by Dr
How the Glitch Stole Chanukkah
By Costello
 
 
Every Wee
Down in Wee-ville
Liked Chanukkah a lot...
 
But the Glitch,
Who lived just East of Wee-ville,
Did NOT!
 
The Glitch hated Chanukkah! The whole Chanukkah season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his ears were screwed in too tight.
It could be his chutzpah (though I doubt that is right).
But I think the most possible reason of all
May have been his intestines were three sizes too small.
 
But,
Whatever the reason,
Intestines or ears,
He stood there on Chanukkah eve, shouting some jeers,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Glitchy frown
At the warm lighted menorahs below in their town.
For he knew every Wee down in Wee-ville beneath
Was busy now, cooking some latkes to eat.
 
"And they're lighting their candles!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Chanukkah! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Glitch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Chanukkah from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
 
...All the Wee girls and boys
Wouldn't wait for their dinner, they'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
 
Then the Wees, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Wee-latkes, and Wee-gefilte-fish with grease
Which was something the Glitch couldn't stand in the least!
 
And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Wee down in Wee-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Chanukkah bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Wees would start singing!
 
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Glitch thought of the Wee- Chanukkah -Sing
The more the Glitch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for forty-two years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Chanukkah from coming!
...But HOW?"
 
Then he got an idea!
A gruesome idea!
THE GLITCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, GRUESOME IDEA!
 
"I know just what to do!" The Glitch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Yamaka and started to gloat.
And he chuckled, "What a great Glitchy trick, you can't deny!
"With this Yamaka on, I'll look like a rabbi!"
 
"All I need is a Torah..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since Torahs are scarce, there were none to be found.
Did that stop the old Glitch...?
No! The Glitch simply said,
"If I can't find a Torah I'll make one instead!"
So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread
And he sewed some Hebrew on the top of his head.
 
THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle bike
And he hitched up old Max.
 
Then the Grinch said, "Giddyap!"
And the bike started down
Toward the homes where the Wees
Lay asleep in their town.
 
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Wees were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Glitch Rabbi hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
 
Then he slid through the open window. A rather tight pinch.
But if burglers could do it, then so could the Glitch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or four.
Then he got through and noticed the wide-open door. 
Where the little Wee dreidels all lay in a heap.
"These dreidels," he grinned, "are the first things I'll keep!"
 
Then he creeped and he slank, an unpleasant smile on his jaw,
Around the whole room, and he took the menorah!
And the books! And the Gelt! And rattles and drums!
Checkerboards! Talmuds! Latkes! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
 
Then he slunk to the freezer. He took the Wees' feast!
He took the Gefilte Fish! Also the grease!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a wink.
Why, that Glitch took everything but the kitchen sink!
 
Then he stuffed all the food through the window and rambled.
"Now I must stuff up the Wee's very candles!"
 
And the Glitch grabbed the candles, and started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Wee!
Little Mimi-Dee Wee, who was not more than three.
 
The Glitch had been caught by this little Wee daughter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Glitch and said, "Shalom, but, why,
"Why are you taking our Candles sir? WHY?"
 
But, you know, that old Glitch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake rabbi lied,
"There's a light on this candle that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my store, my dear.
"I'll exchange it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
 
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.
And when Mimi-Dee Wee went to bed with her glass,
HE went to the window and stuffed the candles through fast!
 
Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire.
Then he went throough the window himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.
 
And the one speck of food
The he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
 
 
Then
He did the same thing
To the other Wees' houses
 
Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Wees' mouses!
 
It was quarter past dawn...
All the Wees, out like a light,
All the Wees, still a-snooze
When he packed up his bike,
Packed it up with their presents! The dreidels! The wrappings!
The latkes! The Matzah! The gelt! The wrappings!
 
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Muvvit,
He rode to the tiptop to go up and shove it!
"Pooh-pooh to the Wees!" he was glitch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Chanukkah is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the Wees down in Wee-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"
 
"That's a noise," grinned the Glitch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Glitch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
 
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
 
He stared down at Wee-ville!
The Glitch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
 
Every Wee down in Wee-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Chanukkah from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
 
And the Glitch, with his glitch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without latkes! It came without tags!
"It came without gefilte fish, dreidels or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Glitch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Chanukkah," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Chanukkah...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
 
And what happened then...?
Well...in Wee-ville they say
That the Grinch's small intestines
Grew FOUR sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he...
 
...HE HIMSELF...!
The Grinch carved the fish and the grease!