DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Never will be, I'm afraid. Everything belongs to Tom Lynch, yadda yadda... And the song Steady As We Go belongs to The Dave Matthews Band, I lay no claim to that either.

Title: Steady As We Go
Author: late edition
Pairings: Everybody gets together on this one.
Rating: M or NC-17. (AC, AL, V, N)
Summary: The setting is Winchester Academy, the most elusive private school in rural New York, and Ashley Davies isn't sure what to expect when she shows up with nothing but a suitcase full of designer clothes. Dealing with stuck up cheerleaders and teachers who are simply out to get her, Ashley just wants to crawl back to L.A. But when she meets nerdy Spencer Carlin... things start to change. The question is; For better, or for worse?

PLEASE NOTE: The prologue is written in present tense, everything that happens from chapter one on is past tense. I hope that makes sense. Okay, then, continue on reading.


PROLOGUE:

Steady As We Go.

I walk half way around the world,
just to sit down by your side.
And I would do most anything, girl,
to be the apple of your eye.

The abyss between us grows with each passing day.

I can feel it, lurking beyond every conversation and each individual touch. Do you feel it, as well? I don't think so, or maybe I choose to not know or quest for your true feelings. The reality of what really was and what really was not might break me.

I feel incompetent next to you, unworthy in more ways then one. I can't help it, because you're just too angelic: too perfect. You know who you are, and you certainly know what you want. I, also, know I can't be like you, as hard as I try. Even when we lie together, intertwined in this bed, I can't help but feel inadequate.

Troubles they may come and go,
but good times they are the gold.
And if this road gets rocky, girl,
just steady as we go.

You seem to sense my discomfort, because you place a gentle hand on my shoulder and say my name in such a breathless whisper;

"Ashley?"

I freeze for a second, before tilting my head toward you with a smile that feels like a bald-faced lie. Can you see the splinters in that ghoulish grin? Your expression softens, your once azure eyes become tiny ovals of deadened gray ice, and you seem to understand with quiet acceptance. One strand of blonde hair falls free from the chains of your messy bun, and I long to brush it back into the order that rules your life, but my fingers are as numb as my cold, cold heart.

Any place you want to go,
know that I'll be next to you.
If it's treasure baby you're looking for,
I'll search the whole world through.

"What's wrong?" You're so innocent, so careful not to ask the wrong question and hurt my already fragile feelings. But everything is twisted now, each perfect thing you do drives me insane. I just want to see anger cross your pretty face, I want to feel the heat of your irritation beating off in waves across my body.

Yet, I just shake my head, brushing off your question like I might some sort of petrous insect. "Nothing." We're careful not to linger on the crack in my voice, and also the hesitation in my lips, when they press lightly against your own in an sort of apologetic kiss, is ignored.

It's supposed to be this way, right? Spencer and Ashley in love, together forever, with no end in sight. Juliet and Juliet; oh wait, didn't the real Romeo and Juliet end in tragedy? Well, how perfectly fitting for this wrecked boat of a relationship. Our poor ship, once sailing the windy waters of love with such bravado, now sits in a halt on a sea of stillness and unspoken resentment.

Troubles they may come and go,
but good times they be the gold.
And if this road gets rocky, girl,
just steady as we go.

I have you by the collar of your cliché polo now, and I lean back to let my gaze drift over your own. "I. . ."

You tilt your head in a way that belongs entirely to you, and wait for me to think of exactly how to phrase my thoughts. I'm so in love with you, but I can't stand to be with you.

Is every teenage romance this way? Is that why there are so many cheating spouses in this cruel, ignorant world?

The questions spin round and round in my head, while my brain tries so hard to form coherent words for you to understand and comprehend. "I want so much, and I take so little." I cringe, how could I have been more cryptic? But you smile, and reach up to trace my high cheek bone with a perfectly manicured finger. You're quiet for too long, and I quickly begin to grow uneasy by each passing moment. Then, with sudden and utter confidence, you speak;

"I know. You need me, but you don't think I need you. And you don't want to be the needy one, right?"

When the storm comes,
you shelter me,
and I don't say a word,
but you know exactly what I mean.

God, how more perceptive can you be? I forget how easily you read me, like some sort of open-book, and I blush beneath the weight of your heady gaze. "Kiss me, Ashley." You say quietly, a command that confuses me. When my puzzled gaze meets yours, you simply smile thinly and repeat, "Kiss me." The urgent note in your voice is just too much, so I start to move forward before I pause to think. What will that do to make things right between us?

In the darkest times,
you shine on me;
you set me free,
and keep me steady as we go.

I don't know, and suddenly I don't care. I lean toward you again, our lips millimeters apart before I whisper with as much authority as I can manage, "Why?" I want to be in control; I need to be in control. You shake your head with such feisty disobedience that a fire begins to flicker in my belly, deep down where the blood runs hot and sensual:

"Do it, and I'll show you." Your breath is hot and sweet as it mingles with my own; I sigh, I've given in.

Show me what, I can't help but think, oh this is all so terribly confusing! I close the acute gap between us; tongues, teeth, and lips meet in fiery passion. Suddenly, I understand what you have tried to do with this flammable kiss.

It's over too quickly, that knee-weakening action, and we're lying in each other's arms with nothing but hot and shallow breathing between us. What has it done but underline the physical side of our relationship; having shown nothing but how we simply exist between the fleeting moments of passionate lust. I want you, I said it before without flinching, but is it just in a literal fashion? Do I not want the person inside the beautiful goddess body of yours, too? Or have I been lying to myself all along?

So if your heart rings dry my love,
I will fill your cup.
And if your load gets heavy, girl,
I will lift you up.
.

Frustrated, I growl deep in my throat and fling myself upon you. You're surprised, but you accept me with a willing mouth and gentle tongue.
I don't want that, not at all.

I want more, I want angry, disobedient Spencer. I want someone who will tell me; No.

You yank me closer, flipping us over and straddling me with impatient, bucking hips.

I'm surprised, normally you just lie and wait, letting me do my thing while I watch you whimper beneath my sometimes rough touches. I realize that I've been trying to wake you up from wherever you went to after that first night together, when you were aggressive and sexy for a few hopeful moments. You had been someone who wanted me to believe in us more than I believed in anything else.

That Spencer, the one who had told me that she couldn't just be my friend, had returned tonight.

I could feel your hands squeezing my sides, the grips tight and relentless. The slight press of your knees against my own hips, kindled a fire in my lower abdomen that has been trying to start for months now. Your fingers release their tight clutch and travel curiously to the edge of my baby blue camisole, gently tracing the cotton line with pretend hesitance.

Then, without warning, you slip beneath the fabric and trace the hardened muscles of my stomach; the curve of your fingernail sliding along each toned and cut muscle with teasing slowness. Your mouth, having slipped down to press hungry kisses against my bronzed neck, is missed terribly by my own and I reach my free hand up to grip your hair with sudden roughness. Yanking it back and shoving your lips in the direction of my own tingling rouged ones, creating a kiss hot and needy.

You're still exploring my body with such innocence that I almost believed it was our first time, and that was just so romantic and strangely arousing.

I break away from the passionate kiss I had brought to life, and gently let my eyes linger across your own. "Spencer..." The longing, the lust, it's all spoken in your name. I can't hold on anymore, can't keep tearing myself away from you to form any more walls. I just have to be . . . with you. I give in, the iron walls around my heart crumbling down, down into the abyss that seals once all guards have dropped.

You come back to me, pressing your lips against my own ravaged ones as we kiss lazily away the tears on our cheeks. It's all right now; we don't have to pretend anymore. . .

Troubles they may come and go,
but good times be the gold.
So if this road gets rocky, girl,
just steady as we go.


Author's Notes:
Remember, everything written from this point forward is PAST TENSE. You'll be awfully confused if you don't know that. ;) Also, Nerdy!Spencer alert ahead ... she will change, but not until the fifth or sixth chapter. Mmkay. Continue on to chapter uno.