For Foxy. Inspired by her entertainingly funny "The Prince and The Pirate", this is the angsty counterpart of the story. A personal challenge.
Warning: This is gay, this is angsty, this is fluffy, melodramatic and insufferably out of character. But, I'm torturing myself trying to make this story mildly believable. But, at the very least, I promise this is going to be a complete story. If you are comfortable with male to male romance I invite you to follow this and see if you like it. You can't say I didn't warn you.
M is just for implicit material. So no, no explicit sex scene.
M is just for warning the prudes and hardcore fans. Ironically, slash stories are rare in Ugly Betty fanfiction.
Enough excuses. These are my first lines:
Chapter I
LUST
If I could kiss you now
Oh… I'd kiss you now again and again
"Where you end" by Moby
A smile formed instantly in his mouth, just as the memories started flooding into his head: the musky smell of long black hair… his own whisper against an ear… the tight leather pants… the chocolate eyes staring at him intently… it had felt as if everything has just been nothing but a game, the same sex game he had been known to play all his life.
He bit his lower lip. At first, he had admitted to himself, the whole thing had seemed kind of comical, almost surreal… like a weird dream: the ridiculous customs, the sudden passion, the laughs, the improvisation, the wiry touch of skin against his own… a crazy joke he could store in his mind and never speak about it. But it hasn't been a dream. It had happened, it had been real and his body had shameless marks that spoke for themselves.
His lips formed a line. His first time, the confusion, the alcohol in his veins, the bodies free to do as they pleased, the roughness and the passion: it had been an adventure like those that are carelessly written with ink of experience in the pages of every man's life, a folly of youth that is easily forgotten. But this had gotten out of control, costing him a relationship he had valued and treasured throughout the years, with a person far too important for him.
He frowned.
He found himself wishing it never happened. And yet he wished…
He opened his eyes and looked down. It really had turned into a problem. And Daniel Meade hated problems.
"I don't think this is going to work" he said, gently patting her in the head.
"I'll make it work" a voice responded from below.
"No really. I don't think so…"
Her clear green eyes shot at him, defiantly, "I can."
Daniel pulled back and sat on the corner of the bed.
"Not this time. I'm sorry."
The woman stood up and her angelic eyes had turned on fire.
"You... you... asshole! I could have gone with Becks..."
A tall white blonde from the office. A model. Shallow. Pretty. His specialty. Daniel closed his eyes again trying to shut himself down, the last thing he wanted was just another argument. Live life, live freely was his new law. She rambled her way through the room, collecting her scattered clothes from the floor.
She threw a pair of boxers briefs at him.
"Who would have thought Daniel Meade was nothing but a pus—"
"Latvy!" he pleaded, feeling a bit of embarrassment, "this… happens sometimes."
"There's a thing called Viagra. Can't afford one?" She said sarcastically, dressed up and stormed out.
He was left alone, dressed with nothing but his thoughts.
The room felt empty.
Betty had been gone for two days now and Daniel felt, with some guilt, a small relief in his heart. It had been a headache to convince her not to leave the company. He always feared this could happen. One of the many reasons why he never tried to approach her in a romantic way before: a break up would always lead into such consequences and he needed her at work.
"Whoever said that people should be honest and always tell the truth didn't know a thing about life", he said to himself.
He gave a huge sigh and threw himself back against the bed. It had been an awful week.
Something has been happening. Nothing tasted the same anymore. And he'd been insatiably hungry for such a long time, ever since Molly died.
Why had he done it? He thought he wasn't going to remember anything about that night. He was sure he'd been drunk and alcohol always has managed to erase such things from his memory. But, just like a curse, he remembered every single thing, every single movement, every single moan, every touch… very clearly. It was frightening.
Again, the smell of those dreadlocks came to him, the same perfume he had used to love for himself not so long ago.
He looked up to the ceiling mirror and saw his own reflex: a perfectly built body mirrored his own. He loved his body, always had. He was proud of it. He'd been working it and tuning it up to perfection since… he couldn't remember. At least, he was sure, ever since those early days when he discovered the real laws of attraction and that he could lure and incite with what God had provided him as a man built to conquer and possess. Daniel smiled. It just made the whole thing even more ironic —who knew he was destined to fall bewitched from the same evil curse?
He had never touched another body in that way, only his own, and definitely never done any of those things he dared that night. His tongue clacked "Tsk, tsk! This is twisted, Daniel. Even for your standard."
He raised his right hand and the image of the mirror did the same. He glared at his own fingers, clean, manicured, and soft, like a woman. Once a person he used to call friend told him that. Maybe it was true.
He remembered other hands, those rough olive hands, hard to the touch, small skilled hands. He remembered how those exploring hands found the right spot, the perfect rhythm, exploring places he never knew, maximizing every bit of pleasure that his neurons could absorb. Only a man would know a body like his own.
Nobody but a man would know how to please it.
They've never met after that night. Actually it seems as if they were avoiding each other —what would they have said?
He let his hand return to his chest and he closed his eyes. Had he been any good, too? The memories of silent noises and heavy panting made him feel somewhat reassured.
He became bolder and let his fingers adventure to their will, down south, guided by the imperious need to revive the pleasure of that curious night. He tried to exorcize the images that haunted him with his own hands, trying to replicate the cursed memories that younger hands had etched into his skin, the scent of his warmth breath that smelled of too much alcohol, the feeling of his own back against the cold walls of the public bathroom, the thrilling pleasure of the forbidden, the pressure of his lips against his own…
A few seconds passed and calm returned back to his body. He opened his eyes, awaken from the trance of a moment that seemed too short. The feeling was pleasant but equally ineffective. The memories were still there lingering in his mind.
Still resting his back on the bed, he felt dirty just for a brief moment, ashamed for staining such delicious memory and his silky bedspread with his own guilty hands.
He felt the urge to cry but the tears stayed in his mind, while his eyes entertained in the world around him as if it was the first time he'd been in that room… born again.
Like every Meade, he had money; and money was power. He was older and wiser; he had fully lived and experienced life. The tormenting memories faded for a while and he felt brave.
Suddenly, the world looked new and fascinating; everything seemed right and possible…
He stood up and started dressing up.
He must talk to Gio.
—0—
Next Chapter: PAIN...
Moby — Where you end lyrics
Some things fall apart
Some things make you whole
Some things that you find
Are beyond your control
I love you and you're beautiful
You write your own songs
What if the right part of leaving
Turned out to be wrong
If I could kiss you now
Oh I'd kiss you now again and again
'Til I don't know where I begin
And where you end
Thought I fell in love the other day
With an old friend of mine
I was running kisses
Down every inch of her spine
We had the roof down
The sun came shining in
The black fact is
That I was thinking of you
If I could kiss you now
I slept in the sun the other day
I thought I was fine
Everything seemed perfect
'Til I had you on my mind
I tried to love you
I did all that I could
I wish that the bad now
Had finally turned into good
If I could kiss you now
Oh where you end
Is where I begin
-0-
