Author's note: Review, please- Or, maybe not.
This is a shameless smut piece I have here, with intended (and unintended) puns and (to some readers, no doubt) very distasteful lemon.
If you don't like any of the mentioned, please turn page to Chapter Two.

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Disclaimer: I do not own xxxHolic.

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Catnip

By letmeupme

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"Oi."

"…No."

The pause has weight. It gives you the impression of an affronted cat, turning its head to look away from the offender.

The impression is not inaccurate.

The cat is a young, slender black-haired specimen with bad eye-sight, and the most adorable ears –the platonic ideal of cat ears, if you may- perched atop his head. His relatively short, curly hair is sleek, and his tail shines as if in moonlight. He goes by the name Watanuki.

The other cat is a more masculine figure, all broad shoulders and strong legs. He, too, has black ears and a tail, but his ears droop, giving the impression of a more canine persuasion. This cat is currently in the position of mounting Watanuki, and is known as Doumeki.

Correctly interpreting the 'oi' for what it is, Watanuki shivers.

He does enjoy it. He really does. It feels good, and it makes him feel safe, loved, and connected to the stupid fold-eared cat he is in love with.

He is also very, very tired.

If he doesn't stand firm now, it will definitely lead to one very dead cat. 9-lives are not enough when you had a Doumeki on your hands.

"Absolutely not, you son of a bitch. Don't even think about it."

The insult holds no heat, grave as it is to felines.

If the hearer is as experienced in Watanuki's speech as the large cat is, the hearer might even notice the slight purr accompanying the second sentence.

Perhaps the purr is there because the larger cat, Doumeki, is currently rearing up for another round. The enlargement of the larger cat's organ in turn, affects the smaller cat's passage, making the smaller cat more susceptible to the notion.

Still aching from the multiple rounds of the previous night, however, Watanuki is undecided.

Doumeki decides the smaller cat needs a little nudge in the right direction.

He catches the smaller cat by the scruff of his neck with his fangs.

The movement serves two purposes, one, holding Watanuki in place, and two, turning Watanuki on.

The larger cat knows, through trial and error, that despite his protests, Watanuki likes being dominated, and has a very sensitive neck.

Watanuki, knowing where this leads, is helpless against it.

Doumeki slowly grinds his hips against Watanuki's.

Watanuki, flush rising to his cheeks, lets out a soft mewl.

Adding a slight chewing motion to his hold on Watanuki's neck, Doumeki continues gyrating his hips.

He whimpers,

"It's not fair, you bastard-nngh."

When Watanuki's tail snakes out from between their bodies to join Doumeki's tail above them, Doumeki knows this to mean the smaller cat has finally catipulated.

This time, however, Doumeki thinks Watanuki could do with a little begging.

He has sated his raging thirst for Watanuki's flesh mostly by the sixth run. The more seductive tones had run their course by the eighth.

Now, he can concentrate on other things. Making the other cat beg, he knows, will make for easier access the next season.

The large cat is nothing if not practical.

He continues his movements, slow and gentle.

Watanuki's whimpers turn into tortured mewls. Doumeki resists the urge to satisfy the longing he hears in them.

Doumeki stops moving.

He waits.

Finally, Watanuki breaks. He tries to kill the frustrated tears that threaten to spill out.

He tries not to give in. But his vocal chords move of their own accord,

"Please, Doumeki…"

The larger cat releases his hold on Watanuki's neck.

Ignoring the enticing little gasp that accompanies that motion, he speaks,

"Please what."

Silence accompanies Doumeki's words.

It is filled with patient brooding and mounting fury.

The silence is broken by the hissing of one angry cat.

"'Please what,' you ask me. 'Please what,' you ask me? Oh the gall! If it weren't for YOUR insistence that this eighth, no ninth time? I've even lost count! If it weren't for your insistence that THIS would be a good idea, we wouldn't even be in this position-!"

Doumeki quite abruptly slams his hips into that of Watanuki, effectively silencing the smaller cat.

"Please what?"

Ignoring the delightful clenching going on below, Doumeki tenderly licks at Watanuki's face.

The smaller cat's facial expression softens minutely.

Taking no notice of what could have been 'a moment' as Yuuko-san might say, Doumeki continues to lick at Watanuki's face.

And lick.

And lick.

Long, full strokes to taste all the goodness that is Watanuki.

It's almost as good as that tuna casserole they'd found by the red house the other day...

Watanuki bursts,

"Stop it with the licking, you, you dog!"

Listening to Watanuki hissing, well, Doumeki thinks it is not quite as good as licking him, but still a good thing.

"-Ugh, all that dog slobber is going to take days to wash off. If you want to hear it so much, I'll let you.

Please, please fuck me. Fuck me into oblivion. Fuck me to death."

Even good things can get better.

"-see if I care, you're already going to be the death of me, you stupid dog. Now if you would please get going with fucki-"

Doumeki happily acquiesces to the request, slowly building a rhythm that would last longer than their previous rounds. Frowning for a moment, he stops to think.

"I'm not so sure about the part of fucking you to death.

We have next season to think about, you know.

And well, I've already 'fucked you into oblivion' three times this season, so we won't be doing that either. It's not good for your blood pressure."

The sputtering response is as magnificent as ever, and Doumeki decides this season has been a good one.

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Author's Note:

I've decided that the previous format felt just a bit icky, and changed it.

Thank you for reading. If it pleases, or displeases you, do review!