The picture had always been there (highest drawer, on the right side), under paper she never bothered to look at, she had never taken it out before. Until today. She was moving to a new appartment, and the drawer fell out and broke, and across the floor the picture flew. It landed under the table standing in the livingroom, and at first she didn't see it. But then she was faced with the picture, kneeling under the table, staring at her 16 year old self.
She had a black hat on, and her hair was dyed in a dark brown, almost black colour, her eyes looking at the camera slightly unfocused, but sparklingly grey. Under her eyes the faint hint of black circled, her eyes were squinted, and her mouth tight shut, as if trying to figure out if this camera was going to do her harm.
Picking up the photo, she looked at it, and wondered why it was under all those papers, hidden in a drawer somwhere. But then she saw the backround; a large green house, children of all ages stood outside in the big blurr that was behind her, and the house was dark inside. Her eyes seemed to darken in the picture, and there was no need to fight the memories- she had all ready been hit.
January 1992
"You have to understand that this child cannot take care of herself, she needs adult supervision!" an unfamilliar voice was heard on the other side of the brown doors. They didn't know that she could hear every word they said, that she knew even before they did that she was not going to stay here, she was going to be placed in a home, somewhere unfamiliar, and start all over again. And she didn't get why they didn't know that, it was uneventiable.
"But aren't there any relatives? It seems to rash to put her in those homes" an other voice, slightly more familiar said, it was the socialworker that came to her house that morning and told her that she couldn't stay anymore, to pack the things she wanted to keep, but keep it light. She wondered what was going to happen with the stuff she didn't take with her, like her mothers dolphines, or her fathers card collection, or her brothers guitar, or her stuffed animals.
"She doesn't have any, the closest relative she has right now is her brother, who abandoned her. And if you don't want to take her in, this is the only thing I can come up with" it was logical, that when one thing ended, everything about that ended, and you can't continue on an ending. So you need to start a new story, a blank page, something new had to begin, because if it didn't, didn't that mean you were dead?
"No, no, I can't take her in..." who said she wanted to live with that social worked that didn't seem to know if she should be soft or hard, there were moodwsings that seemed un-natural, and that creeped her out, not be able to predict the mood the social worked was in. And other than that, she just couldn't find anything in that person that appealed to her, she just saw a large, big chested woman in too tight clothes, and hair that was stuck in the seventies.
"Thought so..." there was a long pause, and she almost thought the door was going to open and they were going to take her to one of those homes she'd heard about, and leave her there. But the silence continued "We can place her in that group home down town until we can get in touch with a foster family" she didn't know there was a group home here, she had never thought of that this town contained children and adults that didn't have parents, being an ophran was alien to her until just a month ago. She was still waiting for her parents to come home and tell her that everything was ok- they were not dead.
"But that home is... that's the last resort, Jim, it's not a place to put her the first time" and the silence grew between where she was sitting on one side of the brown door, and where they sat, at a desk, one on each side facing each other, talking about how she was going to spend her years until she turned fifteen. "Isn't there someone that could take her in... just for a few days?" there was turning of some papers, some mumles. A woman sitting next to her was tapping her feet nervously up and down, staring at the opposit wall.
"Are you willing to take her in for a few days?" and the silence on the other side was deafening, the woman next to her continued to tap her feet. "Amy, you have to see that it's not that easy, you've been through this millions of times before, what's different this time?" the woman next to her started to tap her fingers, and she sent her a irritated glare.
"She's got no one..." and 'Amy trailed off, stoped, she wasn't much different to everyone else, she had never been, all that seperated her from the larger crowd was that she was quiet, not shy but quiet.
"Amy-" she didn't hear anymore, the corridor she was in woke to life when a door on the other end opened, and a small child flew out. The woman next to her ran up to the small child, yelling 'Samantha!' over and over again, and 'I love you', 'I miss you', the small child hung onto her mother crying like her mother had been dead and woken back up to life. She looked at the scene, fascinated by the love, and it seemed so out of place here, where children were taken away from their parents because that was the best choice, and like her, children and teenagers with no place to go other than the system.
The brown door opened, and out steped a short man and a tall woman, they looked at each other with a mutal and unspoken agreement and respect, then the social worker looked at her.
"C'mon Temperence" and like the dog she somehow became during these few days, she stood up, and followed the large woman a few feet behind, shuffeling her feet, just to demonstrate that this wasn't by choice, she was being draged out of here, not walking out on her own free will.
The car was new, bright red. She sat down in the front seat, if she sat down in the back seat she would look like one of those kids that were placed in fostercare after being to wild and the parents only encuruaged them, she was not one of those kids. She had never gone to a party, never had a boyfriend, her first kiss was a mistake that a boy made in fifth grade, and for that; she was definently not one of those kids.
The car ride was short, barely three minutes, and when the car slowed down infront of a large house, she understood that Amy was not taking her in, even for a few days. The house looked foreign, like from a sci-fi film, it was large, and even though the lawnd and house looked clean, it felt dirty, it was too clean. Pressing herself back into the carseat, she hoped that she was just stoping there to fix something with the car. Amy put a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up at her, begining her silently to drive away from here and not leave her, living with her would be worth not being here.
"This is only for a few days, Temperence, and then you will be placed in a nice family, but until then you have to stay here" looking down quickly as she took her hand off of her shoulder, she reached for the door handle, and opened the door to step out on the concrete sidewalk. Amy took out her dufflebag from the frontseat of the car, and handed her it like she was apologizing for something, and she took it silently, and looked back at the house and sighed.
The two of them walked up the path to the house, and Amy rang the bell, within seconds a forty year old woman had opened the door and pushed them inside.
"Welcome uhm... Tara-"
"Temperence" Amy interrupted the woman to correct her, and the woman looked at Amy strangely, before turning back to her.
"Temperence, I'm Mrs Jacobs, and you'll call me that, and nothing else. The rules are; no drugs, no fighting, no knives, no alcohol, no relationships, no movies with violence, lights out at ten pm, no noice what so ever after that, dinner is at six, come in later than ten past you won't get any food, breakfast is at seven school mornings, same rules there, you make your own lunch" Mrs Jacobs stopped to take a breathe "You'll sleep with a few other girls, and there are no boys alowed in that room, ok?" she nodded wide eyed, and looked at Amy next to her who had obvisouly heard this speach before. "Joseph!" she suddenly shouted as loudly as she could, and out of one of the corridors leading to the right a tall thirty year old man walked out, he had a long brown beard, and looked at her amused. "Show her to her room while I talk to Mrs Nelson"
Joseph noded and waved his arm for her to follow. He was quiet until they rounded the corner, and he laughed quitely, and looked at her.
"Don't believe that crap she just told you" she turned her head to look at him and frowned "No one follow the rules anyway" she looked down to the floor, and hoped that she wouldn't have to stay here long. "Ok, this is your room" he opened the door to a room in the middle of a hallway with the letter L marked on it. Inside the room there were six beds, four of them were occupied, with clothes lying all over the beds and floor, the other two were empty with only matdresses in them. "Make yourself comfortable, and I'll be right back with sheets, pillows and a cover" and without waiting for an answer, he disappeared down the hallway again, and she was left alone in the room.
Walking inside, she sat down on the bed furthest from the window that wasn't taken, and looked out. Outside it had started to snow, and from the house on the other side of the street a bunch of kids ran out. A daycare centre, she realized as she read the sign infront of the house. They'd put a daycare just by a fostercare group home? Letting out a long breath as she looked around the room one more time, she noticed that there were no pictures, random nick-nacks lying around, there were just jeans and tops everywhere, and that was it.
A girl her age or a year older walked into the room with a boy who looked a little bit older than her, but she wasn't sure, they looked at her like she had invaded their space- and maybe unkowingly she had by just sitting there, waiting for Joseph to return.
"I wouldn't take that bed if I were you" the girl said, looking at the bed with a face that mirrored disgust, and she looked down at the bed and wondered what was wrong with it. "Take that one" she pointed at the bed under the window "The last girl had that bed, and she said it was the best one in this room" confused, she looked at the bed closest to the window.
"I'm fine with this bed, thank you" she squeezed the madtress as she looked between the two of them.
"You should probably leave if you don't want to watch like some pervert or something" as if she had been burned she stood up, realizing what they meant, and she left the room.
She couldn't wait until she turned eighteen.
