Space Monkey

A/N: This is the first part of a parody series of The Ricky Gervais Show (btw I've added extra parts in to develop the characters). I do not own The Ricky Gervais Show, which belongs to Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington, and I do not own Lock, Shock and Barrel or The Nightmare before Christmas, which belongs to Tim Burton. Please bear this in mind for the rest of the series, as I really can't be asked to put it in every chapter. Basically: I own nothing but the parody, and there are unfortunately no space monkeys involved in this story. I'm using the original name so if you want to listen to the podacst and compare, you can. Sorry for OOC and how ****ing awful this is, but I hope you enjoy.

Announcer: For the past few years, Lock, Shock and Barrel have been having a series of pointless -and stupid- conversations. This is one of them.

Shock: Is the sound working?

Lock: Nothing works here! We aren't getting paid!

Shock: Whatever! This podcast is only gonna work because I'm here!

Barrel: Sure it is...

Lock: Shut up you two. Hello and welcome to "The Awesome Lock Show" with me, the handsome and flawless Lock, my idiotic cohort Shock-

Shock: Shut up or you'll get an axe to the face.

Lock: -and the little round-headed moron that is Barrel.

Barrel: Why am I here again?

Lock: Now you probably know me from such works as "The Nightmare before Christmas", Shock being a character in that movie too. For the idiots who are not so aware of Barrel... I don't blame you. He's a stupid little gimp who just stares at us and grins like an idiot. You're probably all thinking "Oh, Lock, why are you doing a podcast if you hate Shock and Barrel so much?", well the answer is that I'm getting paid, but they aren't.

Barrel: What?!

Lock: Whatever, let's just get on with this stupid show. Shock, what do you have to say?

Shock: Uh... y'know some humans go and help chimps.

Barrel: They do?

Shock: Yeah.

Lock: They go to those massive forests full of dangerous animals and stuff.

Shock: Then they sort out the dying species, make sure that aren't all dead and such.

Lock: Dian Fossey, I believe. Who knows, who cares. You know, Barrel, you're like the Dian Fossey of the Halloween Town scene.

Shock: Of the stupid little ghoul scene.

Lock: And Barrel is, uh, he's... he's an ongoing experiment for me, because I've seen him turn from an idiot into an complete moron. I want to see it through.

Barrel: Huh? What are you on about?

Shock: Look at the way he's just staring at us.

Lock: Look at that- he's got a stupid face on his perfectly round head, and that's one of the reasons why I'm doing this podcast.

Shock: Barrel, what do you think about all this?

Barrel: Um, it's just, I mean, we are living in that time now, aren't we? At least, the humans in the real world are, this is gonna be put on a cassete... anyway, like, the humans can listen to stuff on demand when they want to listen to stuff. It's weird, their music.

Shock: No, you're weird.

Lock: You're not a fan of the ipod in general, are you? Or any of the mp3 things? You think it's strange, but it's only because you live in a town where we only owna TV that only plays in black and white, like something out of a 1950's show.

Barrel: Uh, I don't think the mp3's that bad, but-

Shock: This is what's amazing about Barrel. Even though he's talking about things like mp3 players, computers, ipods, all this technology that humans have, he still sounds like he was found in a glacier and thawed out. Do you get what I mean, Lock? He's like some sort of caveman.

Lock: We're a couple of teenagers who found him and we're trying to pass him off as someone from the modern day.

Shock: Yeah! He is a complete mystery, if I'm honest. He's not like any other ghoul I've ever seen, he looks completely stupid, and I found him poking a dead bird the other day and asking it to cook itself.

Lock: Really? You really are more strange than we give you credit for, Barrel.

Barrel: No, but my thing with ipods is do the humans really need them? Do you know what I mean? They're living in the era now where they've invented pretty much everything they need, and now they're just messing about.

Shock: But Barrel.

Barrel: Yeah?

Shock: They don't have singing ghosts in their towns.

Lock: Shut up, pay attention to me. Did you know someone actually said, "everything that's gonna be invented has already been invented." They said that in 1900.

Shock: Oh, don't you start...

Lock: And how wrong were they? But guess what was invented in that year where they went, "right, that's it now"? It was in the 20th century. Think what happened in the 20th century.

Barrel: Go on.

Lock: Planes.

Shock: This hurts to listen to...

Barrel: Yeah, but are planes a good thing? Do the humans need planes, really? Wouldn't it have been better if they all stuck where they should be instead of traveling about?

Shock: Yes, but you're saying that because you're too lazy to walk to the kitchen if you're hungry in the middle of the night, even though your room is right next to the kitchen.

Lock: You don't travel anywhere.

Barrel: I hate you guys so much... anyway, they've got planes because of their wars. Look, wars are happening, right? Because everyone's saying, "well, now we can fly, we'll go over there."

Shock: So there were no wars prior to the invention of the airplane?

Barrel: Not like there is today.

Lock: This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say, this is utter crap.

Shock: Let him finish!

Barrel: Right, what I'm saying is... the world's got smaller, isn't it? Everyone's saying that, right?

Lock: Yeah. Although I don't know because I only go out there once a year and I've never seen a map of it.

Barrel: Well, you know what I saying to you the other day, uh, you know, the humans now go to places where they shouldn't go.

Lock: Yeah, go on.

Barrel: Humans go travelling to places where they've gotta have injections before they go. Forget it, that's a warning not to go there.

Lock: Don't go there.

Shock: I'm with you on that. I mean, I don't care if humans die, but I wouldn't go somewhere that could kill me. I don't want to go somewhere if I have to have an injection so I don't die while I'm in that country.

Lock: I totally agree with you on that. For once I agree with you.

Barrel: So anyway, what happened is... uh... so they invented the plane and they're like, "let's go somewhere new." Then they go, "oh, we're dying now. We've gotta invent something, let's invent an injection."

Shock: I don't think that's what happened.

Lock: Shut up, moron! Let him finish!

Barrel: But then they're wondering, "well, what else do we need to go to that place?" It's a waste of time.

Lock: So what you're saying is-

Shock: So you think travel is a waste of time?

Barrel: Yeah.

Shock: I've been to dangerous places, and it was fascinating.

Lock: Where? Where have you been?

Shock: London. Lot more risky than it looks.

Barrel: But why? Why go to London when you can stay here?

Shock: Because it's fascinating, isn't it? Do you not believe that travel makes you think? You could do with traveling, you stupid little idiot.

Lock: Sorry, but there's no way you've been to London, Shock. We only go to the real world on Halloween to go trick-or-treating, so Barrel and I would've been there. You're talking crap again.

Shock: Are you trying to start a fight?

Lock: *unintelligible screaming*

Shock: *unintelligible screaming*

Barrel: I think they've broken the mikes. May as well steal their candy whilst they're fighting, then this stupid podcast can end...

I would like to thank Trilliumwoods for inspiring me to write this, her stories are incredible and have helped me a great deal with improving my writing skills. Thank you! I will hopefully have the next chapter up soon but no promises. Remember: I'm not doing full episodes as this alone took me six hours.