I don't own Lab Rats: Elite Force. This is angsty, so trigger warnings for depression, anorexia, and thoughts and mentions of suicide.
Kaz didn't scare easily. He was usually the member of the Elite Force that jumped headfirst into things without a second glance. For something to legitimately terrify him it had to be immensely bad or just too terrifying in and of itself for Kaz not to be afraid of it. Kaz didn't scare easily, and that was a fact.
But what Kaz was looking at was completely terrifying him. Davenport was still away in Mission Creek, as he would be until the new Davenport child arrived, and he, Chase, Bree, and Skylar were sitting at the dining room table in the penthouse and enjoying a lunchtime meal of sandwiches and sides, with an assortment of sodas to choose for a drink. Well, Chase, Bree, and Skylar were enjoying their sandwiches and sides, Kaz's stomach was twisting uncomfortably as he kept stealing glances toward the fireplace where the hidden entrance to Mission Command was, knowing that his best friend was hiding away in there somewhere. No one else thought much of Oliver's absence, but then again, why would they? For all they knew or were concerned about, Oliver was just down in Mission Command attempting to perfect his powers, again, or just looking for some quiet time to do some idle work whilst the others were busy eating. Something of that nature would be perfectly normal to the others, including Skylar, but to Kaz, it made his gut churn anxiously, for he had more reason to be worried as he had known Oliver the longest.
"Kaz? You okay?" Bree piped up. Kaz blinked out of his constant stare of the fireplace, which wasn't lit at this point in time, and looked at her in confusion. Bree gestured to his hands, where his roast beef sandwich was resting, and Kaz looked down. He dropped the food in surprise, his sandwich now charred and burnt, especially where his fingers had gripped the bread.
"I'm fine." Kaz muttered, smacking his fingers together lightly to get the bread-soot off of him. "I'm gonna take some to Oliver." Kaz stood out of his chair and was riding the hyper-lift down to Mission Command with a ham and turkey sandwich and sour cream and onion chips before any of the others could say anything. "Oliver?" Kaz asked.
Oliver was standing in the middle of the command center, wearing a pair of boxing wraps and punching a practice dummy like the poor thing had done him some major offense. Since teaming up with the Davenports, Kaz and Oliver had been learning how to fight properly so that if the case that their powers weren't working properly-a nervous thought, but one that had to be taken into account-ever arose, they could defend themselves without a problem. It was the one area of training where both the boys were excelling at equal rates. Sweat was thick on Oliver's forehead, and Kaz decided that now would be a good time for a break. "Oliver!" Kaz yelled, gaining the taller boy's attention mid-kick.
Oliver dropped his leg and turned to face his best friend, panting a little and rubbing his sweaty brow. "Hey, Kaz. You need something?" Oliver asked breathlessly.
Kaz gestured to the plate of food, and didn't miss the quick flash of disdain that flew through Oliver's blue eyes. "I brought you some lunch."
"Thanks but no thanks." Oliver replied shortly, and turned back to the dummy. Kaz frowned disapprovingly, put the plate down on the cyber-desk, and stood in between Oliver and the dummy before Oliver could start swinging. "Move please." Oliver requested.
"Not until you eat something." Kaz retorted.
"I'm not hungry. I ate earlier." Oliver replied stonily.
"One apple and half a glass of water is not a meal, Oliver." Kaz informed him sternly. "Especially when that was at 8:30 this morning, and it's now 1:30 in the afternoon, and you haven't done anything but train all day! Oliver, you need to eat!"
Oliver glared at him, picked up a small chip off the plate, and popped it into his mouth, swallowing a second later. "There, I ate. Now please move. If I don't get this right then Davenport will kill me." Kaz's face was a mask of disbelief as Oliver gently pushed him to the side and started practicing once again. Determination gleamed in his brown eyes as Kaz intercepted a swing of Oliver's arm, stepping into the line of fire. The boys grappled for a minute, but Kaz quickly gained the upper hand, and the next thing Oliver knew he was on his back with Kaz's foot on his chest and his arm pulled semi-tightly. Oliver glared up at Kaz, but Kaz only gave him a desperate and pleading look back.
"Why are you doing this to yourself, Oliver?" Kaz demanded in a hoarse whisper. "Why are you putting yourself through this again? Do you not realize that by starving yourself your only killing yourself faster?"
"I'm not starving myself. I am eating." Oliver shot back.
"Not nearly enough!" Kaz cried. His entire face was a mask of desperation and fear. "One apple for breakfast and a banana for dinner with a full glass of water for the entire day?! That's not enough to eat, Oliver, and you know it! Even worse, all you do is train and exercise! Even if you are eating those apples and bananas, all this training is going to null that away! Why are you doing this to yourself?! Why, Oliver?!"
"I know what I'm doing, Kaz." Oliver hissed.
"You said that last time." Kaz pointed out bleakly. Oliver paused. "And last time we had to convince the nurse that you would start eating right then and there so she wouldn't call your mom. Last time, you fainted in the middle of a school assembly. Last time, you made me think that I was going to lose my big brother." Kaz blinked back a suspicious wetness in his eyes. "I won't go through that again, Oliver. I refuse to let you do this again. Oliver, this will kill you."
"Me not being strong enough will kill us a lot faster!" Oliver yelled back, his mask cracking.
Kaz froze. "Who the heck said that you weren't strong enough?"
"Everyone." Oliver muttered, pushing Kaz off of him and standing up. But he didn't turn back to the training dummy, which was a small relief in a series of horrors to Kaz.
"When did I say that?! When has any of us said that?!" Kaz demanded, horrified that this relapse could be his fault.
"You all never said it directly. And I never heard you say it." Oliver sighed. "But Douglas called me scrawny. Skylar told me that my ribs could be seen through my shirt. Every time I use my super strength or mention that I have it everybody gets this surprised look on their face. Even you did!"
"That was when you first got it and you know that it wasn't because that I thought you were a weak boy getting a strong power!" Kaz retorted. "It was because we had just gotten our powers and I was surprised that was one of the powers that we got! I even told you that you were lucky because super strength is one of the strongest powers ever! But when have I ever said that you didn't deserve the power or that you should 'shape up' to make yourself worthy of it? Never, because Horace told us that we get our powers based on personality nine times out of ten! If you're the one that got super strength and not me, what does that tell you about yourself, Oliver?!"
"Doesn't matter." Oliver muttered.
"Yes, it does!" Kaz yelled.
"No it doesn't! Because Skylar still sees me as the weak link of this team and she'll continue to see me that way unless I do something to change it!" Oliver shouted back. "She even told me that I'm the weakest on the team, super strength or not! And you know what? She was right! How am I supposed to be a valuable member if I am the weak link? I have to change it, Kaz!"
Kaz's face morphed from desperate to murderous in a flat second. "I'm gonna kill that little ET." Kaz snarled venomously. Fire sprouted along his knuckles, using his fury as fuel as it burned up his arms to his elbows in bright orange flames.
"Kaz, no!" Oliver cried, grabbing onto Kaz's shoulder as he turned to go Skylar-hunting.
"Oliver, who cares a whisker about what she thinks?" Kaz demanded. "If this is what she's turned you into, a superhero that is in the throws of anorexia and willing to starve himself to the point of death," Oliver winced at the 'a' word but said nothing. "Then she isn't worth your time! You deserve so much better than her. I've been trying to tell you that for two years! She is not worth you starving yourself over."
"I've got this under control, Kaz." Oliver retorted, his walls going back up.
"No, you don't, Oliver." Kaz whispered. "You don't have this under control. You're under it's control. And if you think that I'm gonna watch as you slowly commit suicide with a supportive flag waving in the air, you better think again!" Kaz shook off Oliver's hand and headed toward the hyper-lift. Kaz turned around just before he stepped into the high tech elevator and pointed to the sandwich plate, which was sitting untouched on the desk. "Eat." He commanded.
"And what are you going to do?" Oliver demanded, glaring at his best friend.
"Grill an alien." Kaz replied, the hints of his earlier fury showing through his voice just before the hyper-lift shot him back up to the 110th floor.
Oliver sighed and glanced at the plate. He gave it a glare and fired his cryo-blast at it, freezing it solid and turning back to his practice dummy.
Kaz doesn't know what he's talking about. I'm fine. I'll get stronger. I'll be better.
Skinny.
"Hey, you!" Kaz's scathing voice drifted from the hyper-lift and out onto the terrace, where Chase was sitting on the ledge playing on his laptop and the girls were in the lounge chairs on their phones. All three of them looked up in confusion as Kaz stormed out onto the terrace. "ET, I've got a bone to pick with you!" Kaz hissed, halting in front of Skylar's chair and glaring murderously down at the female.
"Hello to you too, Kaz." Skylar retorted.
"Do you realize what you've done?!" Kaz snarled, not in the mood for the petty banter that they usually got into with each other. "Of course you don't, do they even consider something like this on that hunk of space junk that you call a planet?! Of course not, or are you Calderians just too self-centered to care?! Do you realize that murder is illegal here on Earth?!"
"Murder?!" Skylar yelped, her eyes going wide.
"What are you talking about, Kaz?!" Bree demanded fearfully. She has never seen her teammate this angry, and if he was this angry then there had to be a reason.
"Kaz, you need to calm down before you set the terrace on fire." Chase ducked in between Kaz and Skylar, placing a hand on both of his teammates' shoulders in an effort to be a peacekeeper.
"Calm down Tecton's underpants!" Kaz hissed, the fire on his hands growing to envelop his forearms and elbows. "Someone needs to deal with ET before one of our own ends up six feet under because of her!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Kaz!" Skylar insisted.
"Maybe if you pulled your head out of your own behind you would know that the things you say can kill someone!" Kaz snarled. "And it's because of you that I'm watching my brother dig his own grave right now!"
"What have I ever said to Oliver?" Skylar demanded.
"Only that he's too skinny maybe? Or he's really scrawny? Or that maybe he's the team's weak link?" Kaz snapped. "Any of that sound familiar to you ET?!" Skylar fell silent.
"Skylar?" Bree asked softly.
"Oh don't you dare pull that one, Bree Davenport!" Kaz barked at her angrily. "Any of you! You've all done this to him! ET's just getting the worst from me because her words have more an effect on him then anyone's, including mine! Chase, you told Douglas that Oliver was scrawny and skinny. Bree, you scoffed when Oliver told you that he was the one with super strength. And all of you act surprised whenever he uses it! How do you think that makes him feel? How would any of you feel if we were to make those comments about you! Did any of you know that nine times out of ten, powers are based on personality? I'm a hothead and stubborn as a mule! That's why I've got fire and heat powers! Oliver's the one out of the two of us that keeps a cool head, whereas when I'm the stupid gas pedal, he's the freaking brake! Ice and water powers! Where the heck do you think that the super strength came from?!" Chase and Bree glanced down, now ashamed of themselves for acting so horribly to their teammate. "I've seen Oliver lay it all on the line, just because someone needed his help! I've watched him do it for all of you! Especially you, Take-Me-To-Your-Leader!" Kaz roared, rounding on Skylar once again. "When you were evil and under the influence of the Annilator, I wanted to take you out for the good of the world! But Oliver wouldn't let me! Because he knew that there had to be a way to save you! It was because of him that Hapax turned you good again! He begged Hapax to save you! And what do you do? You complain that you have no powers! Oliver has tried for the past two years to get your powers back for you, he's slaved away for you, and this is how you repay him?! By dragging him down, throwing him under the bus and using him as your own personal doormat?! And now this?!"
"Kaz, we're so-" Chase began.
"No, don't you dare apologize to me, Robot Boy." Kaz hissed. "Not to me, you need to apologize to Oliver. I'm just the one doing what he won't, which is grill all of you for acting so stupid!" Chase and Bree nodded and left the terrace in search of their tallest member. Kaz felt a tiny bit of his anger diminish. He knew that all Chase and Bree needed was a reality-check, and he was slightly glad that he opened their eyes to why this was happening to his brother, even though he didn't belt out exactly what was wrong. "And now you, you little space witch." Kaz snarled, turning his attention back to Skylar.
"Kaz-"
"Shut up." Kaz barked. Skylar fell silent. "I don't know who the heck you think you are, or who the heck gave you the authority to toss Oliver around like a rag doll and lead him on like you've been doing, but mark my words Skylar Storm, it ends here." The boy stalked closer to her, getting right in her face and making sure that he was being crystal clear. "Oliver's spent the last two years giving you the world while all you've done is toss it right back at him and complain that it didn't hit him in the eyes. I've worked too hard to get Oliver into a place where he's comfortable in his own skin, and I'll throw myself in a freaking volcano before I let all that work go to waste. Before I let you toss it away like it means nothing. So this is what is going to happen from here on out. You are going to go grovel at Oliver's feet and beg for his forgiveness for all your grievances, and I think you understand how long of a list that is. You are not going to let him take the blame for anything, and you are going to not accept his forgiveness because you do not deserve it. And you're going to treat him with the respect that he deserves and if I catch you saying anything negative about him or about how this is unfair, I want you to remember two things: 1, You did this to yourself and you deserve so much worse but since I'm a hero I can't do much worse."
"And two?" Skylar asked.
Kaz's face darkened. "Two is this. If you say anything rude or mean to Oliver or about Oliver in the time that we work together, I will not hesitate to make sure that you wish that Mighty Med was still around. Get it?"
"Got it." Skylar agreed softly.
"Then go!"
Skinny.
Kaz was lying on his bed on his back in the room that he shared with Chase and Oliver, in his pajamas and tossing and catching a red rubber ball with one hand while the other rested behind his head. The door to the room creaked open, and Oliver poked his head inside, his hair damp from a shower, Kaz assumed. "Hey." Oliver greeted softly.
Kaz smiled gently and sat up. "Hey."
"Chase?" Oliver asked, glancing about the large bedroom.
"Down in Mission Command, last I heard." Kaz shrugged.
"Good. 'Cause I wanted to talk to you." Oliver stepped into the room, revealing his pajama clad body and shutting the door behind him.
Kaz patted the space on the bed and grinned. "Open space." He invited. Oliver smiled wearily and plopped down with his legs crossed underneath him. "What's up?" Kaz asked, deciding for a moment to play dumb. Hopefully, Oliver would bring it up on his own.
"I know what you did." Oliver accused.
"Enlighten me." Kaz replied.
"You talked to the others." Oliver clarified.
"I told you I was going to grill an alien." Kaz pointed out. "Chase and Bree were added to the barbecue at the very last second." Oliver gave him a look, and Kaz sighed. "They needed a serious reality check, Oliver. What they were saying to you, about you, that shouldn't be allowed to fly. Innocent teasing is one thing, but the things that they were saying were far from innocent and could hardly be called teasing. And I knew that you weren't going to say anything to them, so I stepped in on your behalf."
"I know, because Bree was near tears when she and Chase came and talked to me." Oliver nodded.
"I won't apologize, Oliver. They were killing you." Kaz crossed his arms stubbornly.
"I thought you said I was killing me." Oliver pointed out softly.
"You are, but they were basically handing you the gun and telling you to pull the trigger." Kaz retorted. Oliver said nothing, instead letting his blue eyes fall to his lap. Kaz's brown eyes softened. "How long has it been going on this time? I'm sorry to say, but I only started noticing a week ago."
"And you didn't say anything until today?" Oliver demanded in surprise.
"I hoped I was imangining things, or I was overreacting." Kaz confessed. "This terrifies me, Oliver. Dang it, you're scaring me!" Oliver hung his head. "How long?"
"Almost a month." Oliver admitted softly.
Kaz exhaled deeply and buried his face in his hands. "Oh my god." Kaz moaned. "Why didn't you come talk to me, Oliver?! It never would have got this bad if you had just said you were feeling this way again!"
"I didn't want you angry with me. I know I'm a screw up, I didn't want you to tell me the same." Oliver mumbled, avoiding Kaz's eyes as tears stung his own. Kaz's fingers were suddenly pushing Oliver's chin upwards, and suddenly upset blue eyes met compassionate and caring brown ones.
"When did I ever give you the slightest inkling that I thought that way about you?" Kaz asked softly.
"Never." Oliver sighed.
"I get that this is going to be an ongoing battle with you, Oliver. You've battled with this since you were twelve. You've fought off depression for far longer!" Kaz reminded him. "I may not be able to understand exactly what you're going through, but I'll always be right here if you need me. And I'll never be angry with you for slipping a bit. And I get the need to be the strong one out of all of us; that would be the big brother complex in you, even though you're-technically-an only child. But you don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to need someone else to lean on. It's okay to let yourself feel what you think is weak. You've given everyone else a chance to break down, and I'm always gonna be here to do the same for you. I'm your best friend, Oliver. And more than that, I'm your brother. It's kinda in the job description." Kaz smiled semi-playfully at him, and Oliver tried to smile back, but it turned into a grimace. "Come here." Kaz tugged Oliver into his arms and hugged him tight. Oliver returned the embrace, allowing himself to sink into Kaz as he rubbed soothing circles into his back.
"Life sucks." Oliver mumbled, stuffing his face into Kaz's neck and sighing. Kaz could feel how tired Oliver was. How emotionally drained he was. Oliver was unintentionally sagging into Kaz's embrace, and Kaz could just sense the weight that was pushing down on his best friend, making his depression even worse. And he could tell that Oliver meant what he said. For Oliver, life just completely sucked. "I'm just tired, Kaz."
"I know." Kaz replied softly.
"I don't know what to do anymore. It's getting so hard." Oliver felt tears prick his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder..."
"Please tell me you did not just say that." Kaz begged, pulling back to look straight into his eyes. What he saw there teriffied him. "Why didn't you say something?"
"Saying something now." Oliver replied with a helpless shrug. "I don't think it very often, but when I'm by myself, I question it. Especially after you left Mission Command today. I hated that I made you so angry, but I didn't know what to do."
"You come and talk to me." Was Kaz's immediate insistence.
"I'm just starting to hate myself so much." Oliver whimpered, tears budding in his eyes. "I hate the way I look, I hate that I'm so skinny, I hate that I'm afraid of everything in the entire universe. I hate me."
"You're not afraid of everything in the universe. It was your idea to find Hapax on Caldera last year." Kaz pointed out. "And you shouldn't hate you, Oliver. You're pretty amazing. And I've known you the longest, so I think I know what I'm talking about." Kaz smiled teasingly and Oliver smiled weakly back. "So you have a few phobias, so what? And have you seen how small Chase is? You're the tallest one out of all of us! Yes, you're skinny, but that's not a bad thing. The fact that you're not freakishly buff is actually a good thing. It makes you lighter and more agile because you're not carrying around so much weight like Chase and me are. And don't take this the wrong way, but you're a pretty good looking guy. I'd date you." Kaz shrugged.
"Skylar-"
"Forget about Skylar." Kaz interrupted. "Oliver, if she hasn't come around in two years of you pining after her, then I doubt that she will. It's her loss anyway, not yours. There are plenty of other girls out there, girls so much prettier and smarter than that space witch. If she can't like you for who you are and your individual handsomeness, that's her problem, not yours." Oliver smiled wearily at him, but Kaz could tell that his best friend simply didn't believe him. Kaz sighed and pulled Oliver into his arms again, holding him tightly and securely. Oliver sagged into the embrace and felt tears trickle out of his eyes and onto Kaz's shoulder. He didn't break into sobs or anything, but the silent tears broke Kaz's heart all the same, and he held Oliver tighter, as if he were trying to protect Oliver from the world and all it's hurt with just himself. They both knew that this was going to be a long battle, and they were already tired.
"I'm sorry I'm such a screw up." Oliver croaked out, burying his face into Kaz's shoulder.
"Don't say that. You're going to be okay, Oliver. I promise."
Probably should have mentioned the Skylar Storm bashing. Oopsie. (Insert devilish grin.)
