To be honest, she was a little grateful for the invitation. She hadn't made any friend -- or even spoken to anybody outside of answering questions in class -- since she had arrived in Lawndale. All humans were social animals, something not even Daria was exempt from. She tended to keep only a small circle of acquaintances, though -- in Highland, that was Stewart, Cassandra, Beavis, and Butt-head.
She had enjoyed hanging out with Beavis and Butt-head the most, since they invariably amused her with their activities. They had also made great Quinn repellant. She wondered if they missed her...but dismissed the thought immediately. More likely, they had forgotten she had even existed after a week or two.
She almost wished there were somebody as stupid as them at Lawndale. She supposed Kevin and Brittany counted, but she wasn't cruel enough to insult Brittany -- though simple, she wasn't petty like some of her ilk at Highland had been. And insulting Kevin would be shooting fish in a barrel with an Uzi.
Daria sighed and put her mind on the most pertinent question at hand: flat, or ridgy. Just as she had decided on ridged potato chips, a guy approached her. His hair was a carroty red and he wore a yellow polo shirt. On his face was a leer that made Daria just a little uncomfortable.
"Chuck Ruttheimer here," he introduced himself. "And you are?"
"Esmerelda," Daria informed him.
"What an exotic name! Would you care for a tour of the house?"
Daria considered his offer. Another hour or two of staring at the snack table, then calling Helen or Jake to pick her up, or...
"Do you take tips?" she asked him.
"Of course," he reassured her.
"Ditch the bangs."
"Feisty!" He put his arm around Daria's shoulder.
Daria's hand quickly darted into her coat pocket as she shrugged off the redhead's arm. "Look, Upchuck, unless you want to find out what a can of mace feels like sprayed into your face, don't touch me."
He growled -- actually growled, like some sort of predatory lion -- but kept his distance.
As he led her through the mansion, he began reciting various details about the house and minuitae about the various architectural designs put into it.
Finally, he led her to a corner of the house that wasn't as densely populated with teenagers. He gestured toward a closed door.
"And this is the make-out room!" he announced. He winked at Daria and leaned in, speaking almost in a conspiratorial whisper. "Confidentially, it's really the laundry room." He knocked on the door and called out, "Don't lean on the buttons!" A gruff voice threatened him, but the high-pitched giggle of an excited female ensured that it probably wouldn't be followed up on.
Upchuck bowed. "That concludes our tour. I'd like to thank you for your undivided attention." He reached out and almost grabbed her hand, but remembered himself as Daria subtly stroked the bulge in her coat pocket. "Any questions?"
"Yes. How did you get invited?'
He shrugged. "I dissected her frog."
Daria considered this. "In Ms. Barch's class? But wouldn't she have gotten an A anyway?"
Upchuck bowed. "Indeed she would have, but one never rejects the opportunity to rise through the social ranks."
"Unless the rank rejects are the only thing society has to offer," Daria shot back.
Upchuck laughed then, as if Daria had just said the funniest thing in the world. "Oh Esmerelda, you're a lady after my own heart!"
"Mm," Daria mumbled. "My name's actually, uh, Daria."
"Really?" Upchuck leered. "Feisty!"
"Why do you keep saying that?" she asked him.
The question caught him off-guard. "Uh? Well, I...uh..."
Daria sighed. "Forget about it." She didn't have to tax her mighty mental powers to construct an educated guess, and any explanation he would offer would likely embarass them both.
Upchuck, to his credit, was able to mostly mask his look of relief. They stood there for a moment, waiting for the other to do something. Finally, Upchuck broke the silence. "So, do you want to, maybe, ditch this place?" he suggested. "I mean, I don't know about you, but confidentially, not many of the attendees appreciate me."
Daria rolled her eyes, then considered his request. "Where would we go?"
Upchuck pumped his fist in victory -- then realized Daria was staring at him, and quickly put his hand behind his back. "Well, there's an airing of Night of the Living Dead in the theater downtown."
"Escaping one gaggle of brainless zombies to watch another bunch? Eh, sure."
XXXX
Upchuck pulled up in front of Daria's house. He couldn't believe the fantastic luck he'd had tonight. A girl actually TALKED to him! For more than five minutes! Without screaming or hitting him!
He suddenly grew ill, fearful that Daria would turn out to be...crazy, or a guy, or something.
"Um, Daria?" he tentatively asked.
She was about to step out of the car, but turned back in her seat.
"Um...why did you hang out with me tonight? I mean...I've never been very lucky with the opposite sex, and well..." He trailed off.
Daria contemplated him for a moment. It would be so easy to cut him in this moment of vulnerability, perhaps resulting in him becoming stronger for it. Or perhaps it would just drive him further into his shell of lecherousness. It would be so easy to be alone.
"Look...Chuck..." She dropped the perjorative prefix for emphasis. "You do act like a big sleaze, but you're actually one of the least repugnant people I've met at Lawndale High and you seem to have a functioning brain -- though I'm loath to think what sort of things you use it for. But...I think you could be a good...friend." She struggled a great deal with the last sentence. The closest thing she'd ever had to a friend before was Cassandra, and she often had her head in the clouds. The clouds of smoke from her pot.
Upchuck was stunned. He himself hadn't had any real friends since he'd discovered the joys of the feminine form. Women didn't want to be with him, and men tended to bruise him if he so much as looked at their girlfriends funny. "I...I'd love to be friends, Daria," he said gratefully (though later, he would curse himself for not seeking out something more than friendship). Then, Daria actually smiled (though Upchuck nearly blinked and missed it), and turned to get out of the car again.
"Wait!" he stopped her again. "Would you, uh, like me to pick you up tomorrow before school?"
Daria shrugged. "Sure. Beats walking."
XOXOXOXOXOX
Author's note: Hello, and thank you for reading the first chapter in my latest 'fic. Now, as you may or may not have noticed, the title has little relation as to what is actually in the body of the fic. The reason for that is: I couldn't think of an interesting creative one in time. So, if you have a suggestion for a better title, I'd love to hear it! (I'd also love to hear your reviews of the fic, but I seldom ask because it seems a bit forward of me.)
