I, sadly, do not own Calvin and Hobs. For if I did, not only would I be filthy rich, but also I'd revive the series for fans everywhere. (and to get even richer.) Therefore there should be no doubt in your mind as to whether or not I own them. Why are you still reading this disclaimer? Stop. Read the fanfic. I mean it. Fine then. Be that way. You can keep reading this if you want but I doubt it'll do you any good. Okay, anyone who is still reading at this HAS TO STOP NOW AND READ THE FIC!!!!







Space Man Spiff was patrolling sector 7 of the 9th Quadrant known as the Nargoon terrain. Nargoons were a species of highly evolved Nagons. His ship was shot and crash landed on their central planet. He recognized the craft to be none other than the queens. He ran as far away as possible until collapsing from exhaustion in a small cave. Shortly afterwards, the queen found and woke Spiff.



"CALVIN! GET READY FOR SCHOOL!!!" his mom shouted.



The Queen shrieked hideously and waved its multiple, slimy tentacles. She forced him onto a spacecraft filled with other captives. The pilot was fat hideous freak of nature. It demanded absolute silence and all those who disobeyed him were tortured beyond belief.



"SHUT UP!!!!" screamed the bus driver." "I'm trying to drive!"



Space man Spiff took action. He whipped out his blaster and set it to deep fry. He fired the ray…





Calvin shot the rubber band and hit the bus driver on the back of the head causing him to swerve into Miss Wormwood's car. She had been late for work, and she was not very happy. The bus driver explained one of the students hit him with a rubber band. This caused Miss Wormwood to smile. Not a human, happy a smile, but a wicked, satanic smile.

" I think I know who" Miss Wormwood said cruelly.



The ray hit the pilot who crashed into the ship of his tormentor, the Worm. The worm was a hideous, fat slimy blob with two tentacles and a gaping mouth spewing saliva. Unfortunately, the larger spacecraft suffered only nominal damage and continued on, but the worm's ship was damaged beyond repair and it swore on its worthless pathetic Nargoon life to make Spiff suffer beyond all human comprehension. As they near the prison, Spiff makes one final ditch attempt. He jumps through the emergency hatch.





"CALVIN, ARE YOU INSANE!!!?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" screamed Suzie as Calvin jumped out the emergency back door and landed on none other than Mo's mother's car, who was bringing Mo to school. She swerved out of control and hit the principle's office. (can Calvin get into any more trouble? We're afraid so)



As Spiff jumps out the emergency hatch, he sees an on coming ship. He lands on it causing it to crash into the prison's main head quarters. " Ha! Another victory for Spiff!" He yelled to himself. He runs back to base camp.

Across the jagged terrain he flees, dodging Nargoons and shooting occasional ships down.

He reaches home at last.





RING! RING! *sigh* Calvin's mother reaches for the phone. Hello…Calvin did WHAT??!! He WHAT?! 400,000 DOLLARS???!!! CAAAALLLVVIIIIINNN!!!!!!!



1 Zounds! The queen was hot on Spiff's trail. He ran as fast as he could, but surprisingly, the queen had an additional boost of adrenaline.





2 One month later…



Calvin: Jeeze! I can't mom's still mad at me.

Hobbes: well 400,000 dollars is a lot. How long did she suspend your allowance?

Calvin: until I'm 15. Good thing my dad happened to have made 400,000 dollars in the stock market that day. And I'm still grounded.

Hobbes: You've been going to school for the past 2 years, what made you escape on that particular day?

Calvin:…you don't want to know, trust me…



Space Man Spiff's adventures sure were wild, but it's nothing in comparison to the case Tracer Bullet would soon have to face.