Dutiful

Hijikata was not amused.

His day was pretty much shitty to begin with but this—this was just insulting. This was God spitting in his jar of mayonnaise. And he would see to it that someone shared his suffering.

"BWAHAHAHA, YOU CALL THAT A HAIRCUT?" Kagura shrieked. Okita frowned down at her and stomped on her foot. Hard.

Kagura screeched and threw him through the wall. Hijikata massaged his temples.

"OIII," Gintoki poked his head out from his bedroom door, eyes half lidded and with a vicious case of bed head, "YOU CALL THIS BABYSITTING? I AM NOT PAYING YOU TO WATCH PROPERTY DAMAGE, YOU BASTARD!"

Hijikata surged to his feet, spitting out his cigarette angrily, "Me?! You aren't paying me at all! And it's your turn to watch them!"

Gintoki pulled a highly sarcastic face. Both of them were ignoring Okita and Kagura, both of whom seemed intent on beating one another to within an inch of their life. "Haaa? Shinpachi!"

"What?" Shinpachi muttered sullenly. He sipped his tea moodily. He knew who was going to end up fixing that wall. "Damn horny teenagers," Shinpachi mumbled into his Earl Grey. Gintoki scratched his head.

"Tell this moron that it's his turn to supervise—"

But Shinpachi was already pulling out a rather battered slip of paper from the giant brief case he had taken to carrying around with him.

Well, if someone didn't take care of legalities, they really were screwed. He was getting a little worried about the rent, too. No wonder Otose-san kept sending in ninja squadrons.

"According to the courtship treaty, dated and signed on the thirteenth of November, Hijikata…is responsible for odd numbered days." Shinpachi concluded.

Hijikata smirked, "Well, I'll just be going then—"

"Idiot!" Gintoki roared, "Can't you count?! This is the three hundred and fifty first day since they've met!"

Hijikata took out his katana and began slashing it around aggressively, "NO IT IS NOT WE ALREADY AGREED THAT THE SPANDEX INCIDENT WAS AN INDECENCY BEST LEFT FORGOTTEN AND THEREFORE DOES NOT COUNT!"

"Hah!" Gintoki yelled, now fully awake and cackling with evil genius, "I remember no such promise, you cheating bastard!"

"CHEATING?!" Hijikata repeated indignantly. His voice cracked a little, "CHEATING!?"

"Oh, Hijikata," Gintoki pressed a mournful hand to his heart, "I apologize. I know as well as anyone else that you uphold the noble dignity of a samurai—and as your peer, I respect you for such. I fully appreciate your nobility in proving, without a doubt, that you have served your time."

Hijikata puffed out his chest, "Tch, you bastard, don't think that flattery will—" Gintoki shut the door with a snap. The meaning behind the pretty words slowly sank in. "HEY WAIT, GET BACK HERE YOU—THERE'S NO WAY SOMEONE COULD FALL ASLEEP THAT FAST!"

Gintoki persisted in his fake-snoring anyways. Hijikata fumed.

"Oiii, you're getting fat you damn bastard. Your breasts are bigger than mine."

"Like that's hard to beat, China-girl."

Shinpachi handed over the mayonnaise. It was that, or he'd be paying for even further house repairs.