"A million love songs later, and here I am trying to tell you that I care."

Have you ever really, really wanted to say something, but not been able to get it out your mouth?

That's how Tony felt. Every time he tried to say it but he just, couldn't. It scared him, those words, those three words that he so desperately wanted to come out of his mouth.

But they didn't come. They just didn't.

"I love you, Tony". Steve would whisper every night before they went to sleep, and Tony would lie in silence, practically gasping for air, as he tried to reciprocate the sentiment. But no, no he couldn't, because I love you would somehow turn into I failed you. It had happened before and it would happen again, he knew it.

"I'm sorry" He would whisper and Steve would tell him it was ok, he could wait.

And the day came when Steve didn't say it, and Tony thought he was going to die the pain was so bad. He lay there, waiting in the silence, waiting for something to happen, anything. Steve was holding him close but he couldn't feel it, couldn't feel anything except pain, pain, pain.

I love you had turned into I failed you and he hadn't even said.

He caught Steve watching other couples as they walked through parks, he saw the sad, disappointed look that flickered over his face.

He had failed, again, but he kept hanging on, pretending things were ok. He wanted to be with Steve more than life itself. So he kept going, kept trying.

oooOOOooo

Risks, risks, risks – why, why, why.

He's lying in the street on his back; he can feel blood leaking out his body-

"Steve-" He gasps down the com, "Steve- I need you". There's a little click at the other end and Steve's calm voice come through the com- "I'm coming Tony, I'm on my way- just stay"

He can't exactly move, so he stays and hears his own breathing- and is that an ambulance?

"Tony? You with me?"

"Steve…."

"I'm here- I'm here tony- please, stay, please… the ambulance his here…"
"Steve." Tony reaches out and grabs his partner's hand.

"Steve, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't say it-"

"Shh… It's ok"

"No, it's not because I do, I do love you…" he chokes "I do. It's too late now- I know, I love you Steve"

"Tony, you don't have to-"

"Shut up, Steve. I love you and I intend to keep loving you until I die, which might be soon-"

"Tony no-"

"I'm sorry, baby. I love you…"

oooOOOooo

Curled up in bed, Tony tucks his head under his partner's neck.

"Steve?"

"Mhm?"

"I love you."