This story is based on the Led Zepplin song "Goin' to California." Chapter titles are lines from the song.

Olivia Benson surveyed the carnage that was once her apartment before taking a swig from the bottle that has been her companion lately more than she'd like to admit. Her relationship with Alex, if that's what you could call it, seemed to propel her need for alcohol.

Both women knew they were destroying each other, and neither knew or even cared how to stop it. They were caught in a vicious cycle of love, fight, hit and hurt, sleep around and come back together only to repeat the cycle once again.

Across the room Alex stared at her reflection in a glass of amber liquid, remembering the first time she had a black eye, not surprisingly at the hands of Olivia and conversely the first time the brunette received a black eye courtesy of the blonde.

Alex glanced across the room at her sometime lover and winced at the swollen and cut lip she'd given the brunette. Her eyes darted away as Olivia caught her starring and the brunette did her own version of a wince at the angry red marks around Alex's neck.

Neither woman acknowledged even to themselves the torn remnants of clothing the other wore. For Olivia, her outermost shirt was torn down the front and her tight fitting t-shirt underneath was now speckled with blood from Alex's nose and her own lip.

Alex, dressed up for Trevor Langan in a red fuck me dress, had quit trying to get the now torn strap to stay in place. She knew that if she looked on the floor she'd find a trail of red sequins along with her torn panties and Olivia's boy shorts. She'd also find tufts of brown and blonde hair if she cared to look.

Alex downed her drink and set the glass on the coffee table, jumping as it collapsed. Across from her Olivia couldn't help but snort. Alex paused and then joined in the laughter.

"I'm sorry about that Olivia."

The brunette waved her comment off. "I needed a new one anyway." She took another swig from the bottle. "Why did you sleep with Trevor?"

"I didn't." At Olivia's disbelieving look she ducked her head. "Ok, so I planned on sleeping with him tonight, but Olivia, you told me to go find some blue blood dick." She straightened up. "So I did."

Olivia mumbled under her breath.

"What did you say?"

She cleared her throat. "I said I didn't mean it. I've never meant it Alex. Every time you sleep with somebody else or I sleep with somebody else it hurts me."

Alex cocked her head. "Then why do you say all those things Olivia?"

Olivia had tears in her eyes. "Probably for the same reason you hit me." She leaned forward, the tears now spilling down her cheeks. "I love you Alex."

"And I love you Olivia, but we're dangerous together. What we do to each other is dangerous. One day we're going to end up seriously hurting each other."

Olivia wiped her nose and nodded. "I know. I'd rather die than hurt you Alex."

Alex got up and made her way to the brunette. "We can't go on like this Olivia."

"I know." She stood and gently kissed Alex on the lips. "So what do we do?"

Now Alex had tears flowing down her face. "We don't do this any more Olivia. Not now and not for a long while."

They hugged briefly, each wanting to cling to the other for a long time.

"Do you want a ride home?"

Alex shook her head and scooped up her shoes, putting them on. "If you'll call me a cab?"

While Olivia was making the call, she slipped out the door and out of the brunette's life. Olivia hurried to the window and watched the disheveled blonde disappear into the yellow cab.

The cabbie glanced at Alex in the rear view mirror and did a double take.

"Lady, you all right?"

Alex caught his eyes in the mirror and nodded. "I'll be fine." We'll be fine.