Italian Jailbait
AN: Wow, I thought this story was dead and buried. I really did. Turns out, it isn't. I figured out where this story is going and am now recommitted to it. Not to mention, that in the years since I first posted this, I've figured out the whole chapter thing, so the formatting should be much improved.
Timeline: Season 5 of Angel, "The Girl in Question", only Buffy, not Andrew, is there when Angel and Spike come to call
"No, wait. Is 'ciao' hello or goodbye?" Buffy's furrowed her brow.
"Both?" her younger sister said, tossing up popcorn and missing her mouth.
"So when you're, like, talking to someone on the phone and they ask you, like, something stupid or whatever and you want to say, like, 'Hello?' and you say 'ciao' but then they might think you're saying goodbye and hang up on you."
Dawn paused and starred at her sister, "Geez, run-on."
"But it just…" she sighed, defeated, "It doesn't make sense."
"What doesn't?" Faith asked, stealing Dawn's popcorn.
"Hey," she whined and was ignored.
"This language. Nothing makes sense. I can't even form a sentence yet," Buffy complained.
"Sure you can. Here. Repeat after me," Faith stood up straight, "Voulez vous coucher avec moi."
Dawn suppressed a laugh. Buffy rose her eyebrows at her, "That's French, X-tina."
"Oh," a smirk lit up her face, "Well, someone might want to tell the guy upstairs, fast asleep, that."
Dawn smiled deviously, "Ohh, I will."
Buffy's older sister instincts switched on, "Uh, I think not. Shouldn't you wake up your own one-night-stands?" she turned to Faith.
"Who said he was a one night stand? I plan to keep him around all day," she smiled happily.
"Ooh," Buffy mocked, "Is that a new record for you?"
"No," Faith replied, totally seriously, "I once stayed with the same guy for a month and a half."
Buffy was dumbfounded, "Nuh uh."
The brunette smirked a popped an overflowing handful of popcorn into her mouth. "Well, I was six and he had cooties, but, yes. A whole month and a half."
"Oh, well, that doesn't count. I think any pre-puberty relationships are considered pretty much non-existent."
Faith turned dramatically towards Buffy, "Were you pre-puberty at six? Hmm, late bloomer?"
The blonde just smiled deviously and stole the popcorn from her counterpart.
"Okay, then, if Jonny Dics doesn't count, then, yes, he," she pointed upstairs, "Would be my new record."
"Yay!" Dawn exclaimed and soft ghost clapped.
"Hey," Buffy threw a kernel into her mouth, "Does he…" She pointed up, "Have a name?"
"Why, yes, he does," Faith said.
"And you know it?"
"Why, yes, I do."
"And may we know it?"
"Why, no, you can't."
"Oh, my, God!" Buffy threw her head back in laughter, "You don't even know the guy's name!"
"I do, too! His name is…something with an R."
"You don't know his name!"
"I know it," the brunette swore, "It's just a very Italian name; I can't pronounce it correctly."
"Uh huh," Dawn shot an eyebrow up in disapproval.
"Well, hey there, Little Miss Thang," Faith turned to Buffy, "Not so sure you should be lecturing anyone on the benefits of monogamy or the knowing of the partner's name."
"Nope! You are not going to bring me down with that. I know his name, and this is my first non-monogamous relationship…ever. I deserve it," Buffy retorted, "I've got nothing to be ashamed of."
"Yeah," Dawn smirked, "if I had a guy who kept me howling all night like what's-his-name does for you, I wouldn't be apologizing either."
"Dawn Michelle Summers!"
"Hey, as a fully-grown, angst-ridden teenager I have no choice but to live vicariously through those older and getting some," Dawn defended herself.
"You, missy, have spent far too much time with this one," Buffy pointed a guilty finger at Faith.
Faith held her mouth open sarcastically, "Are you meaning to tell me that I am a bad influence?"
Buffy couldn't help the smile that slipped on her face and turned back to her sister, "Well, at least you're not murdering anyone, yet."
"Or," the brunette slayer's face brightened up, "Sleeping with not one, not two, but three--count them-- three corpses. You're not doing that either, shortstop. And that--that is very good." Both brunettes laughed together and looked to Buffy for her response.
"The Immortal is not a corpse," was her only defense. The other two girls continued to laugh harder. "What is so funny?"
"Nothing," Dawn tried to stop laughing, "Really; it's just a little odd that your boyfriend has a 'the' in his name."
"He's not my boyfriend," Buffy shot back, quickly.
"No," Faith put on a fake Italian accent, "He's her lova."
The blonde slayer suppressed a laugh of her own and shook her head, "You know what? Make fun; I don't care."
"Aw, we're just teasing," Dawn said, "He's a great guy…and he's got abs for days."
"Well, now, that's not so amazing for our little Buffy. All her corpses have had great bods," Faith smirked.
"Oh, go ahead. Laugh now, but it won't be so funny when I call Angel and tell him you called him that," Buffy responded to their continuing laughter. Both of them stopped dead in their tracks and simply stared at Buffy, eyebrows raised high in disbelief. "What?…Stop looking at me like that. I will. And he's gonna use all his super evil law firm powers to come here all kill you both."
"Ah, yes, I'm sure he will," Faith assured her, "But are you positively sure you can initiate conversation with Angel without Hell freezing over?"
"Oh!" she gasped in response, "I talk to Angel!"
"On the computer."
"Well, he's busy. That's faster," Buffy tried.
"It's faster?" Dawn rose her eyebrows again in disbelief.
There was a knock on the door, and Buffy moved to open it while she retorted, "Well, it's a hell of a lot faster than one of us hoping a jet and flying across the world to have a face to--" As she opened the door, she suddenly recognized the two figures standing shoulder to shoulder staring at her with blank faces. "--face."
"Buffy," Angel took in her tanned, fit appearance and swallowed hard.
"A-Angel," Buffy responded, eyes wide. She looked to his left, "…And Spike."
Spike gave her a gentle smirk, "'Allo, ducks."
Buffy's brow furrowed in confusion, "Aren't you…"
"Yeah," Spike sighed, "There was this whole thing with that amulet we used back in Sunnydale. It was mailed to this certain evil law firm, was opened and there I was. There was a short time when yours truly was actually incorporeal for one reason or another, which is why I hadn't come sooner, but then, once I was corporeal, a certain asshole refused to tell me where you could be, and, you know, it's a pretty big world out there. …So I figured I should just, you know, wait."
Buffy starred at him for a moment, her face frozen, then she shook her head, "No, I knew all that. I got the memo…like, literally."
Spike froze, then slowly turned towards his Grand Sire with the glare of all glares.
"By the way," Buffy continued to Angel, "That was a nice looking letterhead; did you design that?"
"So," Spike held up a hand, stopping Angel from answering, "You knew that I was back, and you just…accepted that?"
"Should I not have accepted it?" Buffy rose an eyebrow at him.
"You could have done something! I mean, jeez, Slayer, you tell me that you love me, and then I die for you and your stupid race, and then I come back from the dead and you don't have the decency to give me a quick, 'Hello'?"
"Um, can--can we come in?" Angel quickly changed the subject.
"Uh, yes!" Buffy nodded enthusiastically, "Please, come in."
Angel stepped into the apartment and looked around, "Nice place you have here."
"Thanks, yeah, when Giles took over the council he inherited all Travers's money and stuff, so, we can pretty much live like queens," she smiled, then realized Spike hadn't come in. "Oh, sorry, Spike, I meant that invitation for both of you."
"Yes, I know," Spike spat, "But you know what? I'm not so sure I want to come in to your stupid, known-about-Spike-the-whole-time apartment."
"Oh, well, if that's how you feel," Angel shrugged and slammed Buffy's door in the blonde's face.
"Hey, Buffy, who was at the…" Dawn made her way into the foyer and then stopped dead in her tracks. "Angel."
"Hi, Dawn," Angel gulped at the sight of the Slayer's sister--all grown up. "You've…matured."
Dawn rose her eyebrows at this, then smirked and said, "Well, I guess you've matured, too."
Just then the door swung open and Spike stomped in, "Alright, Slayer, I've chosen to forgive you."
"Spike!" Dawn shrieked, immediately turning back into her adolescent-self as she flung herself into a hug with the vampire.
It took Spike a moment to realize who was hugging him, but as soon as he did, he smiled and hugged her back, "Hey, there, little bit."
"Hi!" Dawn pulled away from the hug and looked at Spike in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"
"I was just getting to that," Buffy said, then looked towards Angel, "What exactly are you doing here?"
"We're here on business," Angel nodded, then looked to Spike, "Well, I'm here on business."
"So, hey, what's the deal? One second I'm having the time of my life dissecting every fragment of Buffy's and then I'm totally alone…" Faith came in and instantly met Angel's eyes, then moved to see Spike also in their apartment. "Well, hello, strangers."
"Faith," Angel looked at her, surprised. "You live here?"
"I do," she nodded, "You live here?"
"I'm here on business."
"Oh, right," she nodded, "I'm sure that evil law firm you got keeps you real busy."
"That it does, pet," Spike butt in, "All the time, he's just up to the evilest of evil things." He cast a look Buffy's way.
"That-that's not true," Angel insisted, "We're doing a lot of good there. I mean, it takes time to turn an institution like that completely around, but we are making progress."
Faith smiled at Angel, "Hey, chill, Angel. It's all good. We know the whole story; I'm just messing with you."
Angel waited a moment, taking in where Faith lived and who Faith lived with, then smiled at her, "It's good to see you."
"Good to see you, too, big guy," she smiled back.
"So, uh, okay," Buffy said nervously, "Why don't you guys sit and…uh…I don't have any blood. Want beer?"
"Sure, that sounds--" Spike started to say.
"Beer?" Angel asked. "Why do you have beer?"
"I, well," she looked up into Angel's gaze and suddenly felt like she was seventeen again, "It, uh, it's--Faith! Faith bought it. She, you know, she's a crazy bad ass, that Faith, with her…beer," she nodded enthusiastically, then added, "It's definitely not mine!"
"How about water," Dawn suggested, helpfully, "Everyone okay with water?"
Angel and Spike nodded.
"Okay, then, we'll go get that," Dawn pulled on Buffy's arm. "You guys just sit."
"Yes, please, sit," Buffy smiled at them, "Make yourselves at home."
Faith sat down in a big black leather chair, while Angel and Spike sat at opposite ends of the matching couch. After a few moments of awkward silence, Faith turned to Angel and asked, "So, what's with the jacket?"
