Santana,

Some days when I wake up beside you all I can think about is how much I love you and I realize that, I cannot wait to start my life with you. Then other days, all I can feel is fear. But every day that I'm with you I feel thankful that someone as great as you would ever love me.

These days we have to be careful of our every move. It hurts that I have to hide the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you more than anything and I hate that I have to hide that and all of my feelings for you, but I would do anything for us and even more for you.

Hopefully, the days will quickly pass until the time comes for us to go. I want that more than anything. I want to get away from everything we know and everyone we know. I want there to be a day when you can feel safe about us. I can't wait for that day to come.

Every night when I feel your chest against mine, it feels like I can finally function again. I can breathe and relax at the fact that I now have two hearts, yours and mine, that beat together, offering a rhythm that soothes me as I lay in your arms. On those nights, there is nothing better, as beautiful, as how much we love each other.

When the morning comes, I can feel everything drain from me as you get ready to leave. With every light scrub of your skin, with the soap and cloth, you wash away our nights of love. With every layer of clothing I can feel you slip out of our oasis. With every light coat of makeup that you apply to your skin, you disappear. Every day is an opening of a healing wound that has only healed the night before.

You shouldn't have to hide, Santana. I hate when the real you leaves and the person everyone else knows as you comes to take over. I love you so much and I love everything about you. You are my heart and the love that fills it. When you shut out the true you, you also cut off the love that you give me. I want the day to come when everyone else can see you as I do. I will wait every day for it to come true.

Brittany


That was the last thing Santana expected to find when she came home.

Brittany has left things in her room for her before. She has never left her a letter like this though. She usually just left drawings of them or Lord Tubbington, or just about anything happy. Things that would make Santana feel happy and loved by Brittany.

She still felt loved. It was just that Brittany was usually happy-go-lucky about everything and rarely deeply serious about anything. So, when Santana saw the letter on her bed with the flower next to it, she thought it was something to cheer her up. However, it was refreshing for Santana to know how Brittany truly felt about their relationship and it was even better that Brittany felt the same about her as she did about Brittany.

Santana still felt scared about how much she loved Brittany. Maybe she always would. She did know that it was something that she could not ignore or get rid of. Of course she will eventually need to face everything, especially the consequences, that come with loving Brittany. However, she didn't feel that she was ready right now. It would change everything. Her life would be totally different afterwards. Santana knew that her family wasn't the most accepting or forgiving. She also knew that she couldn't risk losing her family. She loved her family and could never see her life without them. But she also loved Brittany and didn't want her life without her. She didn't want to have to choose between her family and Brittany. And she didn't have the courage to face that.

It wasn't as if she expected to meet anyone while she was in the Dominican, let alone fall in love with that person. For as long as she has been coming to Puerto Plata she has been going to Long Beach. She practically lived at the beach. Sure, tourists also go to the beach but it was where she felt most at home, even though, it was nothing like her home back in Ohio. It was where she felt free and most like her.

Maybe that was why Brittany came up to her. She could still remember that day clearly.


Santana loved Long Beach with its beautiful white sand and endless view of the ocean. Nothing in Lima would ever be able to compare.

There is nothing better than having miles of blue ocean water in your direct view and the amazingly lush greenery with bountiful mountains, as the backdrop. For the past couple of months this has been her paradise. There is nowhere else she would rather be.

Taking a break from school for a while was one of the best decisions, Santana felt, which she ever made. She needed a break from the façade of a life that wasn't truly hers and the constant pressure to excel. Being able to get away from the stress of her life in Lima is the best feeling she's had in a while.

Going straight from high school to University, Santana felt, would have broken her. She needed time to herself, a break, to find a way to build her structure back up. While being under pressure, in school, she had begun to wear down and now she felt burnt out from being pushed so hard. Santana liked to do well in school. It gave her a sense of pride about herself that she wouldn't have had otherwise. Even though, Santana wasn't going to university right away she still applied to several universities. She had worked hard on her application essays and the SAT. With her score, essays, recommendations and transcript she was able to get into a few of the best schools in the country. That was good enough for her. She felt she could always come back to it; there was more than enough time for school. For now she wanted to relax at the beach.

For as much time as she has spent at the beach no one has ever once bothered her. This was a new experience for Santana, who is constantly being asked out in Ohio, not that she minds having a break. So, she was surprised when this girl started talking to her.

"Um…¿Hola?" the girl said to Santana. She kind of startled Santana from her relaxed state of mind, which made Santana more than a little irritated with the girl. Then Santana took in the appearance of the girl and couldn't help but give her a once over. The girl had blonde hair, a blue bikini, and a set of killer legs. Not that her legs weren't to be envied.

"Hola." One of the main things that Santana has learned over the years is that if you showed that you weren't interested people tended to back off. Doesn't take much for Santana to show disinterest and continue tanning in the sun.

The girl just stood there staring at Santana. It was making Santana more than a little nervous, especially since she was wearing next to nothing. Santana has had men gawking at her, specifically at her chest, but never a woman. The girls' eyes were roaming up and down her body, not in a predatory way but enough to unnerve her.

"¿Qué se necesita ayuda o algo así? Usted está mirando." Do you need help or something? You're staring.

Santana said it with a little more bite than she intended but she needed to get her point across. Except now the girl was not only staring at her but had her mouth open like Santana just grew two heads. But at least she was trying to start some form of communication. "Uhhhh…Umm..." However, it wasn't much progress from just staring. Then the girl started shuffling towards the front of her, while she was trying to think of some way to respond to Santana. Now Santana wasn't just nervous but also uncomfortable because the girl was looking her straight in her eyes. Direct eye contact was something that has always made Santana uncomfortable and a little scared. She didn't like to be vulnerable for anyone. So, she did the only thing that she could think of, she turned her head away from the girl and turned up the bitch dial.

"Hablar o no bloquear el sol. Estoy tratando de bronceado." Talk or don't block the sun. I'm trying to tan. When acting uninterested doesn't work being a bitch usually does.

"Oh…..Ummm…¿Inglés?", 'Oh great!' was all Santana could think. She has doing an amazing job of avoiding tourists. 'Especially tourists who go to a Spanish speaking country and don't know how to speak Spanish. Maybe if I help her quickly she'll leave me alone. Maybe.'

"What do you need help with?" 'God, I hope she gets through this quickly. I just want a peaceful day at the beach.'

"Umm…Uh…I kind of forgot the number to the resort. I have no way of getting back." 'Really? She can't call a cab like… Oh right. No habla español. What does she want me to do?'

"So, what do you need help with?" The girl looked taken aback by Santana's behavior. 'She must be used to everyone at the resort having sun shining out their asses twenty-four seven.' Santana couldn't help but roll her eyes.

The girl held up her phone to Santana. "Well…Do you know what the number is?" 'Does she really not get it?' As far as Santana could tell the girl was being genuine.

"No." 'Keeping it nice and simple for her.'

"Oh…umm…ok. Uh…thanks. I guess." The girls' shoulders slumped down her and she had a dejected look on her face. Then she started to walk off down the beach looking pitiful.

In that instant something must have broken inside of Santana because she actually started to feel sorry for the girl. Before the girl could get too far away, Santana shouted out to her. "If you want, I could give you a ride back to the resort."

The girl spun around so fast that Santana was surprised she didn't break her neck. "Yeah! That would be great." The girl was smiling at her and Santana couldn't help but smile back at her.