Author's Note: It's been a while since I wrote fanfiction or, to be honest, anything that wasn't academic. I used to be active here but drifted away from and fandom in general, until recently, when I discovered the RK live action film. That led me back here, to the wonderful likes of Ayezur's Vaster Than Empires and Rainfelt's Sortiarius, which inspired me to try my hand at writing again.

This particular story was actually brought on by my grumpy dissatisfaction with the treatment of Kaoru towards the end of the manga (though it is wonderful!) and an early comment by Watsuki that Kaoru's skills, though dwarfed by Kenshin's and Sanosuke's, were at least that of a "national-level champion," if not superior, along with a very particular line in the first volume. As such, it's probably worth mentioning that this is based on the manga canon and not the anime, the reason for which will hopefully be apparent in a few chapters.

I would sincerely appreciate feedback of any kind, especially concrete crit about my writing style—I am working on cutting back on my purple prose and my overwriting tendencies (if you'll believe it, this is the heavily edited version of the first chapter), but if anyone has any suggestions on how to tighten things up further I would sincerely love to hear them. I also don't have a beta or anything like that, so I apologize for any glaring and obvious typos or grammatical errors.

One last note; I know it's probably still a bit pretentious to use Japanese in a fic, but I come from that golden age of where everybody inserted random Japanese into their fics for no damn reason (myself included… embarrassing confession time!). The title works better than "Sides of a Sword" or whatever the hell else I was going to go with, though, so I've kept it. Hopefully I've managed to walk the fine line here of keeping the story in character and culture without peppering it with random sesshas and de gozarus.


表裏一体
Hyouri Ittai

"Two views of the same thing; being inseparable like the two sides of an object; two sides of the same coin." Fall approaches after Jinchuu andwhen unexpected houseguests arrive at the gates, Kaoru must learn to accept the face under Kenshin's façade just as he must come to understand the true power hidden in the history of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu and its adjutant master.


September 27th, 1878 (Meiji 11)

I

Summer had ended sometime after they had returned home to Toyko, passing them all by so quickly that it was lost in the chaos and commotion of homecoming celebrations, late-night drinking parties, and the even later sleepless nights. The hot and humid heat that rippled over the city had parted to reveal clear blue skies, and only two typhoons, small and nothing quite like the ones she remembered from her childhood, had swept up from the coast. The rains had been pleasant and gentle, not terrifying gales, and had taken the muggy stickiness out of the air, for a time. Even though the heat had inevitably returned, now there was a gentle, cool breeze that blew in from the south, rustling the leaves that would change colour at any moment.

Which was most likely why she kept finding the carcasses of the summer cicadas all over the grounds. The weak typhoons and the autumn wind were only drafty enough to blow them out of the branches where they clung, even in death, and from the dark, secret corners under the porch. She heaved a small sigh and then looked around furtively before sweeping a few more of the hollow, cracked shells under the black pines that lined the fence. She'd left the dust pan inside the house and was tired of sweeping up the little beasts, anyway, and after all the trees would turn soon; they could just rake up the bugs along with the leaves and burn them all in the yard—

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

She jumped a good shaku into the air and shot a startled look over her shoulder, to the dojo, where Yahiko's voice had hurtled from.

"You big oaf, you gotta be gentle with washi paper!"

"I'm tryin', damn it, ya little punk! Why the fuck am I doing the doors, anyway?!"

"Because when we gave you a hammer, you put a hole in the wall instead?!"

"Now, now, you two… There is no need to shout, that there is not…"

A breath of relief pushed its way out of her chest, and she found her lips curling into a small smile despite herself. Once the last of the cicadas were out of sight again, she brushed a bead of sweat from her temple and pulled on the tie at her shoulder, letting her sleeves unfurl from her back. She propped the broom up against the small, gnarled trunk of one of the Chinese oaks and stretched her arms in the shade as Sanosuke stormed out the dojo doorway.

"Enough, enough—it's too fuckin' hot to listen to your bitchin'! We've been workin' on this bullshit all day, already."

She leaned back against the trunk, hiding deeper into the shadows, and let her hands fall to her side. He had taken his shirt off, and she could see even at this distance the sweat pouring down from his hairline. The dojo was always hot at this time of year, a dim, dark heat that would persist in the grain of the wood until late autumn. She loved it—the hard sweat of a good summer workout, the revitalizing feeling of walking out afterwards into the cool autumn breeze—but Sano obviously didn't feel the same way. She smile faded as she pursed her lips and sucked at her teeth. There was a sort of indignant satisfaction in seeing Sano slaving away in her dojo so miserably. But it tasted bitter in her mouth.

"So what, you're just gonna give up?! Sano!"

Yahiko chased out after him, an oversized mallet slung across his one bare shoulder in the same way he normally carried his practice sword, and she noticed with a warm, unexpected surge of pride—you're supposed to be angry at them, she reminded herself, but couldn't help it—that he wasn't nearly as sweaty as Sano was. He still had one arm in his uwagi and looked at most like he had finished a quick spar; he'd probably even grown a bit, considering where his head hit at the doorway. Maybe that was the sudden reason why he now felt fearless enough to order her out of her own dojo.

The bark of the tree was rough and course where she pressed her hands back against it, nothing like the polished hilt of her bokken.

"We told her we'd finish it this month—!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know! But what the hell are we suppose ta do about it, brat? If we don't got the wood—"

"But she's not gonna wait much longer if we don't finish soon!"

Sano screwed his face up and stomped off the porch. He grabbed his jacket from where it hung on one of the practice sword racks that they'd been forced to store outside during their work. "Oi, Kenshin!"

He stepped outside, materializing from the obscurity of the dark hall beyond, and Kaoru froze, clutching onto the tree behind her like one of the cicada shells.

The sun was bright and high in the sky, and Kenshin squinted and then shielded his eyes with the back of his hand, his other braced over the loose folds of his uwagi at his hip. "Yes, Sano?" He sighed, but was genuinely happy to be outside; they had shut the dojo up tight, and their weeks of labour had made the air inside stagnant and stale. The southern breeze that skimmed along the porch carried a coolness in it that was refreshing, and the earthy scent of the neighbour's blooming chrysanthemum garden was a welcome change to, well. He resisted the urge to smell at himself like Sano was doing and instead took in the shade of the porch in silent appreciation, massaging the kink out of his right shoulder, which hadn't completely healed yet. "What would it be this time?"

"I'm goin' ta check the market. See if the wood is in." Sano's voice was gruff as he reeled back from his own armpit and then shoved his arms into his jacket, realizing only belatedly and with a brash curse that it was inside out.

"But he said it wouldn't be in for another two days! You're just wasting time—" Kenshin placed his hand on Yahiko's shoulder, and the boy jerked his head up and caught his tongue. There was a towel folded on the deck next to Yahiko's feet, and he grumbled something—probably aimed at Sanosuke, who was still in a violent struggle with his jacket—but grudgingly obliged when Kenshin nodded his chin towards it.

"My thanks—and Yahiko is indeed correct, that he is," he continued on the boy's behalf at the same time as he dabbed the sheen of sweat off of his shoulders and neck. "Moreover, one is sure that Lord Kinoshita would have sent word had the shipment arrived."

Sano scoffed after finally getting the jacket on. "The guy's no lord," he groused, over-enunciating Kenshin's characteristic honourific. "He's chargin' us an arm and a leg for some shit that he can't even get in when he says he will, for fuck's sake."

"It has only been a few days—"

"Two weeks," Yahiko butt in, petulantly bouncing the mallet against his shoulder.

"—ah, indeed, only two weeks, and he did indicate that it should without fault arrive from the port either today or tomorrow, that he did—"

"If there were no unavoidable 'acts of god,'" Sano added, then spat on the ground.

"Like, you know, a typhoon?" Alongside Yahiko, they looked up past the eaves to the clear sky and remembered the foreboding warning from old man Oibore.

"Well…" Kenshin chewed carefully on his words, holding the towel against the damp hairs at his nape. "That is to say…"

"We're fucked," Sanosuke drawled, and Kenshin found that he couldn't disagree with his friend's succinct assessment. So, instead, he gave a begrudging bob of his head and dropped his hand from the back of his neck while, at his side, Yahiko began to do basic forms with the mallet.

"Kaoru… isn't gonna… like this," he expelled with each swing. "She's getting… pretty pissed that we're… not letting her practice. She's gonna start… asking why…"

From the corners of his eyes Kenshin watched the small, distinct muscles on Yahiko's forearms work to keep the off-balanced weapon level, and a small, strained smile pulled at his lips; of course Yahiko would worry, would be concerned. It had taken them much longer than both he and Sano had thought to repair the damage, and their kind assertions that they wanted to fix it up as it truly deserved, better than it had been in years, had begun to wear thin on the adjutant master of the Kamiya Kasshin style weeks earlier, when the summer had outpaced them and their efforts.

Feeling the tension that he had been trying so desperately to work off tug at his shoulders again, Kenshin turned slightly to stare through the open shoji into the dark calm of the dojo. He had been heading to the bath at the end of the other day when she had come around the corner, and like each time that he saw her acting just like she had before—he pursed his lips, cracked the knuckles of his right hand around the towel—before the incident, his heart had clenched; but time time, the usual relief and reassurance had been cut with something else. He'd recognized immediately the folded fabrics in her arms, the greyed blue broadcloth of her pleated pants,the cream of her jacket, and stacked on top the faded white wrappings that she would used to bind her… At any rate, he had briefly, in the moments before they crossed paths on the porch, panicked; that they hadn't finished their work in the dojo, that she would when, or worse, why—and inexplicably rattled to his core, he had done the only thing he could think of; he had stepped in her way and thanked her for bringing him the laundry, even though he knew as well as she did that he had finished the wash hours earlier. He stayed up that evening, even after the belly of the sun had dipped low under the horizon, scrubbing until his knuckles were raw and staring across his drawn brow at the dojo in the distance.

"—we just… tell her?"

"Oro?" He blinked the memory out of his eyes and then turned back around. Sano was staring at him, his forehead lined with annoyance but also worry, as Yahiko gave a particularly strong swing of the mallet.

"I said, we should just… tell her why. She already knows… most of what happened… when Eni—ah!" Yahiko stumbled forward when Kenshin smoothly removed the mallet from his grip. He smiled kindly, but his eyes were fixed, firm.

"Your practice sword would serve you better, that it would." He walked to the edge of the porch, laying the mallet down, and after hanging the towel on the practice sword rack he began to shrug his arms back into his sleeves. "And Miss Kaoru can wait a bit longer—one will speak to her if one must."

Sano clucked his tongue in irritation, rolling a shoulder under one hand. "Yeah… Kinoshita'll be bringin' us the damn cypress from Ise before that happens."

"Oro?" Yahiko sniggered and Kenshin chuckled once through his nose, part exasperation and part begrudging admission that Sanosuke was probably correct—on both counts, he had to admit, a touch humiliated.

"At this rate, it'd be faster for us to cut the damn trees down our damn selves. Just use the shit here. I mean, it don't gotta be cypress, does it? Just use what's already here. What the hell does missy need all these fancy trees here for anyw—aw, shit."

Kenshin looked up from rearranging his clothes and followed Sanosuke's line of sight, and at first thought the oath was because Megumi was coming unannounced up the path; Sano had told him that they had exchanged some choice words regarding his hand earlier that week. But then Sano was on his feet, hurrying past him to slide the dojo doors shut, and Megumi was squinting with her hand shielding her eyes into the shadows of one of the stunted oaks—

"Kaoru? What could you possibly be doing in there?" The doctor's shrill voice rang through the grounds, and Kenshin stiffened, his hands freezing on his collar, when he saw the dark green hem of a kimono quiver in trees' shade.

"How much does she know!? How much did she hear!?" Sano was hissing at Yahiko, while Kenshin felt the dawning dismay of a hot blush rushing up his neck from his chest and wondered, privately and uneasily, how much did she see? Turning abruptly from the vision of her dark hair, her white neck and blue eyes emerging from the shadows, he busied himself and his errant mind with helping Sano and Yahiko to pick up their work and obscure their purpose.

"Kaoru! You'll ruin that beautiful new kimono, standing in the dirt like that. What are you doing in there?"

"T-thank you, Megumi, for your concern," Kaoru bit out after grabbing the broom from the tree and making to furiously sweep the underbrush away. She realized only after a second of frantic, vicious sweeping that her head was faint, from the heat or from listening to them or from the hot pump of blood in her chest and temples, and Megumi must have noticed, because she had already extended a delicate hand for Kaoru to rest her weight on.

—or maybe not, because the foxish woman immediately drew her close. Kaoru tripped over her own feet and their heads bumped together, but while Kaoru grimaced Megumi seemed not to mind, mostly because her other hand had trapped Kaoru's chin in the vice-like grip of dainty fingers. She pointed Kaoru in the direction of the dojo, where the men's backs were turned to them. Kaoru tried to escape, but it was futile, and Megumi turned her head and whispered shrewdly—much too shrewdly—in her ear, "were you… spying on our dear Ken, Kaoru?"

"Me-Megumi!" If she had been flushed earlier, she was practically glowing by the time she freed herself from the doctor's grip.

"Ohohoho! Just as I thought. I have very keen eyes, you know. As a doctor, it is only necessary." The back of her hand served to decorously muffle her laughter at the same time as it kept her voice low and enigmatic. "For instance, in the short time that I—I'm sorry, we—have been watching dear Ken, I've discerned that the wound on his shoulder is still causing him discomfort—you did see the way he was caressing his shoulder, did you not, Kaoru? When his shirt was off?"

Megumi looked over her shoulder, dark eyes glinting dangerously, to see that Kaoru had pulled her crimson head into her shoulders and was once again sweeping furiously, kicking up a small storm of dust. "Though it is healing as nicely as the one across his abdomina—ah, goodness, I'm sure you're not familiar with medical terminology—those muscles on his stomach." If anyone had been looking, they would have seen the long shadows of vixen ears twitching atop of her head as she pressed the back of her hand against her mouth and mumbled in a concerned tone, "though dear Ken may not be eating enough…"

Kaoru's sweeping stopped again, and Megumi waited patiently. "… why… would you say that?"

"Ara! You didn't see the prominence of his iliac furrow?"

She must have sensed a trap, because she twisted her mouth up for a moment and stared with wary eyes… but the worry won out. "His… what?"

And Megumi, a carnivorous gleam in her eye, pounced. "You know," she purred and watched Kaoru self-destruct when she drew a demonstrative fingertip along her own hip bones, "those delightful lines just here—"

"M-MEGUMI!"

"I ain't got a clue what foxy's doing to missy over there," Sano said as they finished shutting up the dojo, "but let's hope it keeps her sidetracked from over here."

"Indeed." There was a click as the shoji slid shut, and though it gave him some form of satisfaction, Kenshin had the sinking feeling that the washi paper and thin cedar lattice wouldn't keep her out much longer. The weight of his sakabatou was less reassuring than usual as he picked it up from the porch and slid it through his waistband. "Let us go see and what the commotion is all about, shall we?"

"I dunno," Yahiko said grimly, hopping off the porch and then waiting for Kenshin and Sano to join him, "ugly over there might kill us with a dust storm before the typhoon can get here."

That was definitely a possibility, Kenshin had to admit, considering her exaggerated sweeping with the straw broom. She had surrounded herself with a thick haze of dust and dirt by the time Megumi noticed their approach and gave him a cordial greeting.

"Dearest Ken! How are you? I was just passing by and thought, my, I should check up on my best patient—"

"I thought I was your best patient, foxy."

"You would be, if you ever paid me," Megumi snapped at Sanosuke, and the way her demeanor changed was like the light shifting suddenly and terribly over a Noh mask. Kenshin gave an uneasy laugh, glancing quickly between the scornful woman in front of him and his scorned friend behind him, and then inclined his head in thanks.

"This one is doing well, that I am. My thanks for your concern, Miss Megumi." She gave him that thin, sensible smile of hers, and he continued. "But, if this lowly one remembers correctly, you were here just yesterday to do the same, were you not?" When her eyes flashed he knew he had cornered her. "So to what pleasure do we owe this visit, then?"

"Oh Ken, you do know me so well." She brushed her hair back over her shoulder in a subtle gesture that directed his eyes behind her, to Kaoru in her cloud. "I was actually on the way back to Dr. Oguni's when I realized that Kaoru and I hadn't spent some time alone since… well, since Kyoto! And earlier today when I was in the market, Tae invited me to bring her in for some special service." She said it over her shoulder and they all saw how Kaoru's shoulders flinched as she swept. "With you boys working so hard on the dojo, I thought it would be nice to have some female company."

"Ah… that sounds wonderful, indeed. What do you think, Miss Kaoru?"

She jumped and spun around quickly, and he assumed (or maybe hoped) it was the hard work of tidying the dojo grounds that had her face so flushed. "Uh—ah—I actually, uh, though I would stay here. Clean up some more. While you, uh, all go to the market?"

He blinked once, plastering a smile on even as the colour drained from his face; Sano spat on the ground and cursed low under his breath; and Yahiko was only slightly less obvious, slapping a hand on his forehead. Kenshin ignored them in favour of focusing in on the suppressed excitement shifting behind her blue eyes like shadows in deep water.

"I… heard you say you were going to go to get the wood?" Kaoru added, her tone as hopeful as it was hesitant. "For the dojo?"

But, no matter how he tried, he couldn't read her. She could have as easily been anxious over the fact that, with the wood, the repairs would soon be complete, as she could have been to steal away into the dojo as soon as he was safely out of sight.

He swallowed quietly and fumbled over his tongue when he opened his mouth again, and only belatedly saw Megumi's cheek twitch as she tried to conceal a smile. Ah. Well, Kenshin thought dryly, at least he still had her number, and then smiled harder than ever. "One is sure Sano and Yahiko can manage the wood on their own. If you would like, this lowly one would be happy to prepare for you and Miss Megumi some tea and—"

"Are you sure, my dear Ken?" Megumi interrupted, just as he expected. "There was quite a bit of it coming into market today."

"Oro?" Well. That, he had not been expecting.

"Y… you mean the wood's finally in, Megumi!?"

"You sure, foxy? You saw it?! If you're screwin' with us—"

"I would never deign to screw with the likes of you," she snapped pointedly, "but yes, I saw it. The workhorses were bringing it in from port earlier, when I was on my rounds." Kenshin steeled himself just a moment before Sano's palm smacked him on his right shoulder and Yahiko's elbow knocked his left knee out. "If you're planning on carrying it yourselves—as I would imagine you are," she added peevishly in Sanosuke's direction, "I would think it would be best if all three of you went."

"Ah—yes… so it… would probably be," he said weakly as the other two ran to the gate, and when his eyes flicked to Kaoru's, they were still unreadable.

"C'mon, c'mon, Kenshin!"

"The bastard'll probably sell it to somebody else if we don't get to it first—!"

Megumi put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder and pushed her towards the house. "Put that broom away now and freshen up! Tae is waiting for us," she called over her shoulder, and Kenshin bent his neck following the bounce in her obi—the striped one, he noted somewhere. One of his favourites.

"Relax," the doctor ordered when Kaoru was out of ear shot, and he uttered an oro, faking ignorance when he knew that she had been tracking him with a satisfied smile the entire time. As he performed his typical clueless rurouni act, though, her eyes softened, her smile easing into something else. "I'll take care of her. You needn't worry."

"Of course, Miss Megumi, this lowly one does not doubt for a moment that—"

"Then what do you doubt, Kenshin?" That—her, Megumi using his proper name and not the usual diminutive—caught him genuinely off guard for a moment, and her eyes, black as night, moved up over his shoulder. Despite himself he turned to look back with her to where the dojo crouched, low and wide like a sleeping beast, at the other end of the yard. "I do understand as well as any of you, you know. It was cypress the horses were bringing in. You need it to finish fixing that, don't you?" He only realized after he had turned back to her, with her thin but sincere smile and her dark, keen eyes, that his heart was clenching somewhere high up in his chest.

"Kenshin! Get a fuckin' move on, already!"

"Remember what I said? We must at least try to act normal, dear Ken," Megumi prescribed, replying to a question he hadn't asked aloud. Behind her Kaoru was stepping into her sandals, the black lacquered ones with the painted fall leaves, her purse swinging off her wrist. "We'll be at the Akabeko, and back long before you, if you hurry."

She was right. He couldn't keep this act up much longer, he already knew that, could see that much in Kaoru's eyes at least. And yet here he was hesitating, wasting precious time that he could have been using to set things right. As Kaoru jogged across the yard towards them, holding her thin shawl at her neck, Kenshin inhaled slowly through his nose and settled his soul.

"Do take care of her, Miss Megumi," he said before she arrived, and even to him his voice was off, a touch uneven. He cleared his throat then bowed his head in the doctor's direction, casting his eyes carefully as he rose at Kaoru, at the light flush still in her cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes, before turning. "You have my thanks."

They shut the gate up together and walked to the entrance to the market, then saw each other off their opposite ways; and both missed when either turned to look, just a quick glance, over their shoulder to watch the other depart.


There was something about visiting the Akabeko that filled her with warm comfort. At first she had associated it with coming home, mostly because of the constant parties (the grand re-opening, her return celebration, her belated birthday once Sano and Yahiko realized it had slipped them) and because the house and dojo had still been in such a state that wherever she had went she had kicked up wreckage. But even after they'd cleaned up the house she'd still felt her heart swell each time she visited, and had thought then that it was because of Tae's shoubai spirit, the fact that so soon after everything she'd managed to pull herself together and somehow gather enough donations and helping hands to rebuild the place, all on promises of free service.

But then, Kaoru remembered as Megumi pushed the curtain at the doorway aside and the warm, fragrant smells of the restaurant enveloped her, there was the day that she had decided it was time to get back to her life. She had drawn her obi and purse strings tight and had fearlessly walked out the gates to head to market; and even though he had been cleaning the dishes, Kenshin had chased her, actually chased her, and with that low to the ground, impossibly fast sprint that he only used when he was deadly serious, at that. Hearing the rapid footfalls behind her she'd almost, like an idiot, frozen in place; but she'd drawn enough courage from some reservoir deep inside her to turn and look over her shoulder, and there he had been, tucking his arms into his sleeves and smiling that smile of his as he settled in beside her. And when she had secretly felt a bit overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of the market, he'd taken her arm and gently steered her towards the Akabeko and, with money that she didn't know he had, treated her to lunch. It had been the first time in what felt like a long time that they'd sat down together without the others, alone, and he had poured her tea for her and told her to order whatever she pleased.

She'd known the feeling, then; the feeling of being doted on, of being sheltered, of being protected in a warm, strong but caring embrace. In the month and a half that she'd been home, the Akabeko had come to represent that to her.

And, she thought cheerlessly, a smile pasted on her face as Tsubame led them to the stairs, she hated it.

It had been wonderful, of course, for the first little while—having everyone bow to her every whim, with Yahiko running for the groceries and Sanosuke fixing up the gate outside and Kenshin taking her to lunch, like they were a proper couple. Until she'd realized that he was also taking her everywhere—the market, the Akabeko, to her bedroom door at night—and that he, along with Yahiko and Sano, wouldn't let her near her own dojo, never mind the front door. And considering the way Megumi kept showing up at the house and tutting at her—"stop complaining, Kaoru, the boys are fixing it up as we speak! And in any case you should taking all the time you can get to recover! Not all wounds are physical, you know"—she was beginning to wonder if this scheme of theirs went further than she had originally…

"Isn't this nice," Megumi called back over her shoulder as they mounted the stairs to their private booth on the just-opened second floor. Kaoru's hand clenched around the smooth wood of the railing, though it felt nothing like her bokken. "Much better than that sweaty old dojo, don't you think?"

—well. That confirmed it, and Kaoru bit her cheek to keep the smile on as she speculated on who else Kenshin would have involved in this plot of his. They sat down and Kaoru slid her hand into her purse, making sure the small triangle pouch was still there, as Megumi ordered them warm sake.

"Ah—I don't know if I feel like drinking, Megumi—"

"Nonsense. There's no reason a pretty woman can't celebrate an important friendship with a drink."

A sharp pang of guilt dashed through her for what she was about to do, her fingers twitching in her purse.

"And since you're here, you might as well join me."

Maybe not that sharp, Kaoru reflected as she slit the seal of the package with her thumbnail. She carefully tucked it into her sleeve as Tsubame trotted back up the stairs with the alcohol, Tae hot at her heels.

"Megumi! How did your appointment go, my dear? And Kaoru, I'm so glad to see you again! How are you, dear? Feeling alright? I'm sure you're just so happy to be home, aren't you?"

"Fine, thank you. And I've been back for a month already." She made a conscious effort not to let the proprietor's optimism infect her, though it was a struggle, especially when Tsubame shyly slid their sake onto the table and Tae shuffled onto her knees to pour it for them, talking all the while.

"Of course, dear, of course. But you know, every time we have the pleasure of serving you, it just reminds me of that horrible…" She trailed off, catching herself, and then laughed. "Well, of course it's just wonderful to see you! Please don't hesitate to ask our little Tsubame if you'd like anything—I'll send up some treats just this minute, don't you fret! On the house, of course, dear." She slid up to her feet and then whispered something in Tsubame's ear, and Kaoru and Megumi both began to protest.

"No more free stuff, Tae, honestly!"

"Indeed! Please, Tae, you absolutely must let me pay this time!"

"Poppycock!"

Megumi turned to look over her shoulder, watching Tae head towards the stairs, and Kaoru knew immediately that it was her chance. She swept her sleeve across the table, hiding the sake cup behind it and frantically tapping just a bit—the smallest amount, Megumi's voice rang in her head—of fine powder into the clear, steaming alcohol inside. It dissolved almost immediately, just like the doctor had promised her those few weeks ago, and would be flavourless, especially in the warm sake. She stashed the rest up her sleeve.

"I must insist, Tae! We'll drive you out of business, at this rate—"

"Nobody knows my business better than me, and it's mybusiness to provide my favourite customers with the finest of hospitalities, of course!" Tae smiled generously at them, but muttered something under her breath about not bringing that karma down upon her establishment. "At any rate, please enjoy!"

Tae shooed Tsubame down the stairs, Megumi heaved a bemused sigh, and Kaoru held out the cup to her. A pleased smile crossed her face as she received it. "What are we cheering today, then?"

"Ah—" Kaoru swallowed, realizing as she picked up her own cup that she hadn't thought that far. Megumi quirked one perfectly shaped eyebrow under her perfectly blunt bangs. "Uh. To you! Being such an amazing doctor…?"

Megumi's cup hovered in front of the incredulous turn of her mouth, alcohol and that inside of it lapping at the brim. Drink it, just drink it, Kaoru pleaded internally while she panicked externally. "And, uh, to Tae! For her fine establishment—"

"Shouldn't we wait for Tae, then?"

"—and to me! To getting the grounds all cleaned up this morning!"

"You just stood under a tree watching the men work, you degenerate."

"That's not what I was doing!"

"Is that so? What do you think dear Ken would have to say if he had seen you standing there, ogling him like some common…?"

Megumi's voice grew faint in her ears, because the answer had come, unbidden, to the forefront of her mind and almost, just almost, to her lips; that he would have asked her, of course politely and obviously sweetly, if she wanted to go inside the house, out of the sun, out of the yard. Away from the dojo.

"To freedom," Kaoru blurted suddenly, cutting Megumi off, and a weighty silence fell over the table. They stared at each other with dark eyes in the dim light of the private booth, and Kaoru saw something—was it pity? No, empathy, she realized with a quick surge of shame—flicker across Megumi's face.

"Yes. To freedom," she answered after a long beat, and Kaoru's mind began in dismay, she thinks I mean… But she forced the thought out of her head as they raised their cups and drank. The hot liquid flowed warm over her tongue as Kaoru watched Megumi sip hers over the brim. And once the doctor had laid her empty cup back on the table, Kaoru let the resolve she had steeled herself with wash away into relief, tinged just the slightest bit by guilt; let her eyes flutter shut, the alcohol shooting warmth from her throat out to her arms and fingers, legs and toes.

"Delicious, isn't it?" Megumi said as Tsubame came clattering up the stairs with small trays of mackerel pike, dried persimmons and roasted chestnuts. Kaoru let the cup fall from her lips and then opened her eyes to find Megumi already filling it up again. "It'll help you loosen up a bit, you know. In more ways than one."

"I don't—"

Megumi winked before taking another sip, and Kaoru sputtered clumsily and then panicked, downing her second drink much too quickly. When Tsubame was out of ear shot and she had finished coughing and pounding at her chest (missing the opportunity to cover her cup with her fingers, which Megumi, sharp as always, took quick advantage of) Kaoru moaned, "I don't know what's gotten into you lately…"

"Now Kaoru, there's no need to insist on propriety when it's just the two of us, you know. I am your doctor, after all; I've seen more of you than most, isn't that true?" Kaoru begrudgingly agreed as Megumi popped a chestnut in her mouth. Kaoru followed suit as Megumi made a sound of approval and swallowed, then continued, "though hopefully, that won't be the case for much longer. And speaking of our dear Ken…"

Kaoru nearly choked. "Honestly, Megumi—"

"Oh, don't be so embarrassed!" Megumi leaned forward onto the table with one elbow and propped her chin on her hand, sipping slowly with the other. "Like I said, I'm your doctor, not to mention more… experienced than you in the ways of men, and it's perfectly normal to have these kinds of discussions. So, as I was—"

"Never had them with Dr. Oguni," Kaoru grumbled into her drink, and then started when Megumi kicked her under the table.

"As I was saying," Megumi lectured on, and Kaoru sighed and picked at the mackerel with her chopsticks, settling in for the long haul and wondering just how long it would take the medicine to work. Megumi had said an hour, but Kaoru had felt it much quicker than that, but she had only used a bit… "You really do have to take a more active role in this courtship, you know. Unfortunately for you, it seems that our dear Ken isn't yet prepared to play anything but the guileless rurouni with you. Of course, that's to be expected, considering all that pent-up guilt and shame, but I did think all that longing would force his hand, after everything."

She swallowed hard and put down her chopsticks. "He's not longing for anything," Kaoru argued, talking down to her drink out of hot embarrassment. After a beat of twisting her lips, she downed the drink whole. "He's just being Kenshin—"

"Nonsense. He's been longing for you longer than even he probably knows. In any case, you really do have to give him the opportunity to act otherwise—"

"Megumi, please," she interjected, pouring the woman across from her and then herself another cup to stall the conversation. "I know you're just trying to help, but it's really not like that..."

"I thought you said things changed after," Megumi replied, but her voice was softer, more casual, and when Kaoru met her eyes they were dark and attentive.

She looked back down quickly, rubbing her fingers along the rim of her glass and watching the quiver of the alcohol. "Before," Kaoru corrected, "I thought things had changed before… when he told us about, you know, Tomoe. I thought…" She hesitated, but just a bit, when she said the name, which came softly from her mouth like something hallowed, sublime. She took a quick swig of her sake, noting somewhere that if she kept drinking this quickly she'd surely jeopardize her plan, but her cheeks were burning too hot and strong to pay attention to it. Tsubame suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs and then disappeared again, and there was another brimming bottle on the table. "Anyway, I was wrong. I don't know what happened, or if I was just making it up in my head, but it's definitely not… like that. He just… he's kind, polite. He treats me like a child," she finished sourly, the same feeling—righteous indignation, tender and forlorn as a dark bruise—welling up in her chest as when father used to close her out of the dojo.

Her tiny hands had been too small to open the heavy doors, and so she had stood there, resolute in her frustration and anger and shame, listening to the whistle of cut air, the shouts, the cries, for hours. The boys walking up the path to the dojo would stare at her with dark, predatory eyes, snickering or scowling.

"He treats you like that because he worries about you." Megumi's voice sliced through Kaoru's flashback like a blade. A look passed across her face as she spoke, her lips twisting as she thought about something. Then Megumi closed her eyes, a hidden pain in the corners where her dark lashes fanned, and then she tipped the cup to her mouth. When she was done she put it back on the table and picked up new flask, motioning for Kaoru to finish her drink as well. "And what else would you expect, honestly? When was the last time that you showed him that he could treat you as anything more?"

Caught off guard and having had quite too much to drink now, Kaoru balked, jaw hanging open. "I—what?" She tried, belatedly, to cover her cup, but Megumi had already filled it again.

"It's a fair question. And I don't mean sexually," she added when Kaoru began to sputter furiously, "so don't start on about that."

"Then what do you mean?!"

"I mean, when was the last time you gave Kenshin a reason to think you're anything more than a child? Considering everything, you know…"

"Ev-… everything?"Ah—and here it was. She almost didn't process it, having it brought up like this by Megumi of all people, and couldn't tell if her sudden anger was spurred by the alcohol or by resentment, or by both. "What's that supposed ta mean?"

Megumi said nothing but stared, her eyes flashing like hard, dark diamonds in the dim light even as her eyelids began to droop a bit. She didn't have to say anything, though; his name had gone unspoken amongst them ever since she came home, even though Kaoru had the courage to say it—wanted to say it—and did.

"You mean with Enishi, don't you, Megumi?" The clever, quick eyes narrowed quickly, but Megumi didn't respond immediately, the name hanging heavy in the air. Kaoru's left hand fisted around her cup, the other around her hand, and her blunt nails dug into her skin and grounded her only until Megumi moved, shifting just slightly to the side, and sighed with disappointment. Shame and rage boiled up inside her, burning her ears, in a way it hadn't in a very, very long time, but the swell was still familiar enough that it overtook her easily. "Say it, if you wanna. You're my doctor and we can talk 'bout this." She realized only when the cooling sake splashed over her hands that she was shaking, and quickly swallowed what was left. "You think I din't fight back enough, do you?"

"I don't think that," Megumi replied, completely composed, and despite herself Kaoru remembered—remembered the anxiety that made her jump at every little sound, the fitful and sleepless night, the hot, shameful tears staining her sleeves as she confessed to the doctor her most private, disgraceful doubts and—

"I c'n take care of myself," Kaoru shouted before she could be thrown back into the inner turmoil of those first days back at home.

"Relax, Kaoru, you're—"

"And I did, remember? I did!It's unfair, how ev'ryb'dy look at me now, just 'cause of—Yahiko jus' goes straight to Maekawa's now, doesn't even ask me, and Kenshin—he looks at me like—" Her voice caught on a hard, painful hitch in her throat, and Kaoru realized only then that she was about to cry. Megumi watched her carefully as she took a shuddering breath and forced herself to composure. "I'm not a child," she repeated, finally, trying to replace the high emotion in her voice with cold steel, though she wavered a bit when she finally recognized the sad, wise look in Megumi's eyes.

"Relax. I know. And you're drunk. God, I forgot that you're a lightweight." Megumi breathed out on a sigh and brushed her hair over her shoulder, resting her hand on her neck and looking down. "And I am sorry, Kaoru, for their actions and for my own. That was… unfair." Kaoru pursed her lips and shifted uncomfortably in her seat but, after a moment's deliberation, nodded quickly. "But you have to understand that he forces himself to look at you like that," she added, pouring them another glass each, as Kaoru groaned in dismay.

"Not this again—I told you, there's nothin'—"

Megumi looked up with sharp eyes, cutting her off. "You're a fool if you think that. You know as well as I do that it's all that guilt and shame over his past that keeps him from… well. That dumb, innocent rurouni act is just that, an act—a cover for a man's passion. Probably thinks he's too, you know, stained," she punctuated with a dismissive hand gesture, "to even think of you that way—"

"What way?"

"As a man does a woman," Megumi sighed obviously, lifting up her cup and waiting for Kaoru to do the same.

"He's not like that, Megumi—"

"He's a human like any other, isn't he?" She retorted as Kaoru drank. "And a man, at that, even though he's too afraid to show let it show, considering what happened the last time."

"I dunno what you mean—"

"You know, before Kyoto. With Saito."

"That wazznt Kenshin," Kaoru replied surely, "that was Battousai—"

"My god, are you serious, raccoon?" Kaoru didn't immediately respond to Megumi, for the shock of hearing the title roll off her tongue so easily overwhelmed her and sent her head spinning—or maybe it was the alcohol, which she took another swig at. "They're the same person."

"… what?"

"They're the same person," Megumi repeated, and when Kaoru stared and then quirked her head in confusion, the doctor blinked slowly, heavily, in disbelief and slumped backwards against the wall. "You at the very least I thought would understand…"

"Understand what? Listen, listen," Kaoru interrupted, squinting as she tried to make sense of the mess in her head. "You don' know what you're talkin' about, Megumi. Kenshin is Kenshin. Battousai is… was Batt—"

"—is Kenshin," Megumi finished, and Kaoru stumbled over her thick tongue. "They're the same man, Kaoru, just… just a different name."

Kaoru thought about it for a second, then shook her head as Megumi muffled a yawn behind her hand. "No… no. Kenshin turned to Battousai when Saito came, see—"

"Turned to, what exactly? A crazy, bloodthirsty, indiscriminate killer? I was there too, remember," she said pointedly, stretching an arm above her head. "All he did was protect his family and his home, which is what any man would have. Sagara did."

"That's not—Kenshin told me, he said, he said before he went to Kyoto that when he fought with Saito it showed that… the manslayer was still inside him—that's what he said."

"Oh, of course he's the one who knows it least… who… he's the one who doesn't want to admit it most." Megumi licked at her lips, looking a little confused, and then shook her head. "And don't tell me you honestly think that a woman like Tomoe would sacrifice herself for a manslayer."

"Well," Kaoru stammered, "that's 'cause…"

"That's 'cause he was Kenshin. You should learn to accept it, you know," Megumi mumbled, her words beginning to slur. "If you really do care for him 's much 's he does you."

Megumi leaned over onto the table, resting her chin on one arm, and the alcohol flushed hot through Kaoru's system. "I really don' think you know what you're talkin' about, Megu—"

"Oh, enough—you know 's well as me. 's all in the eyes," she explained as she settled in, and Kaoru opened her mouth to keep arguing but then Megumi's eyelids, with those long, perfect lashes, fanned shut against her rouged cheeks. "'s how he looks at you… 'course, changes aren't unusual, but he's not that old… maybe 'cause of changes in his intern'l chemistry…" Megumi was talking to herself, muttering quietly, and her eyes fluttered open as if she had realized something. "'s the British, isn't it?"

Kaoru opened her mouth to reply, then closed it when she realized she had no idea what Megumi meant. "What?"

"The British, they say," she swallowed, "they say the eyes 'r windows to the soul. Maybe it's 'cause of his internalization… not physical, then, but psychological?" She over-annunciated in order to not stumble on the words, though she didn't seem to realize it. "Maybe he doesn't even know…"

"Know what?" Her head spun as she sat up a bit to shake Megumi's shoulder. "Hey, he d'sn't know what?"

"His eyes—the way they change," Megumi said around a large, jaw-cracking yawn, and batted Kaoru's hand away. "You know, the… 's a flash of…" She pressed her eyes shut, focusing. "… amber."

"A-amber?" Kaoru repeated dumbly, voice soft and shaky.

"Like with Saito," Megumi said in a tired tone.

"But… tha's not…" she stammered, and then barely managed to catch the sake flask that Megumi knocked over as she wrapped her arms around her head. The doctor didn't even notice, her eyelids quivering and then falling shut.

"… and the voice… I was there, too, y'know…" Her voice was small, distant, muffled into her sleeves. "I was there too… w'him … but he nev'r looks at me like that… not like he does at you…"

"But tha's not how it is, I said—!"

"'s all in th'eyes," she exhaled on a sigh, and her lips stilled around the words, and then was silent.

The light was dim on the second floor, and in the air drifted the thready notes of a koto from downstairs or outside. There was the muffled clatter of a dropped dish, a few barks of far-away laughter as a group of drunks stomped in. Curled up in the darkness of the booth, Megumi's breathing was shallow and soft as Kaoru reached over to shake her again.

"Hey…" Kaoru tried a bit harder, shaking her on both shoulders. "Hey! Megumi! Why're you…" Something tickled her arm, the one in front of Megumi's mouth, and Kaoru drew back as the tiniest sound came from the back of the doctor's throat. She slowly readjusted her shoulders and then burrowed her head further into the dark cavern of her arms.

"… sleeping," Kaoru breathed, realization striking her like a bolt from the blue, and then wavered for a long minute. Finally she reached out and placed two careful, tentative fingertips at the triangle of pale skin exposed between the fall of her hair and the neck of her kimono, and felt the strong, thriving pulse there, despite her shallow breathing. Even through the warm buzz of the alcohol, that was enough to set her sudden nerves a bit more at ease, to quicken her recollected resolve.

"'m sorry, Megumi." Kaoru slowly forced herself from the booth, her feet feeling miles away. "'ll send Sano to come get you later, okay? Promise. I jus' gotta… do this. For me." Pausing for a beat, Kaoru put her hand on Megumi's shoulder; it rose and fell gently under her palm, and she realized, suddenly and without reason, that she had never seen Megumi look so unguarded. Guilt, strong and sure but undercut by the alcohol and the hastening hammer of her excited heart, grew in her alongside the strange light that shone in her eyes.

"I know you'd understand, if…" Kaoru mumbled, then stopped the words by swallowing them and the thickness in her throat. But before leaving she settled her shawl—thin but still warm from her own flushed heat—around Megumi's shoulders.

Kaoru stole out the back way, blinking into the sunlight. Twenty minutes later, after dealing with the drunks from behind the shield of her serving tray, Tsubame found the doctor alone, fast asleep amongst the empty sake jars and one fallen package of sleeping powder.