sat down beside her. He pulled her into his arms, and she snuggled
against his chest and sighed.
"We're in trouble now," she said.
"We just won't tell anyone. I imagine we can sneak around as long as we like. We'll
just have to be a little bit careful."
"I'm not so sure, Harm. We might be court-martialed if we were caught."
"I doubt the Admiral would do that to us. He knows as much about us as we do,"
he laughed. "Why couldn't we just act like we always have at the office? We've done
a good job of pretending for nearly four years."
"It wouldn't be the same, Harm. Besides, Christmas is coming up, what will we do for
parties? Especially the office party?"
"Stay home?"
"Oh yeah, that wouldn't look suspicious at all," she said sarcastically.
"Let's just try it tomorrow. I'll show you. Everything will be fine."
"Okay," she reluctantly agreed, sealing it with a kiss.
"Anyway," Harm said, "we're military officers. If we don't have discipline, what do we
have?"
Mac snuggled closer to him. "Maybe you're right."
They held each other in silence, Harm stroking Mac's hair, until they both fell asleep on
her couch.
THE END . . . for now
Author: MacKenzie Rabb
E-Mail: mackenzie_rabb@yahoo.com
Rating:PG
Classification: Romance (Harm/Mac)
Disclaimer: I do not own JAG or any of the characters within. They are all the
property of Donald Bellisario, Paramount and CBS.
Spoilers: "The Princess and the Petty Officer"
Summary: A disastrous double date, arguements, conversations, and revelations
all lead to more than Harm and Mac had ever imagined.
Author's Notes: I wish the show would take a turn soon, I'm running out of ways to
break Mac and Brumby, and Harm and Renee' up! This piece came about when I was
very upset with the way things were going. There's not enough personal stuff anymore,
but hopefully that will all change soon.
****************************************************
Mac was trying to keep herself from screaming. "Did you see what just happened in
there? Or am I having some sort of completely bizarre nightmare?" she asked her
partner, Harm, slowly losing her cool altogether.
"Yeah, I did, and if you're having a nightmare, then we're sharing it," he said, running
a hand through his hair. They were standing on the sidewalk in the swanky part of D.C.,
outside of Bella Roma Italian Restaurant.
Mac and Brumby had shown up at the restaurant for dinner at the same time as Harm
and Renee'. They had all decided to sit together, sort of an unplanned double date. And
an unwanted situation as far as Harm and Mac were concerned.
Things had started off predictably awkward. They had tried small talk, until the waiter
saved them by bringing their menus. For a few minutes they could all pretend to be
concentrating on what to order. The waiter came back a few minutes later, and as he
left with their orders, they were all thrown back into near silence.
Renee' was the first to speak.
"So, Mr. Brumby, how are you surviving our country?" she inquired.
He glanced over at Mac. "Just fine, thank you," he said, grinning. "And call me Mic."
"Okay, Mic. Do you miss Australia very much?"
"Oh, all the time. It's hard not to miss your homeland."
Renee' then continued questioning him about Australia, telling him she was thinking
about producing a documentary about the country.
Harm and Mac exchanged "What is going on?" looks as their conversation went on.
All through the meal, they could hardly get a word in edgewise. Renee' and Brumby
talked about everything under the sun as if they weren't there.
As soon as they were finished eating, Mac insisted it was time to go. But Brumby was
more than a little reluctant.
"Uh, Harm, would you mind taking Sarah home?" he asked.
Mac looked appalled.
Since Renee' wasn't any more willing to leave, he agreed. Mainly because he didn't
want to see Mac explode in the middle of a very nice restaurant. And he knew she
was on the verge.
Harm called for the check and paid half. As he stood up, Renee' glanced up at him
and said, "Call me?"
"Oh, you can bet on it," Harm said, helping Mac out of her seat. Not only was it the
gentlemanly thing to do, he was afraid if he didn't, she'd sit there frozen for the rest
of the night.
Neither Renee' nor Brumby glanced up as Harm and Mac made their exit, his hand
on the small of her back to guide her through her shock.
Now here they were on the sidewalk, trying to figure out how an impromptu double
date had left them double dumped.
"I just cannot believe this!" Mac ranted, pacing up and down the concrete. "Your
girlfriend just stole my boyfriend!"
"I don't think your boyfriend was doing much resisting, Mac," he said. "Besides,
we're not in high school, so could you please calm down? We're adults, so if you
could start acting like one, that might be helpful. Actually," he grinned, "I'm almost
grateful to him for taking her off my hands. I think we were almost over anyway."
"Oh yeah? Well, maybe you're glad to get rid of that bleached blonde bimbo, but I
was practically ENGAGED!" she shouted.
"Mac, listen to yourself. 'Practically' engaged. You weren't about to marry him and
we both know it."
"That's what you think, Rabb. What exactly do you think we were doing here on a
Wednesday night?"
"Having dinner?" Harm said. But he knew what she was getting at.
She laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, whatever. Just take me home," she said, storming to
his car.
"Fine," he said, following her.
She was going to say yes, Harm thought, getting into the driver's seat.
Mac had already let herself in, and she looked very impatient to leave.
Harm put the key in the ignition and took off.
Mac was absolutely fuming.
He ventured a comment. "Maybe they just wanted to talk," he said.
She shot him a dirty look.
"It is possible," he said.
"Yeah, Harm, one minute he's hopelessly devoted to me, then he dumps me off on
*you* to stay with her. Sounds perfectly innocent to me," she said sarcastically.
"Well, we don't know anything for sure until we talk to them, do we? So again, calm down."
"Shut up and pay attention to the road," she said.
He drove the rest of the way to her apartment building in silence.
As soon as they came to a stop, Mac opened her door.
"Good -"
Mac slammed the door.
"Night," he muttered under his breath.
He knew better than to go after her. She needed some time to cool off, work things
out in her head, wait to call Brumby so she could chew him out.
He's in for it, he thought.
Harm knew something about the wrath of Sarah MacKenzie, and he tried to stay
away from it. Her good side was the best place to be.
He waited until she was in the building, and then drove home to deal with his own
relationship problems.
***********************************
Thursday morning
Harm didn't see Mac that morning until she barged into his office and slammed a file onto
his desk.
"McNally court-martial," she said, turning to leave.
"Wait," he said.
She turned around.
"Good morning to you too, Colonel," he said. "Have a seat."
She narrowed her eyes. "Why should I?"
He leaned forward, lacing his fingers together in front of him on the desk. He was
ready to mentally dig in his heels, because he knew there was about to be a fight.
"I think we need to talk," he said, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk.
Mac crossed her arms and reluctantly sat down.
"Did you ever get a hold of Brumby last night?"
She glared at him. "Yes, I did."
"And?"
"He wants his ring back."
"Uh-oh," Harm said, under his breath.
"Did you call Renee'?"
"Yeah, but she wasn't home, and I tried until midnight."
"I bet she was at his place, the son of a -"
"Mac," Harm interrupted, "what are you really so upset about?"
"Hmmm, let me see. Oh yeah, I had a fiancé and he dumped me last night," she said,
getting up. "Why wouldn't I be upset?" She stormed out of his office, slamming the door
behind her.
He followed her out into the bullpen, grabbed her arm and spun her around.
"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
"What's really bothering you?" he asked again. "Is it that Renee' stole him, or that he
dumped you before you could dump him?"
Mac's jaw dropped.
Everyone had stopped what they were doing to stare. It wasn't too often that two of
their senior officers got into a fight about something personal right in the middle of the
bullpen.
"How dare you even suggest that?" she said. She thought about slapping him, but she
didn't want to be charged with striking an officer. If we were alone, so help me God . . .
she thought. "Do you think I'm that shallow?"
"When it comes to them, maybe you are," he said frankly.
There was dead silence.
Admiral Chegwidden was going back to his office from the kitchen and saw what was
going on.
"Colonel, Commander, take it outside," he ordered.
"Yes, Sir," they said in unison.
The Admiral shot everyone else in the bullpen a look, and they immediately went back to
work.
Mac led the way, with Harm close behind.
Chegwidden just shook his head and continued walking to his office. He'd called them
in too many times. Let them take care of it themselves this time, he thought.
Meanwhile, out in the parking lot, things weren't looking so good.
"Why did you say what you said in there?" Mac asked angrily.
"Because it's true. You lost to another woman, one that you particularly dislike, and it's
just eating you up. Tell me that's not the truth."
"He was my fiancé," she said for the hundredth time since the previous night.
"But you weren't going to marry him, and if you were, it wasn't because you loved him.
It would only have been to get married, and have a family, because you think time is
running out. I just can't see why you would pick him."
"There are a lot of things you can't see," she shot back.
Harm reached out and pinned her left arm behind her back, pulling her to him.
She gasped at the impact of their bodies.
"I may not be as blind as you think I am," he said, his voice low. He moved slowly,
closer, until their lips almost met.
Just before they did, Mac reached out with her free hand and made contact with his left jaw.
Harm let go of her instantly.
She stepped back. "Not so fast, sailor."
He knew she could hit hard, but he had no idea she could slap with just as much impact.
"Nice aim, Colonel," he said, rubbing his stinging skin.
"You're lucky that's all you got," she said, turning to walk to her car.
Harm followed. "Where are you going?"
"Home."
"You can't just leave," he said.
"Watch me," she retorted.
"Why?"
"Because I'm sick."
He gave her a puzzled look.
"Of you," she said, slipping into her corvette. "But if anybody asks, you might just
want to tell them the sick part, unless you feel like doing a lot of explaining."
With that, she shut the door, started the car, and drove off, leaving one very confused
Harmon Rabb standing in the parking lot.
**************
Mac wasn't even about to go home. That was the first place anyone would look. So
she decided to visit Harriet. She figured they could both use the company.
Harriet answered the door as soon as Mac knocked. She was more than a little surprised
to see Mac standing there in the middle of the day.
"Ma'am? Is there something wrong?" she asked, frowning.
"No, not really. And call me Sarah, we're not at JAG," she smiled. "May I come in?"
"Oh, of course," she said, opening the door wider.
Mac hugged her. "How are you doing, Harriet?" she asked, concerned.
It had only been a month since Harriet had lost her second child, Baby Sarah, in
childbirth. Bud was currently looking into a malpractice suit against her doctor.
Mac worried about them all the time. She couldn't begin to imagine how a loss like
that would feel.
"All right, I guess. Things don't get much easier though."
"I know," Mac sighed.
"Ma - I mean, Sarah, may I ask why you're here in the middle of the day? I don't mind.
It's just that I thought you'd be at JAG."
"I was. It's a long story. Do you have time to talk? Did I interrupt anything?" Mac asked.
"No, Ma'am. I just put A.J. down for his nap."
Mac smiled. She and Bud will never get out of the"ma'am" habit, she thought.
Harriet gestured toward the living room. "Let's have a seat."
Mac followed her to the living room couch and they sat down.
"Are you doing all right?" Harriet asked her.
"I guess so. Things have just gotten into a mess all of the sudden. Mic broke up
with me last night, and it's Renee's fault, so Harm and I kind of had a fight last night."
She paused. "And this morning," she said, almost cringing.
"Oh my. I'm sorry, Sarah. But how is it Renee's fault that he broke up with you?"
"Well, like I said, it's a long story. But basically we all ran into each other at Bella Roma
last night, and Renee' started chatting Mic up. The next thing I know, Harm's taking
me home and three hours later Mic wants the ring back. I don't know how it happened
or why, but I know it's not Harm's fault. I was really awful to him this morning. He's
just as dumped as I am." She sighed. "I was going to say yes to Mic last night, that's
why I got so upset."
Harriet gasped a little. "You were?"
"Yeah," Mac said, looking a little sheepish.
"Did you tell Harm that?"
"Oh yeah," she said wryly. "He doesn't seem to believe I was serious. But he had
some theories on why I would've gone through with it if I was." She laughed. "And
maybe he was right. How did my life get to be such a mess? What is up with me and
men? You are so lucky to have Bud."
"You just haven't wound up with the right one yet. He may be closer than you think.
You'll know when it's the right time, even if he is right under your nose," she said
with a wink.
"You're so subtle. You know, I think that you and Harm have been hinting around
at the same thing."
"I know you want a husband and a family, Sarah. I know how that feels. I wouldn't
give Bud and little A.J. up for anything in the world. Not even if I knew the bad things
in advance," Harriet said, looking down. "They mean everything to me. Even though
I wish I had little Sarah back, I have to go on. They need me and I need them, and
together we're all going to make it through this somehow. I know that A.J. doesn't
understand what's going on, but I think he can sense that he's had two very sad
parents lately. The point is, you're going to have everything you want. You may
just have to straighten a few things out first."
"Thanks, Harriet. I'm sorry I came here to lay all of this on you."
"It's not a problem. What are friends for?"
Mac smiled. "Do you think Harm's ever going to speak to me again?" she asked,
a look of uncertainty on her face.
"He's one of the most forgiving people I know. Besides, you couldn't have said
anything *that* bad to him."
Mac scrunched up her face.
Harriet groaned. "Your temper got away with you?"
"Afraid so," Mac said.
"Well," Harriet sighed, "I think you'll still be okay. Like I said, he's very forgiving.
Especially for you. I hate to tell you this before he gets a chance, but he loves you."
"That's not what I'm - " Mac started.
"Look," Harriet interrupted, "why do you think he never got very serious with Renee'?
How do you explain why he got so tense every time he saw you with Brumby? It
wasn't just a competition for him like it must've been for Brumby. He was seriously
afraid of losing you. Couldn't you see that at all? It's pretty clear to everyone else."
"I don't know. It's just that I opened myself up to him once, and it blew up in my face.
I just figured he still felt the same way as he did then. And maybe he does. But I just
really need to apologize. I really feel bad about what I said. It's not his fault Mic turned
out to be a jerk."
"I'm going to tell you a little secret," Harriet said conspiratorially.
"What's that?" Mac asked.
"I don't know what either Harm or Brumby sees in Renée," she smiled. "She's not
Harm's type and Brumby already had you. So they're both really clueless, huh?"
"If you say so, Harriet. Men!" Mac exclaimed, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah," Harriet agreed.
Mac stood up. "I better get going. There's probably an earful waiting for me on my
machine. I shudder to think. Oh, how is that lawsuit coming?"
"We're filing tomorrow. We don't want this to happen to anyone else. It could be
a long battle though."
"Will you be okay?" Mac asked.
"I think so, I just want to make sure that doctor never practices again. I just don't
think Bud realizes what this is going to be like. I tried to talk him out of it, but he
won't listen."
"I think you have a strong case from what Bud's told me. Good luck. Everything
will be all right, Harriet."
"Thank you, Sarah," Harriet said, hugging her. "And thanks for coming by. You
should visit more often. You and Harm both. I know A.J. would like to see his
godparents more."
"I'll do that, Harriet. Give the little guy a kiss for me when he wakes up, okay?"
Mac said as they walked to the door.
"I will."
"And if you and Bud ever need some time to yourself, you know where to find
a babysitter. I'll see you later."
"Okay, thanks. See you," Harriet said. I hope things go well for both of us, she
thought, watching Mac walk out the door.
***********************************************
Thursday evening
Somehow, Mac managed to stay out of trouble for the rest of the day. There were
no messages when she got home, and no phone calls the rest of the afternoon.
She just hoped the Admiral wasn't going to dismiss her permanently in the morning.
She'd cross that bridge when she got there though.
It had started to snow late that afternoon, so she had started a fire, and read a book
to get her mind off her troubles.
It hadn't really worked, and she had dozed off. She was still halfway between sleep
and consciousness when there was a knock on the door.
Mac jumped up and opened it, only to find Mic Brumby standing there.
"Hello, Sarah," he said, as if everything was all right.
Mac put her hand on her hip, still holding onto the door with the other one.
"Either you really have some nerve, Mic, or you're as stupid as some people think
you are. What the hell are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to see if you're all right, and apologize for how things ended. Are you
all right?"
She laughed. "As a matter of fact, I've never been better in my life. And don't bother
apologizing, you did me a favor. You did Harm a favor too. You and Renée deserve
each other. Neither one of you knows what you could've had, so I hope you both
spend the rest of your miserable lives regretting that you blew it."
"It was over a long time ago, Sarah. I was never any competition for Harm, and you
never did a very good job making me feel like I was."
"Don't bother trying to explain anything to make yourself feel better, because I'm fine.
I will continue to be fine, because I just realized last night I don't need you. I never
really did. It was all just a charade for me, but I never fully realized it until last night.
And I know that no matter how much I want a family, I'm glad I didn't make the
mistake of having one with you. I should thank you, because you saved me the
trouble of finding all of this out too late. Goodbye, Mic," she said, slamming the door.
I should've strangled him, she thought, furious that he would show up on her
doorstep after what he'd done. She really was glad to be rid of him, but cheating
right in front of her was something that was unforgivable.
Just as she sat back down, there was another knock at the door.
"Mic, I told you . . ." she yelled, opening the door.
It was Harm.
"You told him what?" he asked.
Mac tried not to look embarrassed. "To get lost," she said in a much lower voice.
"Good choice. May I come in?"
"Sure," she said stepping out of the way.
Harm turned to face her. "So, you still ready to tell me to get lost too?" he asked.
She had trouble looking him in the eye. "I- No, Harm. I'm sorry for everything I
said last night and this morning. I was horrible."
"You were upset," he said shrugging.
"But that's no excuse. It wasn't your fault, and you don't say things like that to
your best friend. It took last night to make me see how terribly wrong I was.
I almost screwed up my life completely. I couldn't have gone through with marrying
him. I don't even know why I was about to say yes."
Harm decided to take a leap. It was now or never.
"You were tired of waiting for me," he said, hoping he was right, or things were about
to get *really* awkward.
Mac looked down at the floor, then back up at him. That's way too close to home, she
thought.
"Yeah," was all she could come up with.
"I'm sorry, Mac. I'm sorry about what I said this morning. It was uncalled for, and I've
made a mess out of everything right from the beginning. But I have to tell you, I was
at that restaurant last night to break up with Renée, and I got what I wanted." He
paused. "Just not how I planned it."
"Hey, it worked out for both of us, didn't it? I'm glad now that you showed up there.
I was kept from making yet another mistake," she laughed a little bit. "Truce?" she
asked, reaching out to hug him.
"Sure," he said, accepting her offer.
They both held onto each other a little longer than usual. As they stepped back,
neither of them knew what to say.
Harm spoke first. "Aren't you even a little bit curious as to why I was going to break
up with her?" he asked.
Mac could think of a few things, but she wasn't about to go there. Instead, she
said, "That's really none of my business, Harm."
"I think it is," he said, looking at her with an intensity that always made her feel
like she was about to collapse.
She was struggling to breathe, but he was looking right into her eyes and she was
frozen.
"I couldn't stand to see you with him anymore. And the longer it went on, the more
I realized how much I loved you. I thought I'd go crazy if I went on with that sham of
a relationship. I didn't know what I was going to do if you didn't want me anymore,
but I had to be free of her, of anybody. For myself and for you."
"It wasn't all a competition with Mic?" she asked, needing him to confirm or deny her
fears.
"Never," he said simply. "I'm not saying we weren't competitive, but when it came to
you, I only wanted what was best for you. And he wasn't what was best for you,
Sarah. But I actually did more to push you into his arms than take you away from him."
"You're what's best for me," she said. It wasn't a question or a declaration, but more
of a realization spoken aloud. She walked over to the window, and stared into the
near-blinding snow.
Harm walked over to her, and slipped his arms around her waist from behind,
resting his chin on the top of her head.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
She turned around in his arms. "I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed I guess. I love
you, Harm, with all my heart. And I want this, I want you, so much. And even though
I've got what I want, I still can't figure out how it's going to work. I know we can be
together right now, and not tell anyone. But someday, we're going to want more than
that, right?"
He nodded.
"And how are we going to handle that at JAG? The Admiral would probably separate
us in a heartbeat. If we're going to be partners in life, no more partnership at the office."
Harm smiled. "Always the worrier. I warned you about this before, you know. But it
looks like we're stuck now, doesn't it?"
"Harm, you're no help at all," she complained.
He pulled her closer to him, slipping one hand behind her neck to lift her head up to
look at him. "It'll be all right, Sarah," he said softly. He leaned down a few inches until
their lips met.
He kissed her softly, slowly, causing her to release a tiny moan. He broke the kiss,
leaving her breathless.
Mac wrapped her arms around Harm's waist, and laid her head on his chest, hanging
on for dear life. "I love you so much, Harm," she murmured into his sweater.
Holding him like this was everything she'd hoped for, everything she had dreamed.
But it didn't change the rules they were breaking. As an officer she couldn't get it
out of her head, but as a woman she'd do anything to forget about everything but him.
She looked up at him. "Let's go sit by the fire," she suggested.
Mac sat down on the couch, while Harm put another log on the fire. When he had it
going again, he sat down beside her. He pulled her into his arms, and she snuggled
against his chest and sighed.
"We're in trouble now," she said.
"We just won't tell anyone. I imagine we can sneak around as long as we like. We'll
just have to be a little bit careful."
"I'm not so sure, Harm. We might be court-martialed if we were caught."
"I doubt the Admiral would do that to us. He knows as much about us as we do,"
he laughed. "Why couldn't we just act like we always have at the office? We've done
a good job of pretending for nearly four years."
"It wouldn't be the same, Harm. Besides, Christmas is coming up, what will we do for
parties? Especially the office party?"
"Stay home?"
"Oh yeah, that wouldn't look suspicious at all," she said sarcastically.
"Let's just try it tomorrow. I'll show you. Everything will be fine."
"Okay," she reluctantly agreed, sealing it with a kiss.
"Anyway," Harm said, "we're military officers. If we don't have discipline, what do we
have?"
Mac snuggled closer to him. "Maybe you're right."
They held each other in silence, Harm stroking Mac's hair, until they both fell asleep on
her couch.
THE END . . . for now
