A/N: This fic is co written with my best friend bonniebelle1107. We write well together and freakishly finish each other's sentences. We hope you enjoy our first collaboration on a Twilight fic. Reviews are welcome and encouraged.
Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?...Edward speaking of Romeo
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke the words slowly and precisely, I focused on Bella's face as I tried to gauge her reaction. I knew that she would be hurt but this was for her own good. She stood silently as if she hadn't grasped the meaning of my words.
"You...don't...want me?" Her words were stuttered as the pain flashed forth from her eyes. I braced myself to be cold and unforgiving as I dealt the final blow to my beloved Bella. In time I hoped that she would forgive me.
"No."
The moment that word left my lips I knew it was over. I saw Bella stiffen but I resolved myself to my decision. I couldn't...wouldn't allow her to see that I was lying. She searched my eyes for some sign, any sign that I didn't mean what I said. I could tell by the look on her face that my ruse was working.
"Well, that changes things." She said calmly still trying to comprehend what this meant for us and for our now non-existant future. I looked away into the forest unable to face her pain. "Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I turned to face her again. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."
"Don't" She spoke barely above a whisper. I could tell by watching her that the full meaning of my words was finally sinking in. The pain on her face was almost more than I could bear. "Don't do this." I looked at her and said nothing searching her eyes for understanding and for a brief moment the realization flashed in her eyes.
"You're not good for me , Bella" I lied, smoothly. Knowing the pain this would cause her as she always had issues about being worthy of my love. She opened her mouth as if to speak but remained silent. I stood there just waiting, praying for this agony to end and finally she spoke.
"If...that is what you want." At this moment I couldn't bear the lie. I longed to pull her into my arms and kiss the pain away but this was for the best. I had to make her fall out of love with me. I could do nothing but nod in agreement. She stood there frozen, numb. Stupidly I felt the need to impose a condition on her as if I had the right.
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much." Briefly I allowed my pain to flicker across my face and she noticed but I quickly composed myself, awaiting her response. Still speaking barely above a whisper she answers me, "Anything."
I gazed hard into her eyes, losing myself in the moment, trying desperately to keep myself composed enough to do what was necessary, what I had to do to save her. Save her from the danger of loving me. I broke the gaze, afraid to look longer for fear that she would see my deception.
"Don't do anything recklass or stupid," I demanded, my eyes felt frozen, hard. She didn't answer. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
She nodded, standing there broken. The pain evident. I distanced myself from her. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself--for him."
She shook her head again in agreement and whispered, "I will."
I felt relieved somewhat that she would hold fast to this promise and I felt inclined to make a promise to her. "And I'll make you a promise in return, I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. i won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."
She appeared unsteady on her feet, on the verge of collapse. I felt the need to lighten the situation, reassure her in some way. I smiled at her gently. "Don't worry. You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." She could barely speak through her pain and that tore a hole in what should have been my heart. But I don't have a heart and what I was doing to Bella is proof of that. She looked at me and spoke haltingly, "And your memories?"
My thoughts were painful now and I hesitated to respond. "Well-I won't forget. But my kind...we're very easily distracted." I smiled to attempt to deflect my lie. Nothing could take away my memories, my love for Bella. But if I could make it easier for her by allowing her to believe that then that is what I had to do. I stepped back from her, creating a precious distance to allow myself more control. I felt the need to leave before I failed in my mission.
"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." Her surprise at my statement was obvious. She glanced downward, eyes to the ground. "Alice isn't coming back"
I shook my head, "No. they're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."
"Alice is gone?" Her voice was resound with disbelief. I knew how much Alice meant to her and I felt the need to reassure her that Alice felt the same way. "She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I recalled how Alice argued with me, hurt that I denied her a final goodbye to her friend. A friend that made her feel almost human again. She loved Bella as a sister. I feared she would never forgive me for not allowing her to say goodbye. I snapped back into reality. I watched Bella as she started to spin out of control. She looked as though she was about to collapse and I couldn't bear any more of this pain.
"Goodbye, Bella"
"Wait!" She cried out as she reached for me. I knew that if she came to me I would be unable to deny her. I couldn't...I wouldn't allow it. I reached out and grasped her warm wrists in my icy hands. I reveled in her warmth and I tried to imprint the memory of her skin into my very being. Knowing that this is the last time I would touch my beloved Bella. I couldn't resist giving her one last kiss. I leaned down and barely kissed her forehead. Feeling her warm skin against mine was torture. I closed my eyes and drank in her sweet scent. I pulled back, "Take care of yourself" This is unbearable and unfair. But I would do anything to save her even if that meant giving her up. I turned and left her standing there with her eyes closed.
"Edward!! No!!" Her thoughts slammed my mind with such force that I nearly stumbled and fell. I glanced back and she still stood there in shock and no words were spoken. It was then that I realized that I had been allowed access to her thoughts. The one thing that I desperately wanted all this time was now in my grasp. Oh the torture, I didn't want to hear her thoughts now. My mind flashed over with the images of her pain. She was reliving her past in an attempt to protect herself from the destruction I imposed upon her. I turned to look at her one last time. She opened her eyes and instantly locked onto mine. She didn't speak but in my mind I heard with such pain, "Goodbye Edward. I will love you forever." This was unbearable. I ran and I ran trying to distance myself from her, from hearing her thoughts. I ran blindly into the darkness until her thoughts were just a whisper.
It was then that I realized where I was...our meadow. God, the pain would never end. I would never be able to escape our love, my Bella. I had to do something, I had to erase all traces of myself from Bella's life. I knew what had to be done. I raced to her house. Charlie wasn't home which would make it easier. I entered her room silently. I scanned the room and began picking up anything that would remind her of me. I opened her CD player where I knew I would find the CD I had given her. I gingerly removed it and slipped it in my pocket. Her scrapbook lay on the floor as she left it. I opened it, not surprised to find our picture. I traced the image of her tenderly with my finger. "I'm so sorry Bella," I took out the photo and put it with the CD.
For a moment I allowed myself to lay in her bed. The bed we had shared many a night in each other's arms. Her scent heavily permeated the sheets. I held the pillow and squeezed it tight. I must go. I looked around the room trying to burn the memory. I couldn't take Bella's things. I couldn't do it. I pulled up a loose floorboard and placed everything there. A part of me hoping that Bella would discover it. As I turned to leave I saw her scarf hanging from a chair. I pulled it to my face, drinking in the sweetness of her scent. I tucked it in my pocket. A memory of my love.
I had to see Carlisle. I needed to talk to him right away. I scrawled a note to Charlie so that he could find Bella. I knew that she would never make it home on her own. Not after what I had put her through. I took one last look around the house. "Goodbye my love."
I set out to rejoin my family as I left my life in Forks behind.
