A/N: TRIGGER WARNING This will talk about verbal and physical abuse, there will be marital rape that is.. Not explicit, but read at your own risk. There are line breaks before and after each tangible mention of it if you wish to skip it. This fic will not be updated regularly, but rest assured I always have it at the back of my mind. as always, R&R I love knowing what you think.


Iridescence: the property of an object's color that changes based on perspective change, and the shifting balance of light and dark.

Everyone heard the Queen's screams echoing through the corridors that night. She always screamed in the night, it was routine now. The servants stopped sleeping in the rooms in the Queen's wing. King Leopold and his daughter slept in rooms on the other side of the castle. They never heard a peep in the night.

Belle, the Queen's most recent maid had expected to hear the normal sobs and then the labored breathing of a troubled sleeper. However, the sound that met her ears was even more worrying. The Queen's door slammed shut and the young woman was gone before Belle could do more than sit up in surprise and scream, "Guards!"


Oh God, I feel disgusting. I folded my arms around my chest as I ran, feeling like I was containing a toxic pool of waste. The quiet night was shattered by my panting breaths and the snap of sticks under my feet. I could still feel his hands on my arms, bruising me. I dug my fingers into my skin, too lost in the pain to realize I was drawing blood.

I ran until my feet bled, wishing to rip off my befouled skin. I wanted the pain to end, but it was the only thing I could feel. It kept me sane. It reminded me that he was far far away slumbering in his filthy castle with his wretched daughter.

A dark figure jumped down from a tree right in front of me. I threw my hands up with a shriek and stepped on the hem of my dress, tumbling into a heap at the feet of the tall stranger. "What are you doing here m'lady? The woods aren't safe at night." The stranger's voice seemed so strange, too light to be a man's, and yet it had a raspy husk to it that one would not expect from a woman.

I scrambled to my feet and ran a different direction, reacting only on instinct. A tiny voice in my head that sounded too much like my mother whispered that I would have to go back. It drove me further. "Hey!" The stranger yelled, sounding too close for comfort. I ripped my way through the foliage, tearing my dress to shreds and earning cuts all over my arms and legs. "Hey come back here! No no no!" Her panicked shouts came too late. I looked over my shoulder to see where she was and my stomach plummeted.

I stepped into the air and my body followed blindly. I tumbled into the air. Images swirled before my eyes as I tried to understand what was going. That screaming in my ear is my own? I flailed my arms and legs trying to catch them on something as I kept falling. My foot caught on something and my face smashed into something. Blackness.

A rough hand wrapped around my arm, holding me down as something wet drew across my neck. The bed dipped beside me and panic set my heart to racing in my chest. It pounded against my ribs for freedom from this horror. Not again. Air raced through my throat, tearing at the sensitive flesh and ripping at it like a silent scream. I couldn't even open my eyes to face him. I had learned so many times not to fight, each punishment worse than the next, but when he pulled the strings of my bodice loose I screamed and flailed.

His weight settled on my stomach and he grabbed both of my arms so I couldn't hurt him. I only struggled harder, rolling to the side. He fell with a huff off the side of the bed, and I was on top of him. I wrapped one hand around his throat, and raised the other, a fireball growing in my palm as I stared down at my assaulter

A blonde woman stared up at me, her mouth open in shock and her hands raised in surrender. What? Where was Leopold? I looked around the sparse room for some kind of attack to be coming from the side, or behind but we were alone. "Wh-what is this? Where am I?" The fireball faded in my grip and I almost sobbed, trying to get it back. My first working fireball and it hadn't come at nearly the right time.

"Are you going to kill me still?" She asked warily. She hadn't answered my question. I needed to know if Leopold was going to take me in punishment. If he didn't my mother would soon enough. I tried not to shudder.

"Tell me where I am." I tightened my grip on her throat.

"You're in the forest!" She blurted out, trying to placate me. I could see it in the panic in her eyes. Her arms were so muscular I could not imagine why she didn't fight me off.

Maybe my eyes deceived me… What is that? My eyes widened. I released her from my shaky grip and staggered back. "Who are you? Tell me your name!" It couldn't be.

"Emma." She rasped, sitting up and rubbing her throat. Emma coughed once or twice, "I didn't mean to scare you." The woman gestured at the bowl of pink water and the multitude of washcloths hanging off the edge, "I was just trying to clean you up after that little fall of yours."

I blinked, her response was so innocent. It was hard to imagine she would do anything else. "Oh, Oh I am so sorry." I removed myself from her lap and tried to not look like a complete buffoon. It was hard to manage considering I had just tried to murder my savior.

"No, no it's fine. I would have done the same thing in your position. Don't apologize m'lady." She rasped, rubbing her throat to soothe the ache.

"Please let me help you with that. I know how painful it is." I blurted, removing her hand gently.

She shot me a suspicious look and stood up, "I am fine m'lady. Since you're feeling better, why don't you come out, the stew should be hot by now." She stepped out of the cozy wooden ledge leaving me more than a little confused. Why is she behaving this way?


I accepted a bowl of stew from the stran- Emma. I tried to smile at her but it turned into a grimace as I split open the cut on my lip yet again. It seems the ravine I tumbled into was rather notorious for it's sharp objects. "Thank you Emma." I had been trying to apologize for my actions, but this stubborn woman would have nothing of it. So I have resorted to the kind of courtesy I only really ever showed to my father.

She shrugged it off and sat beside me with her own bowl. "You're lucky you know that? You could have died. What were you even thinking?" She was actually curious, and perhaps a tad concerned for my welfare. It's touching to have someone actually care for you as a human being instead of an investment. Her voice held none of the judgement I had come to expect in a cordial exchange.

"I wasn't." I sighed, fiddling with my spoon. I couldn't look her in the eyes. I had acted rashly with no thought of consequence simply because of a bad dream. I had endangered myself and this woman over nothing. What self-respecting woman runs off into the night because of a nightmare?

She gripped my chin lightly and forced me to look up. "What were you running from majesty?" Trembling I realized that this was the first caring, gentle touch I had experienced since…

I ripped myself from her grasp and put up the wall that I had built. Regal aloofness to hide my pain from those who would exploit it. I have no idea who this woman is or what she is doing in these woods. She may be another brigand looking for a free meal. I stood, leaving the untouched stew on the ground and replied, "It's time for me to return." I turned towards the shack she had tended me in. I made sure to kick over the bowl. Maybe if this emma hated me I wouldn't return. She wouldn't come with me. She would be safe.

"Home." She murmured.

"I'm sorry?" I glanced back at her and immediately regretted the action. Emma bent down to pick up the stew and placed it on my chair with the strangest expression of sadness?

Pain flickered in her eyes as she sat upright, and she stared me down, daring me to defy her correction. "You forgot to say home. You're returning home m'lady."

I swallowed. Controlling the tremble in my voice I replied, "Emma I have no home, only a duty."


Her eyes burned at the back of my neck. Emma brought me back to the edge of the forest/ Call me foolish. I imagined she watched me leave the woods and I couldn't help but feel safer thinking that she cared. Thinking that she would protect me. Eventually reality set in and I could not pretend her eyes would remain on me any longer. The moment her gaze left me, fear as palpable as any prison settled on my shoulders. I began to shake once more.

Why do I have to be so weak? Why can't I be strong like her? Emma is strong enough to take care of herself and visitors too. If I had been stronger, Daniel would never have died. I squared my shoulders as I faced the home of my captor, my husband once more. I deserve this.

As soon as the guards spotted me a mounted squad was sent out to meet me. They brought with them an extra steed, for me. No one would have told them my distaste for the beasts. One man dismounted to help me into the saddle like any proper lady would require. I shook my head. Pathetic I may be, but I shall not be hoisted onto a horse like some sack of grain. I was born riding horses, I would never dishonor my father's gift of time and training simply for a moment of ease.

I set my foot in the stirrup and they averted their eyes. Of course my petticoats would be showing but honestly I am in my dressing gown, modesty is an issue that does not bear consideration. No one saw the grace with which I mounted the animal, nor the expert way I rode. All looked down as I passed. Afraid of the reclusive woman that the king had married. Indeed the only people in this kingdom not afraid of me were Snow, Leopold, and now Emma.

It is hard. Being on a horse again. Without anyone watching me, looking for the smile they always put on my face. Without fail, horses had remained my happy place throughout my childhood. It used to be freeing, I would laugh all the day long without a care for who saw it. Mother had even complimented me on how attractive I was astride a horse. Of course she soured it with the comment that she should bring all my suitors to the stables.

Now no one looks. Horses are an illusion of freedom that always return me to that hell of my own mother's design. If only, just for a moment, I could be beautiful to someone. Not as a conquest, or however it is that my husband sees me, but as a woman, young and strong. I want to be loved and wanted for just a moment. If only I had known or realized how close my imaginings were to the truth. If only, I had known that Emma followed me, past the forest's edge, all the way into the village. All with the intention of keeping me safe.

It would have made those weeks after the castle doors closed that much better.


Without pause to make myself presentable, I was ushered in to the King. He was pacing upon his golden pedestal while his clueless daughter watched silently. My mother, as always was hidden in the background mirroring Leopold's with the same contained rage. Snow as the first to spot me jumped to her feet. Good Lord the pure joy on her face turned my stomach. "Stepmother!" She cried, racing to embrace me.

Leopold snapped around to glare at me, "regina where have you been?" He held an arm out to halt his daughter's no doubt enthusiastic greeting. "Not now my sweet. All of you, leave us." He snarled. The rough tenor of his voice left me in no doubt as to what he planned. "My *wife* andI need to converse." I fought the urge to vomit with all my being. Weakness would only encourage him.

Snow slipped around his arm and skipped past me with a flutter of her fingers in farewell. My hands clenched of their own accord, and I nodded to her. Speaking through bile and gritted teeth does not befit a lady. Leopold also dismounted his stage to examine me further. I closed my eyes and allowed it for that is my duty. However, just knowing that his gaze would travel over every cut, bruise and scrap of fabric made me want to hide.

He had already seen every inch of my naked body that he cared to, as was his right, but this… This sick examination for the inciting of, thoughts. Somehow it is worse. Perhaps because the last examination I had undertake at the hands of another was so much more warranted, and pleasing. Emma would never treat me like a piece of meat to be graded. Goodness why would the blonde be on my mind? She should be the furthest thing from my thoughts.

His filthy invading fingers wrapped around my chin as soon as we were alone and he lifted my gaze from the floor to meet his own sadistic one. "It has been too long wife, obviously I have neglected you. When you have bathed wait for me in my quarters. I shall attend to you there." He chuckled. Each endearment from this reptile felt as a physical blow. I knew I would never be a wife to him, so why keep up this pathetic excuse for a facade? Obviously for his precious child. I nodded, my tongue too thick to form words. He always did prefer me silent during our meetings.

Leopold was not gentle with me that night, nor ever. I did not go to his bedroom right away. Servants ushered me away to cleanse my skin from my little tumble, and the hike home. They scrubbed me until my skin became pale and pristine yet then was I escorted to his chambers. My hands started to shake as I was reminded of our wedding night. his guards had competed to see who would receive the 'honor' of witnessing the consummation of our 'love'. They had urged him on, encouraged my husband to take out his anger on 'that imposter bitch'. I had dreamt of my wedding night since I was old enough to understand. Now it is only a terror that haunts me each night. God if only I had never wed, if only I had died a child.

The king treated me as chattel. The moment my servants were gone he sneered insults at me. He ripped my gown off swiftly enough that I cried out in pain before he silenced me with a slap. "Get on the bed whore." He demanded. Leopold always demanded. His kindly demeanor is always left at the door. He weighed me down with his body as soon as I laid down. Every night I questioned the decision, but the results would always be the same whether I obey or not. Leopold used me for his pleasure, destroyed what esteem I had recovered. He tore at my soul with words of how I could never be a wife. I would never hold up to his wife's memories. I could not even make a proper whore for him.

Finally when he had gotten his fill of me, he had me removed from his room, bleeding, naked, dripping horrifying liquids across the marble. I stood shivering and sobbing. the numbness inside my chest spread even further with each night in my husband's bed, but it never halted the tears. Belle met me here within moments with a sheet and wrapped it around my shoulders. I tried to stop sobbing, tried to tell myself that Leopold won.

It didn't help. I had been dead too long. The flow eventually stopped and what little feeling I had left was torn from me. Falling asleep like that should have been terrifying. My husband haunts my every thought and dream, but Belle stayed. She is too sweet for her own good. She rubbed my back the way a mother would, the way a mother should. the unfamiliar tune she hummed lured me closer to sleep with each bar. If I close my eyes, then I pretend that the handis rougher. The voice is lower, without meaning to, I dreamt of green eyes watching me all night.


All week, every night I was used and tossed aside like cook's old lamb bones. Leopold's punishment for running away. Strangely it did hurt as it had previously. The numbness spread further with each encounter despite Leopold working harder than ever to make it unpleasant for me. Rather quickly he tired of the exertion and I was left in peace for a short while.

Mother on the other hand is never so easily sated. I retired to my own room for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. I was greeted with a slap to the face. The back of Cora's hand had never been so painful as when she wore her wedding ring. The rock atop it ripped away the scabbing on my lip, opening it anew to the burning air.

I clapped my hand to my mouth and gasped, staring at her in silent confusion. Finally my mind caught up with my body enough to reply, "Good morning mother. It is so nice of you to visit." Back straight, hands at my side I greeted her as an equal. I'm numb. She cannot hurt me. I will be numb.

Her hands fisted and mother's eyes spoke far more of her rage than her voice. "You ungrateful little chit. What did you think you were doing? You could have ruined everything." Cora caressed my cheek in a semblance of love that curdled my stomach. This monster knows nothing of love. Not like Emma. "After all I have given you, after all I have done for you, you still fight me Regina. Why can't you just be obedient?" She stared me down, her fingernails still resting on my cheek as she waited for my answer. If she had not told me herself of her lost heart, I would have known it now. Her gaze held no love, no passion, only anger and greed.

I took a deep breath and replied in the only way I knew how. "I don't know mother why don't you love me?" I steeled myself for her wrath. I do not know where this flippant attitude came from, but for now I will be grateful. I have never seen Cora's face turn purple. It's quite a sight.

The violet hue was gone almost as quickly it had disappeared, but I could see the throbbing vein upon her temples, and the muscles clenching at her jaw. Cora stroked my cheek, and brushed my hair out of my face, smiling with the kind of tenderness that never could quite reach her eyes. "I try Regina,. I do try to love you." Her voice was sickly sweet, and despite my promise to be numb I could feel the wave of pain. She wasn't finished. Cora always had the last word, the last bone crushing thrust to murder her opponent. "But you are such a disappointment darling. How could any mother love a pebble in her shoe?" She sighed, but I could see the pleasure in her eyes as the horror on my features. She was just as much an expert at reading people as I am.

Though my lips trembled, I raised an eyebrow at my mother and murmured, "Perhaps it is you that is disappointing. You never will be queen." Mother's rage twisted face dissipated into burgundy smoke before I could gloat in my victory.

As soon as her presence was gone, all that I had done collapsed upon me, crushing me into a tiny worthless piece of rag. I collapsed into my bed. Sobs threatened to tear their way through my throat as tears streamed down my cheeks. Why am i so weak? How could I allow myself to become like here even a little bit? I can't even enjoy my victory. I stooped to my mother's level. She has won again. Mother and I are waging a war, what kind of family does that? Father's already been a casualty of mother's scheming, what about me? How long will it take before I become just like her? Manipulative. Unfeeling. Evil.

Tears flowed down my face, reminding me of my pain with each salty drop trickling into the bleeding cut on my lip. What is the point of living a life that only ends in my transformation to the very thing I hate the most? If I hadn't promised… If Daniel hadn't made me promise to live I would join him. No one would be hurt by my death except Snow and I owe the brat some anguish. I owe her for the agony that she has made me suffer. Maybe, maybe that is why I am forced to live. Maybe I can find peace in balancing the scales.


(Emma's POV)

I pushed the front door open and dropped my kill bag just outside the door, "Ma! I'm home!" I called out. Upstairs the crash of furniture announced her approach. Dad should still be in the fields with the sheep. So of course mom is bored out of her gourd. Last I heard, her newest hobby has been selling bird homes in the market. Hand-made of course. Mom doesn't really ever do anything half-way.

Mom came crashing down the stairs and caught herself on the banister at the bottom. "Emma!" She exclaimed. As if someone else would call her ma, or announce their presence. She did frown at me, "Tell me you haven't been out poaching with that Killian. It's just not respectable Emma."

I rolled my eyes and swept her up into a hug. "No mom I was poaching alone for your information. Well, mostly." m'lady had technically been there while I was hunting.

Ma accepted my hug right up until I qualified my statement. She pulled back and searched for falsehood.I wasn't the best of kids and as aggravating as it was, she did have a right to be concerned by me saying mostly. It really isn't proper for a woman of my age to be alone, but honestly I can take better care of myself than Dad can. "Mostly? What does that mean?" I tried to think of a good way to answer, but mom got impatient. She gave me that mom look that says you're in big trouble and said my name like it was a warning.

Wow, what a drama queen. You'd think I had just told her of my wish to become a barmaid for the rest of my life. "You're always jumping to conclusions. A lady found herself running in a panic through my territory. I took it upon myself to inform her of her error and she fell into Laird's ravine." Ma interrupted with a gasp of 'Oh Emma!' then nodded for me to continue. "I took an extra day to nurse her back, then saw her safely home. See? Nothing bad." Ma was staring at me so intently I actually started to blush like an utter fool.

"A lady hmm?" Ma raised her eyebrow, "Now what lady did you take home that lives so close? You wouldn't be pulling the wool over my eyes again would you Emma?" She folded her arms over her chest and I guess I can't blame her for being skeptical. Poor ma went through hell and back trying to keep track of me during my teen years. It seems I take more from my dad's side with al the farmers. More than ma's noble men and women. She's taken pretty well to the life of a farmer's wife, but she doesn't belong here. She was born to a higher station and it really shows. Like with her protecting my virtue like she's saving me for my cranky-ass future husband or something. And I would give anything to give her that life, but.. Maybe not anything, I don't want some stupid noble with a tree up his ass to keep his back straight, and an acorn for a brain. I'm pretty sure I would have to hurt something if that happened.

Getting back to her question, I pointed in the direction of the king's castle. "Just up the hill ma, I figured she was a guest of King Leopold's or something." Of course you have to wonder about his hospitality if she was scared shitless by something there. Or maybe it's him. He never does come out anymore, the king has changed from the jollyman I used to see parading about with his wife and child. He has this, something about him that makes my skin crawl like when people lie to me but worse. It seems to ooze from his skin the way Killian oozes rum and shameless women.

Ma set a hand on my forehead, checking my temperature, "Emma the king hasn't had any visitors since he remarried. Are you sure she's a lady? Describe her."

I jerked back and snapped, "Beautiful. She wore a pale blue brocade dressing gown like she'd never worn anything else, does that sound like some lying servant to you? I knew she was a lady on sight, she never said it for herself. She carries herself like she knows that others were born to bow to her. She was strong even scared, her hair is ebony plaited in a crown around her head. She's definitely not from here either. Her skin isn't sheet pale or ruddy. It's a golden olive that glows in the moonlight." Oh shit too detailed. Calm down on the lovey reproduction there. She's gonna know. "I'm not lying or sick ma. Why is this so crazy?" I really wanted to know just what made this sound so crazy to my mom that she questioned my account. It's not really all that weird meeting a lost noble in the woods. The Forest is full of all kinds, not even meeting princesses is outlandish.

Ma bit her lip and caressed my cheek, "Emma honey, my little swan, that wasn't a noble. That was the queen." Oh. Oh shit.