Title: 'Pataphysical Science
Written for the All-Dialogue and Paul McCartney Songbook Challenges
Rating: K+ for mildly disturbing imagery
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, including the songs mentioned. Not even on CD.
"What do ya got for me, Duck?"
"A bit of a mystery, Jethro, but I have determined the cause of death. It seems our young lieutenant suffered a catastrophic blow to the skull. The force was such as to cleave her two parietals along the sagittal suture."
"Talk about a splitting headache. OW! Thanks, Boss."
"Indeed, the skull was split, Anthony, but the damage to the edges of the bone is not consistent with sharp force trauma. Do you see the bending of the bone here? And here? Look closely."
"I'll, uh… take your word for it, Ducky."
"So what was used, Duck?"
"A hammer or something similar, but the lieutenant was not struck with the rounded end. The shape suggests it had more of a flattened or pointed head. Perhaps the pointed end of a claw hammer, or maybe striking surface of a raising hammer. That would also have the appropriate shape."
"What is a raising hammer?"
"It's a tool to shape metal, Ziva. They are often used by silversmiths."
"Heh. It's like the song... sorry."
"What song, Palmer?"
"You know, Maxwell's Silver Hammer? 'Bang, bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head'…? Shutting up now."
"I do understand why this case would bring that song to mind, Mr. Palmer, although in that particular instance, the 'silver hammer' was more than likely a metaphor for bad luck."
"I don't think 'bad luck' bashed the lieutenant's skull in. Anything else?"
"I did find some traces of metal at the edges of the wound and I sent them up to Abigail for identification."
"Gibbs, Gibbs Gibbs!"
"Speak of the devil. Hey Abbs, hey Probie."
"What do ya got for me, Abbs?"
"I analyzed the trace Ducky sent me from the wound and it's composed of several metals and alloys, including gold, platinum, and sterling silver."
"Boss, I checked through Lieutenant Kohtz's financials. She was spending quite a bit of her paycheck on jewelry from a custom silversmith in Georgetown."
"The owner's name isn't Maxwell, is it?"
"Uh, yeah, it is. How did you know?"
"Never mind, Probie. Come on, Ziva, let's go pay this smithy a visit."
"Watch your six, both of you."
"Always, Boss."
"Yes, Gibbs."
"McGee, see what else you can find on this Maxwell."
"On, it, Boss."
"Anything else, Duck?"
"Not at the moment, other than Lieutenant Kohtz was obviously struck from behind. She was at least comfortable enough with her attacker to turn her back on him."
"Thanks, Duck."
"Any time, Jethro. Now Mr. Palmer, I believe it is time to return to the task at hand."
"Yes, Doctor… P. C. Thirty-one said, 'We've caught a dirty one'-."
"Mr. Palmer."
"Yes, Doctor?"
"You're singing."
"Oh, sorry. It's an earworm… You know, when you get a song in your head and you just can't get it out? Of course not. My apologies, Doctor."
"Perhaps if you insist on doing that, you should try something more fitting for your surroundings? Something a little more respectful?"
"Yes, Doctor… Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and-"
"Mr. Palmer! I think this situation warrants that you should try something by Simon and Garfunkel."
"Really, Doctor?"
"Yes. 'The Sounds of Silence.'"
"Uh...yes, Doctor Mallard. Understood."
"Thank you, Mr. Palmer. Now, if you would, take these tissue slides up to Abigail."
"Yes, Doctor."
"Forgive him my dear, he means well, but sometimes… Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery, say he must go free. The judge does not agree and he tells them so, o, o, o. Oh, dear…"
The End
Lyrics are from (of course) Maxwell's Silver Hammer, written by Paul McCartney, and Hey Jude, also by Paul McCartney
